I let you go.

Pose : FOXCITY Melancholy-2

Background/props : Trompe Loeil - Margaux Photo Backdrop + Surround

{moss&mink} Drop Curtain (Updated textures!)

Refuge - Bunbun Stool

Balderdash - Green Stardrop creeper

.AiShA. Light Ball

Toro. Tropical plant 

<:*BoOgErS*:> Blush Bear

I make no secret of the fact that I have been incredibly unlucky when it comes to SL relationships, or well, relationships of any kind, really.

I'm hard-headed, opinionated, and while I can play the placid wall-flower for a certain amount of time, it's never long before the screaming angry bitch in me comes out and wants to make stabby hands when I'm least expecting it.

You know what I learned from accidentally dating all these wrong men?

It's not always me that has the problem.

Many times I have felt myself curl up into this position mentally. Wondering what the fudge I can do to make things better. I should be meeker, I should be louder, I should have more confidence, I shouldn't talk back, I should shrink myself to the point where I'm almost pocket-sized and won't interfere with their life at all. Instead, I'll just slot right in without a word, and they'll eventually see that I'm perfect, they'll wonder what they ever did without me, and that's what love is.

I know this isn't healthy, and I see it all now. But then... then all that mattered was me making them happy, regardless of the toll it was having on my health, on my mental state. 

Any grown man would have seen what I was doing and called me on it. Instead, these boys took advantage and played with my head even more. Slightly broken, and slightly bruised (ego-wise), I made a decision to just stop. I even remember saying to a close friend "I'm done with the whole SL dating thing, every time I meet a man I like they allow me to forget what it is I love to do, they don't support me, and they poke fun at my interests. Fuck this. Punch me next time I tell you about that awesome new guy I like, please?" 

And then Santi came along.

I wasn't interested at all.

In fact, it took two good friends to tell me to give him a chance before I even acknowledged him, but rather than him jumping up and down, forcing himself on me, he stood patiently waiting for the moment I would see him - and then, I did.

Things aren't easy all the time, and we've had a couple of bumps, but I no longer have that bad feeling in my stomach.

I don't worry that I'm going to oversleep and he's going to have left me 12 emails, 6 voice messages and a thousand skype texts asking me who i'm fucking and threatening me.

I'm not making myself sick when he hangs up on me, because it's not leading to another 3-day absence where he could be 'cheating' on me.

He doesn't get jealous when I explain to him that the reason I am the way I am is because of shitbags I've just described, and he'll rationalize and take that pain away for me for a while, and most of all, I know that unconditionally, he is there for me (unless his sodding internet gives out!).

In just a few short months, he has begun to help me undo and understand what I have been through with past relationships simply by allowing me to talk about them with him and get through the "Why am I like this?" crap. I've never, ever thought of myself as an insecure person, and it's not just "SL" people who I have had issues with in the past, it's RL too... 

Essentially, what I'm trying to say is, if it makes your tummy turn, if it causes you any sort of anxiety to be in the relationship you're in, for the sake of yourself and your sanity, run away. There are ups and downs in every relationship, sure, but you know if you're in a good one, and if you can escape the bad one, you need to find the strength to do it. Being alone isn't that bad, and I believe that there's got to be a Santi for everyone.

xoxo

All of the things : 

Body, Hands & Feet : Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara

Skin : NOT FOUND - YUMI SKIN PEACH  (CATWA) @ Sense Event

Body Skin : [theSkinnery] Maitreya Skin Applier - peach

Head : CATWA Lona

Eyelids : L'Etre - Natural mesh eyelids

Ears : [MANDALA]SIMPLE_EARS_HUTUU

Earrings : :: SAGA :: Spring EarLoops 

Hair : #Foxy - Lovesick Hair 

Tattoo :  DAPPA  - Taisho Tattoo @ Kinky Event (open 28th Feb)

Nails : Astralia - Compatible mesh nails system

Nail Polish : Hello Dave - Nail Appliers - Astralia - The French One

Harness & Lingerie :  #EMPIRE - Heart Harness (Previously @ The Fetish Fair, now closed, please allow time to transfer to main store location)

New technology.

Pose : FOXCITY. Steamy-4m

Background : ///BENJAMINZ/// CTRL BACKDROP @ Rewind 

Toro. Stacked Television {White Noise} (Gacha)

I'm not really one to get my nipples out without due cause, but this outfit just made all kinds of sense to me. It's a little bit naughty and a lot fantastic... and I feel like maybe I'm missing some of that fantastical stuffs lately, and with the fantasy gacha carnival thingies going on, sometimes regular posts can look a little bland.

This look shows more items from the Y2K round of Rewind, and I'm absolutely loving the ErschxOppa set (There are earrings and a necklace not shown, too).

It's a gacha and it's so different that as soon as it popped up I just KNEW it was going to be fun to photograph. As usual, my anxious little brain has been whirring with ideas surrounding the items, and finally I settled upon this. Tada!

I'm always slightly wary of wearing skins that aren't my RL race. I'm almost literally the whitest white girl in the history of white people. I've been bought up in the most white-collar, English way possible for my generation, and I am mostly pretty ignorant to the struggles of many other races. The last thing on my mind is making people uncomfortable or awkward because of a way that I portray an item, and I really hope that I do justice to the skins and pretties that I find across the grid. If you choose to look at this post, or any of my posts for any reason, just know that I am attempting to make art, regardless of race, colour, gender stereotypes or roles. I want so badly to bridge ALL the gaps and have a world where nothing matters except lifting people up and making others happy, but not at the expense of ourselves... but I know realistically this is just a dream for how the world works right now.

That being said, this skin is truly beautiful, as are all the items portrayed in today's post. I am absolutely thrilled with the outcome of the photograph, and only hope you enjoy what I have bought you. xoxo

All of the things : 

Body Hands : Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara

Skin : NOT FOUND - YUMI SKIN PEACH  (CATWA) @ Sense Event

Body Skin : [theSkinnery] Maitreya Skin Applier - peach

Head : CATWA Lona

Eyes : Hayaru  - Jung mesh eyes 

Ears :  ^^Swallow^^  Dragon Ears @ Kustom9

Lipstick : .{PSYCHO:Byts}. Sadayakko Lipstick

Hair : booN Lab.004 hair

Headpiece & Wings : ERSCH & .Oppa.- TV Angel Gacha @ Rewind 

Nipples : !~SV~! Nipples 

Corset & Nipple Tags : ::Axix:: Tomoe's Ofuda&Bodysuit @ BoundBox Feb'18 

Nails : Astralia - Compatible mesh nails system

Nail Polish : Hello Dave - Nail Appliers - Astralia - The French One

Shoes & Socks : =Zenith=Xiang Mo Boots (Red) -Maitreya (Gacha)