Waiting on the sun.

Pose : PM . Ayana 4

Background : FOXCITY K-POP Star 2. (1) You Think

Making this fairly quick today, because I can. :P

I've been thinking about choices, and what goes into our making them. I'm not very good at decision making, and while it's true that to some extent I thrive on the dramatic, making choices leaves me with funny feelings in my tummy, and not in a good way all the time - especially if they're important.

Since I've been told I have Borderline Personality Disorder, I've become far more aware of my impulses. I'm incredibly wary as to what I do, and when, and how - because I want to be sure that I'm making the RIGHT choice. But then I overthink that, too, and end up wavering in the grey area until finally I eeny meanie miney mo, and jump right in impulsively anyway.

Anywho. It's Saturday! Have an amazing weekend and make the right choices! :P

xoxo

All of the things : 

Body, Hands & Feet : Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara

Skin : #Boataom :: Lisa Genus Applier

Head & Eyes: GENUS Project - Genus  Bento head  - Mocap (BETA!)

Glasses : .random.Matter. - Moonbul Glasses 

Hair : :::Phoenix::: Mishon Hair for FaMESHed Go

Bodysuit : Pixel Geek - Milo Bodysuit * Maitreya #23 @ PocketGacha

Jacket : Pseudo- Trucker Jacket Light @ Kustom9

Shoes : #EMPIRE - Fennel @ The Fetish Fair

Take me back.

Pose : FOXCITY Sits Vol2-6

Location : Southern Roots

I'm sure many of you get reflective moments. For me, I feel like they happen far too regularly. I have extreme issues 'letting go' of even the most toxic of people, so when I've walked away from some one who I genuinely adore because of my own past issues, I tend to over-examine every little detail.

Many times I've discussed my personal brand of crazy. I'm well aware that there are things I do that have been almost conditioned into me from previous relationships, and right now I feel like I am SO self aware that anything you can tell me about what you think I need, I am already aware of. 

The whole ordeal of moving on to become the best version of yourself is really stinkin' hard. Like - ridiculously hard. I didn't think I would encounter as much support, but I also wasn't aware of the people I would lose in the process, but it's impossible for everyone you know to grow at the same speed as you are.

The only way to describe what is happening in my head right now is like there was a blanket over me - almost as though I was a frightened little girl sitting on her bed, contentedly using her flashlight to read into fantasy books and ignoring the whirlwind of life around her, but now that blanket has been yanked away - although I'm still using it for comfort and clinging on desperately to a corner, unable to completely let go. But now? Now there's a whole storm of the rest of my life that needs to be tamed that I can see. Think of the Tornado at the beginning of the classic movie "The Wizard of Oz" where you have friends, family and places just swimming around you.

For me, right now I'm at the stage where i'm making grabby hands at the most important things. My health, my family, my home.

It's a fight I want to continue, no matter how hard it gets - and today, and for the past couple of weeks it HAS been difficult... but once this awkward patch has passed, I'm going to be back on it, grabbing at everyone and everything that is most important to me. I am determined to be a better me, regardless of how many people I leave in my wake - this is MY time.

xoxo

All of the things :

Body, Hands & Feet : Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara

Skin (Head) : Not Found - Lia Skin Toffee (Catwa)

Skin (Body) : [TheSkinnery] Toffee

Head :  CATWA HEAD Magy

Eyes : -SU!- Ophelia Eyes Fatpack /ULTRARARE/ (Gacha)

Ears : L'Etre - Crystal mesh ears 

Hair : :::Phoenix::: Tisha Hair 

Outfit : .miss chelsea. Sade Top & .miss chelsea. Sade Shorts @ N21

Rings : KUNGLERS - Rowen rings @ Shiny Shabby

Boots : #EMPIRE - Gazania @ Kustom9

Believe me.

Props : Stockholm&Lima:The Tea Party Table 

JIAN Peacock 

JIAN :: Bunny

[ keke ] secrets garden flower 

[ keke ] wild lilies

ChiMia:: Old White Fence

+Half-Deer+ Fairylight Balloons 

*alirium* ItchyGrass

All of the things : 

Body : Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara  

Skin : Glam Affair ( Lelutka Heads ) Alyx Applier

Head : LeLutka Bento Head Chloe

Hair : :::Phoenix::: Tiana Hair

Head piece : . Liquence . - Flower Crown

Ears : + Cotton Usagi + {aii} (Bento)

Glasses : .tsg. Shy Megane

Necklace : {MYNX} Cloud Necklace @ The Chapter Four

Dress : _CandyDoll_ Katie Dress @ Whore Couture Fair

Hands : -VA-F-VISTA BENTO PROHANDS  

Nails : *PL* bento nail 

Panties : Milk Tea: Little Bunnies

Stockings : MAAI Sweetie stockings plain @ Whore Couture Fair

Booties : fri. - Lana Booties (Gacha) @ The Arcade

 

Here next year.

Pose & Champagne glasses : IOS Champagne Poses (Pack 2)

Props : .AiShA. Hanging Stars Gift @ We <3 RP

 The Loft - Casolare Mirror Gold

{vespertine}-confetti set @ Collabor88 

[blissiere] winter white party set (Gacha) 

All of the things :

Body :  Slink Physique Hourglass Mesh Body 

Skin : BT : Albina"FIORE"Applier (AF) 

Head : .: fiore :. Mesh Head - Minx

Eyes : :Conviction: Albino Eyes

Hair : :::Phoenix::: Britney Hair @ Hairology

Necklace : Glam Affair - Charms! @ FaMESHed

Dress : JamBee > Clothes > Velvet Tied dress @ Winter Trend

Hands : Slink Mesh Hands Gesture

Watch : MINIMAL - Christmas Watch From the MadPea Christmas Calendar

Jacket : *T.Whore* - Faux Fur Jacket

Feet : Slink Avatar Enhancement Feet Deluxe (High)

Stockings & Shoes :  REIGN. - MELROSE HOLIDAY EDITION HEELS