I'm outside waiting.

Pose : PM . Flawless  2 (Hand pose over-ridden by the hand warmer)

Decor : {YD} Christmas Pickup @ We <3 RP

[DDD] Log & Branch Deer - Standing

dust bunny . maple cottage

I am legit. Effing. Dying... at the complete levels of petty of some people.

Every time I think I may do something daft, and restrain myself... I notice people doing the same thing I stopped myself from doing BECAUSE I AM TRYING TO GROW.

Lawwddd. HOLD ME BACKKKKK.

I think I've been watching too many Jeffree Star Youtube videos, and I may be somewhat channeling my inner Alien, but holy fudge!

Ok I'm over it.

I know I'm potentially shady. I know I've done some seriously effed up things in the past. I know I keep doing things that make people question me... and that's life. For the first time in a really, really long time, I'm mostly at peace with who I am, and have a clear view of the person I want to become in the future. I'm not perfect. I'm not trying to BE perfect, but I am trying to be better - which is all I hope for everyone, every day.

I'm at a point now where I can reflect, and be like... "Hey, this person is not good for where I'm going, or wasn't good for who I was then, but they deserve to be happy, healthy and live their life their way." Will I always hold resentment towards those people who I feel have wronged me? I don't honestly know, because I'm still learning how to forgive... but one thing I will not do (anymore!) is deny that someone once important in my life had an impact on me.

Neither will I deny the memories I had with that person, unless I feel like for whatever reason, they used me as a stepping stone, or as confirmation of their amazing deeds that really only suit their personal agenda.

ANYWAY.

This is such a sub blog, and I'm cringing while typing it, but let's face it, it could be 98% of SL. 

It could be my ex best friend or lover, or someone I spoke to twice over a FB chat.

It could also be anyone YOU know, because people, regardless of where you met them, can be dumb as fuck and petty as shit!

So that's my vague drama rant!

Happy fucking Sunday!

xoxo

All of the things : 

Body : Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara

Head & Makeup : GENUS Project (babyface)

Skin : !Lumae Genus Project - Juniper

Eyes :  LOTUS. Lunar Eyes (mesh)  @ The Arcade

Hair & Scarf : Clawtooth: Noelle 

Sweater : `M.BIRDIE  / U-ni look. Top1 @ Kustom9

Hand Warmer : -Narcisse- Holly HandMuff @ The Liaison Collaborative

Skirt : BUENO-Aya Skirt @ Collabor88

Boots : #EMPIRE - Cin @ Uber

Waiting on the sun.

Pose : PM . Ayana 4

Background : FOXCITY K-POP Star 2. (1) You Think

Making this fairly quick today, because I can. :P

I've been thinking about choices, and what goes into our making them. I'm not very good at decision making, and while it's true that to some extent I thrive on the dramatic, making choices leaves me with funny feelings in my tummy, and not in a good way all the time - especially if they're important.

Since I've been told I have Borderline Personality Disorder, I've become far more aware of my impulses. I'm incredibly wary as to what I do, and when, and how - because I want to be sure that I'm making the RIGHT choice. But then I overthink that, too, and end up wavering in the grey area until finally I eeny meanie miney mo, and jump right in impulsively anyway.

Anywho. It's Saturday! Have an amazing weekend and make the right choices! :P

xoxo

All of the things : 

Body, Hands & Feet : Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara

Skin : #Boataom :: Lisa Genus Applier

Head & Eyes: GENUS Project - Genus  Bento head  - Mocap (BETA!)

Glasses : .random.Matter. - Moonbul Glasses 

Hair : :::Phoenix::: Mishon Hair for FaMESHed Go

Bodysuit : Pixel Geek - Milo Bodysuit * Maitreya #23 @ PocketGacha

Jacket : Pseudo- Trucker Jacket Light @ Kustom9

Shoes : #EMPIRE - Fennel @ The Fetish Fair

Figure it out.

Pose & Joint : PM . Ayana 5

This is a bit of a different look, even by my standards. I've always looked at the cute pastel goth girls within SL and adored the style, but I've never been fully able to grasp how to pull it off.

Today, I feel like I might have actually done it. 

Some of the people I know are completely amazing, and I feel like as I continue my journey of self-enlightenment (lol?), I'm encountering aspects of these people that may never have unfolded before.

The last couple of days my spoons have been plentiful. I have been throwing them around willy nilly (I LOVE THAT SAYING!) and have had actual in-depth conversations with people that I love, which totally fill my heart with all the happy feels and things.

Anwaaay. One of these people (and he's "awesome" so he'll know who he is), have set me a challenge. I'm pretty well known for having the mouth of a sailor. No, it's not salty or always doused in rum, but I do have a tendency to swear. I curse when I'm sad. I curse when I'm happy. I curse when I'm excited. There is no situation where my cursing is left by the wayside... I am uncouth. Knowing what I'm going through in great detail, Adam (DAMNIT! Now he's gonna think I care about him or something!) suggested I attempt to change my language in a effort to think more positively.

So that's what I'm gonna do. Even IF I fail miserably and end up effing and blinding, I think that the potential for change is HUGE! Not only will it improve my language, but losing the negative context of those curse words might help to bring on a more positive mindset.

Whether you agree with the nonsense I've just written or not, I want you to bear in mind that it's an experiment for personal betterment, and regardless of the results, that in itself is something I think I deserve to be proud of.

xoxo

All of the things : 

Body : Slink Physique Hourglass Mesh Body  

Head : CATWA Magy

Skin : Insol: 'Just Alice' gacha // 2. Lost brows - ST Milk (B2) @ Epiphany

Eyes : CATWA Mesh Eyes

Eye Appliers : Go&See * Equa* Catwa Eyes

Eyebrows : Found in the Catwa hud, tinted.

Eyeshadow : -SU!- Oksana Eyeshadow 

Moles & Freckles : Bossie.  freckles & beauty marks [catwa]

Lipstick : Bossie. plush matte lipsticks [catwa] 

Ears : ^^Swallow^^ Rox Ears 

Earrings : Kibitz - Hailey's pearl heart hoops @ Kustom9

Hair : Exile:: Alibi

Tattoo : DAPPA - Venus Tattoo @ Mermaid Cove

Jacket : +MB+ Unicorn Jacket - Item only available on MP >Here<

Rings : (Yummy)  Serena Rings 

Shorts : Ricielli - Lary Shorts @ Cosmopolitan

Boots : EQUAL - Zara Boots

Piece it all together.

Pose : PM . Ayana 2M

Background/Location : [BH9] Underground Fashion V2] @ Backdrop City

Apparently in this photograph, I'm smoking a joint. Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-weed.. I hear a bunch of stories every day about how it helps settle people's moods and yanno, other things... and if that's the case, even if it's just a fancy placebo effect then I'm all for it.

In SL, I find cigarettes and joints can make fun RP attachments. However, in RL I haven't touched a cigarette for three years, and there hasn't been a trace of weed for a REALLY long time.

When I was about 18-19, I had a really cute boyfriend. I guess he was my first love, and we went through a lot of things together over the year we were together - as you do when you're 18-19. I mean, you're still growing, everything is dramatic. You have a small argument and it feels like the world is ending and your soul is splitting. 

The reason I bring him up is because he and I experimented with weed together. A mutual friend of ours used to "deliver" weed, and occasionally, he would drop by my boyfriends house and we'd smoke some 'left overs' with him. Some of my best memories with that first love of mine include sitting on his mothers couch (she was super liberal and would often join us for a smoke), sharing some weed, giggling ridiculously together and then taking crazy road trips to find snacks.

Most of the time, however, I would be asleep for the field trips... I had the habit of being a giggler and then falling asleep because I just can't hold anything - weed or alcohol. Both make me super emotional in some way and then I just pass out. On the couch. Which meant I would wake up with the English equivalent of cheeto's stuffed in my shirt, or bacon strips on my face - and one time - half an eyebrow....

but that's another story!

xoxo

All of the things : 

Body, Hands & Feet : Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara

Head : CATWA Magy

Eyes : CATWA Mesh Eyes 

Eye Applier : LOTUS : Heroic Eyes (Gacha) @ Pocket Gacha

Skin : Insol: Lona applier  A-Gacha @ Kustom9

Eyebrows : Bossie. sarah eyebrows [catwa] 

Freckles : Bossie. freckles & beauty marks [catwa] 

Eyeshadow : Veechi - Radiant Liner @ N21

Ears : .:[PUMEC] :.  - / Mesh Ears\ Bohemian 

Hair : Moon. Hair // Buffy @ N21

Choker : Kibitz - Bling choker - savage white (Gacha)

Tattoo : DAPPA - Hustle Tattoo. 

Outfit : EVANI - MADISON SKIRT & TOP @ Kustom9

Claws & Rings : [CX] Shredder Claws 

Boots : #EMPIRE - Saffron @ Collabor88

Maybe I want to...

Pose & Chair : PM . Classy Chair @ Chapter Four

Background : BUENO-Highlight Mini Box (Little Boxes Gacha)

All of the things : 

Body Hands & Feet : Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara

Skin : RARE #12 Essences [ErinP01] For Pocket Gacha

Head : CATWA Catya (UPDATED! Go to the redelivery terminal in store to get your MOCAP head!!)

Eyes : CATWA Mesh Eyes 

Eye Applier : LOTUS. Adeline Eyes @ Chapter Four

Ears : : ^^Swallow^^ Pixie Ears 

Earrings : : .random.Matter. - Taeyeon Earrings 

Hair : Moon. Hair // Fallon From Luxe Box Sept

Tattoo : *Bolson / Serra & Eli

Necktie : #Foxy - Suede Wrap Choker 

Bodysuit : EVANI - Annie @ Kustom9

Fur : PLASTIX - Bambi Jacket @ Tres Chic

Nails : Astralia - Compatible mesh nails system

Nail Polish : Hello Dave - Nail Appliers - Astralia - The Bold One (Free Gift @ Astralia)

Shoes : #EMPIRE - Xeranthemum @ Kustom9

Closer up picture showing the  Essences [ErinP01] For Pocket Gacha & the  LOTUS. Adeline Eyes @ Chapter Four. Both products, as you can see, are utterly flawless. <3