Nothing really matters but...

Pose : FOXCITY. Breezy-2

Before I go to sleep, I like to Youtube. I have a pretty select number of channels that I actually enjoy, from your generic make-up artists to more newsy type things, and sometimes even a good ol' conspiracy.

I was watching Philip DeFranco last night, he's a news type dude, but will give you the facts then if necessary he'll give you his opinion. I like this a lot. He seems fair, he doesn't appear to have an agenda, and I've been finding out some really cool shit about the world that I'd never have known before, because the mainstream news just makes me want to punch kittens through boredom.

Last night he mentioned how Instagram was going to start making likes on their posts less visible in order to raise the quality of content people were posting, and my dead little heart SOARED. THIS. This whole principle is exactly why I am planning a break, to distance myself from the "Likes = quality content" crap surrounding blogging and photography. I want to bring content to readers/viewers of my blog that adds something to their lives, whether that surrounds RL mental health issues and my perspectives, or something in SL that bugs me. I want to be slightly more informational, maybe more pictures indicating the quality of the product i'm blogging, maybe a feature on a sim, maybe more close ups and definitely more informational vlogs, which will hopefully increase in quality the more I practice!

My opinions will be broadcast even more. So if you don't like this part of my blogging, you can totally skip over it (probably like you already do, right?) and if you do, well you're gonna be in for a treat! 

The other advantage of me stepping away from the Likes debacle, will hopefully mean that I don't value the opinions of strangers on my work, and this external validation that I feel necessary will deplete. I know I'm decent at what I do, and if that makes me a big headed, entitled cowbag, I'll take that title. I know I 'deserve' things that other people are getting, but I also know that as much as I deserve what other people are getting, so do many many bloggers and photographers that are far better than I am, so why not just take that whole 'competition' aspect I feel from blogging away, and turn it back into what it should be, what it has been in the past, and what I love... a place I can show my style, give information and overall have some bloody fun.

Just today by taking away the "Omg I gotta" aspect from my photo, I feel like I encapsulated a side of the Pickle avatar that had been long forgotten, and it came easily. 

xoxo

All of the things : 

Body, Hands & Feet : Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara

Head : GENUS Project (Original)

Skin : . MILA . Neave Skin [Honey] GENUS 

Eyes : Veechi - Foxy Eyes @ UBER

Eyeliner :  Veechi  - Basic Glossy Liner

Hair : -FABIA-<Vitalina> @ The Gacha Garden 

Necklace : MINIMAL - Camera Necklace *Gold*

Shirt : evani. Polly ribbed dress @ Collabor88

The seaweed is always greener.

I have no idea what pose I used because, like a derp, I forgot to note it. Sorry! ♥

Mini rant for today.

Seems like there's a whole lotta fuss about blogging on facebook, AGAIN.

I've said over and over again that I freaking LOVE what I do, regardless of me standing my avatar in front of a background, or creating a full scene around me, I work at what I do. I -try- to blog at least five times a week, and usually that turns into seven, but there are occasions when I might go a couple of days without, purely because my brain can no longer function, or because the thing I tried to do didn't work out that day, and rather than posting an unsatisfactory (yet probably perfectly usable) photograph, I retake the next day instead.

However.

The thing that really pisses me off, is that despite the amount of effort I put in, there is very little recognition. Am I unapproachable? Maybe. I can be a bit of a smart ass - usually in jest. However, when there are people getting commended as "Top Bloggers of SL" and I know for a fact they have HALF the views I have (which isn't that many, there are far better people than I to follow, don't get me wrong), I'm left sitting here scratching my head and wondering who's ass I have to kiss to be noticed.

And then those SAME PEOPLE, preach about being kind to everyone, when I've spoken face to face with them, knowing they have two faces, and both of them are mean as shit!

If you're gonna be a dick, you HAVE to own it, but maybe that's the edge? 

=takes a deep breath=

Nine times out of ten, being a blogger or a photographer has nothing to do with talent, professionalism, or creativity, but everything to do with who you know. I don't know how I ended up here - and again, I AM LUCKY. I have beautiful sponsors who create beautiful products, and for some reason they allow me, little Pickle, to work with their items... I just wish there were more creators who looked at the bigger picture, and not the amount of stars next to a picture on flickr - that's not talent or exposure, that's ass kissing.

xoxo

On a much lighter note, have a gander at the four beautiful tones that the Revoul "Nicki" Lelutka applier comes in. I absolutely adore the fullness of these lips!! From left to right : RE05, RE10, RE15, RE20.

All the things : 

Body, Hands & Feet : Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara

Head : LeLutka Bento Head-PIPER 3.3

Skin : Lefort by REVOUL Nicki Lelutka Applier 

Eyes : REVOUL - Revoulutionary Beauty Eyes 

Hair in main picture : [LCKY] Rain // Splashing (Gacha)

Hair in Tones : Sintiklia - Hair Titania @ C88

Hand Bracelet : .AiShA. Kraken Bracelet Ring @ Fantasy Faire

Bra : Baiastice_Mermaid Jewel Bra (I'm not sure if these are available anymore, they're super old)

Tattoo : {Moon.Phase} MermaidHentaiBody_BlueScales

Always waiting.

Pose : FOXCITY. Legs for Days-4 (Slightly edited with Animare)

Background & Prop things : {moss&mink} Tufted Chaise @ FaMESHed

{moss&mink} Oversized Pouf @ FaMESHed

*HEXtraordinary* White Dogwood Vase

*HEXtraordinary* White Dogwood Wreath

Mutresse-Exhausted-Shortie Cats

dust bunny . fresh fruit stand . lemons

dust bunny . quirky planters . pug

dust bunny . at home baking . lemon plant

Apple Fall Antique Ladders w/ Heart String

Kalopsia - Faith's Mirrors

{vespertine}- spider plant.

Taken in the 01. Lagom - PinkKink [Skybox] RARE (Not sure if this is at an event, but thank you so much for the gift, Cutie!)

All of the things : 

Body, Hands & Feet : Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara

Head : CATWA Kittia

Skin : Catwa Skin applier - Peach - Snow (Enfer Sombre*)

Eyes : [JOE SL] GIGI MESH EYES SKY GREEN 

Eyeliner : -SU!- [HUD] Essential Eyeliners (Gacha)

Eyebrows : Bossie. miki eyebrows [omega] 

Ears :.random.Matter.  - Natural Elfie Ears

Freckles : [okkbye] Faux Freckles from an old edition of Powder Pack

Hair : DOUX - Valentina hairstyle 

Headpiece : *HEXtraordinary* Pink Dogwood Wreath - This isn't meant to be worn on your head, but I shoved it there anyway! Some editing may be required :P

Necklaces : .random.Matter. - Kashina - Necklaces @ Equal10

Tattoo : DAPPA - Nocturnal Tattoo @ Anybody

Dress : evani. Polly ribbed dress @ Collabor88

Shoes : [BREATHE]-Hoshiko Wedges @ Access

Peace of mind.

Pose : [ La Baguette] nomimo (G.sit) 5

Taken at my homestead. ♥

I think I've expressed before that I have trouble just letting things go, and I'm not entirely sure why it's so troublesome for me. The smallest interactions can leave me examining every little thing I said, and even when I have the best intentions my message often ends up becoming quite mixed.

That being said, I want to make something clear. 

I blog because I love it. When it comes to expressing an opinion about blogging, it is always that - my opinion. I don't think I'm any more 'right' than anyone else, nor do I believe that I am above anyone else. Blogging is 100% an art form, and when given the correct equipment for your art, you can excel beyond even your own expectations. If you're not given the equipment, it's your responsibility to find the items you'd like to blog. It's no-one's responsibility to provide you with the tools, but should you decide you'd like to apply for a blogger position, it's entirely my belief that you should grab that opportunity with both hands, remembering during the course of your blogger career with that brand how extremely lucky you are to be granted the creativity of the brand in question.

It's my belief that not only do you have a responsibility to that brand, but also to the applicants to that brand that weren't lucky enough to have access to the products you're now blogging. Suggesting that you'd like to skip over certain items because they don't fit your style is -in my opinion- insulting, because you APPLIED for that position (If you didn't apply and the creators are friends, where the fudge is your loyalty to your friends? Are you still a blogger, or are you always a friend, regardless of your photography talent? Are you taking up a blogger spot as well, or are you just lucky enough to be passed items from your friend? This makes my brain sore.). Other people applied that would wholeheartedly grasp at those products and happily, excitedly show off the amazingly talented creators we're lucky enough to see all over secondlife. If you blog, and find yourself in a position where the product no longer brings you happiness, GIVE UP YOUR SPOT for that blogger team, as there are probably a bunch of people waiting for it.

It saddens me daily that there seems to be such entitlement when it comes to blogging.

Although without a doubt I am extremely lucky, I am by no means one of the best bloggers in SL, despite my passion, despite my attempts at continuing to improve, but I don't have to be the best to enjoy every minute of what I do. I am however, blessed with some exceptionally talented people who are generous enough to grant me their items to attempt to make some pretties with, and damned if i'll sit here while bloggers belittle the beauty and generosity creators show on a regular basis.

Okay I feel better now! Have a beautiful day, Spoonies and never take anything for granted, because there is always someone wishing they had what you have.

All of the things : 

Body & Feet :  -Belleza- Freya

Hands : Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara (This was so I could wear the nails from #Shook, I selected the "Slink Fit" option on the Belleza Hud, and then added the Maitreya hands. It's worth noting, there may be the occasional clothing clipping moment with this, as the belleza arms and Maitreya arms are shaped differently)

Head : CATWA Kittia

Skin : [Glam Affair] Serenity Applier [ Catwa ]

Eyes : LOTUS. Camouflage Eyes 

Ears : ^^Swallow^^ Magic Pixie Ears 

Hair : Sintiklia  Hair Titania @ Collabor88

Headpiece : *LODE* Head Accessory - Tulips & Cherries [pale yellow red] (Gacha) @ Shiny Shabby

Epaulets : *LE* Valyrian Lady Shoulders Gold RARE (Gacha) (Not sure if this is still available, it's pretty old!)

Bodysuit : +MB+ Nena Bodysuit @ Spring Flair

Nails : #SHOOK - Baddie Claws 

Shoes : [BREATHE]-Koemi Heels @ Uber

Learn to blossom.

Pose : [ Focus Poses ] Hello Spring @ Cosmopolitan

Props : TLG - Dawn's Promise Blue Flower Field 

-Garden- by anc "secret garden" ROSE 

LB_Sunflowers{Field}

HPMD* Garden Tree04 

All of the things : 

Body, Hands & Feet : Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara

Head : CATWA Kittia

Skin : [Glam Affair] Serenity Applier [ Catwa ]

Eyes : LOTUS. (I don't remember which ones! Sorry!)

Hat & Hair : Moon. Hair. // Summer Breeze

Tattoo : DAPPA - Evie Tattoo.@ Spring Flair

Dress (in main picture) :Bueno Late Night Dress @ Collabor88

Bikini : Luder! Miyu Microkini - White

Conspicuous.

Pose : [La Baguette] Kazi G.sit poses 4

Background : FOXCITY. K-POP Star 2 - Ringa Linga (Rez) RARE @ Backdrop City

The tiger is from a Poseidon pose set, as part of a rare.

I seem to have rediscovered my love of the Black Dragon viewer today. I initially loaded it up remembering how smooth it was to cam around and thought maybe it would be a better option for vlogging, but when I adjusted my settings, I remembered how much I adored the crispness for photography, too.

I initially stopped using the viewer because it had become laggy and was cumbersome for me to move around on it, when I took a large picture, it would crash, and i'd have to relog and attempt to rez everything all over again, which had also become difficult. I suppose there's been a few updates since then, as it must have been 6 months or more ago that I stopped, but now everything runs far better, and nothing has changed on my end, except maybe driver updates!

Anywho, here's hoping that the curve of learning continues and my  photography only excels!

xoxo

All of the things : 

Body Hands & Feet: -Belleza- Freya

Head : LeLutka Bento Head-PIPER 3.3

Skin : [Glam Affair] Maewe Applier 

Ears : ^^Swallow^^ Dragon Ears 

^^Swallow^^ Gauged Ear

Eyes : -SU!- Medora Eyes /Glitch Wasted/ (Gacha)

Glasses : VCO . Zion glasses 

Hair : -FABIA- Mesh Hair   < Vanessa> @ Cosmopolitan

Necklace : *PROMAGIC* Kaali -Necklace

Tattoo : DAPPA - Conjure Tattoo. (Previously at Skin Fair)

Outfit : .miss chelsea. Elin Set @ Uber

Gloves : **RE** Motor Gloves 

Shoes : [BREATHE]-Konami Heels @ Collabor88

You know what they say.

Pose : Go&See * Divine * 8

Yup, still exhausted! ♥

xoxo

All of the things : 

Body Hands & Feet: -Belleza- Freya

Head : GENUS Project (Original)

Skin : Lefort by Revoul Arabella Genus Applier  Tone RE 10 (+ Chubby Body Applier for Belleza) @ Collabor88

Eyeshadow : Veechi - Cyber Romy Shadow (50L friday)

Cheek Stars : Veechi - Cutie Stars

Hair : -FABIA- Mesh Hair   < Becca> @ Shiny Shabby

Tattoo : DAPPA - Hikaru V2 Tattoo. @ Limit8

Jacket : .miss chelsea. Eevi Jacket (50L Friday)

Panties :DAPPA  - Cursed Panties 

Some good.

Pose : K&S - // No chance to be without you 

Swans : Culprit Swan Seat White (BENTO)

Culprit Swan Seat Black (BENTO)

Available at a 100% Donation to Relay For Life @ The Home & Garden Expo

Taken at my homestead.

I spoke to my RL Mum today. She's a stickler for doing things her way, and as I've been slowly inching my way towards health and happiness, she's not always had the most supportive things to say. "Well hurry up and get it done" has pretty much been the narrative.

We've never had the best relationship, we're a lot alike in personality and we'd clash regularly throughout my teens and.. well, until now, really.

I started to talk to her differently. When I call or visit, I make sure I actually engage with her. I ask her how she is and I listen. I might not have a complete handle on my emotions yet and naturally there's still times where I snap, or she snaps, and we sit in silence for a moment.

Most recently she asked if I liked a pair of shoes she'd purchased for my daughter. I probably should have thought through my answer to be a little more mindful of the effort she went to, but my reply was something along the lines of "Not really, they look like special shoes." She huffed, a lot. For a 70 year old lady she can tantrum like a 6 year old... and rather than just letting it go, I snapped "If you don't want my opinion, don't ask."

I reckon I'm gonna feel bad about that interaction for a while, but I also think that maybe that was important, because I've tended to cower in her presence, and finally, at the grand ol' age of 38, I think I stood up to my Mum.

During my musings about my mental health, I've often wondered how hard it must have been for her growing up, so long ago. It's hardly surprising she has issues due to what she's faced in her past, and having an understanding of that will hopefully allow us to connect on a completely different level.

Anywho. Enjoy the contents of today's blawwwg. Be good to yourself, and each other!

xoxo

Revoul tones for the Arabella Genus Applier skin. I'm wearing RE20, which is top right!

In this set of pictures I'm wearing the DOUX - Brianna Hairstyle and my eyes are Lotus Royalty Mesh Eyes.

All of the things : 

Body Hands & Feet: -Belleza- Freya

Head : GENUS Project (Original)

Skin : Lefort by Revoul Arabella Genus Applier (+ Chubby Body Applier for Belleza) @ Collabor88

Eyelids : L'Etre - Natural mesh eyelids

Ears : ^^Swallow^^ Rox Ears

Hair : *ARGRACE* MAYU (Not sure if this is still available!)

Tattoo : DAPPA - Petal Tattoo. @ Access

Bikini : +MB+ Brianna Bikini 

Nails : Ascendant - Pretentious Nails 

Shake things up.

Pose & Hair : Tableau Vivant \\ Editorial hair \ Daydream Pose (Gacha)

Propthings : {moss&mink} Mya Desk & {moss&mink} Nora chair (formerly @ Equal10)

{moss&mink} Geo Computer (Black)

Mutresse-Drinking-Shortie Cats (Gacha)

+Half-Deer+ Book Clutter II 

nani // neko artist // pencil case_(rez) Gacha

nani // neko artist // papers_(rez) Gacha

/ frag.ments' / All Nighter Lamp ( Hvit )

Bueno -Kitty Cat-Backpack & -Dino- Backpack (Gacha) @ Arcade

I've had this picture done for a little while, and often when I go back to seeing a photo i'd edited a while back, I hate it.. with this one, I'm not having that feeling with this, so that's a bonus!

I don't have anything fancy to say, so i'm just gonna give you some credits, okay?

xoxo

All of the things : 

Body, Hands & Feet : Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara

Head : GENUS Project (babyface)

Skin : [Glam Affair] Olive Applier [ Genus ] Basic Line (Previous 50L Friday)

Eyes : LOTUS. Flow Eyes 

Hair : Entwined Vilde

Outfit : Bueno-Wknd Pants & Top @ Collabor88

Beautiful but broken.

Pose : Foxcity. Observe-6m

Background : FOXCITY. #MOOD Gacha - 5 - Staged (Common) @ Backdrop City

As I was editing this last night I was talking to two of my friends in SL that I consider family.

For me, family in SL has always been a difficult label to achieve. I've had families in the past and it's caused nothing but trouble - in fact, I'm still healing from one of my SL families, and that sounds insane to say for something that is supposed to be a game. However, these two friends of mine are my Glam-ma (Memaw) and Grandpa (Pepaw). I had a bit of a mental health revelation last night and just needed to talk, and luckily, these two beautiful souls were right there and listened.

Not only did they listen to me, but they also shared their own journeys, and they made me feel like I wasn't alone, as though I truly belonged around them, and like I could turn to them, no matter what.

I jokingly said that the photo above got all those feels edited into it, and the more I think about it, the better I feel like there couldn't be a more true statement. I feel like the Pickle shown in the picture is confident, loves and accepts herself, and those are feels that my 'family' confirmed. My grandpa actually asked me "What is your worth, Pickle?" and I answered "Well, I'm getting there, but I'm still working that out." and he said "No. You're priceless. That's how I see you, and that's how I want you to see yourself." 

And now I'm gratefully sobbing into my keyboard at the unselfish show of love both of these beautiful humans managed to share with me last night and every time we speak.

I hope you find your tribe, Spoonies. They're out there, sometimes it just takes a minute to find them.

xoxo

All of the things : 

Body Hands & Feet: -Belleza- Freya

Head & Eyeliner : GENUS Project (babyface)

Skin : Insol: Lika applier @ Collabor88

Eyes : LOTUS. Flow Eyes @ Access

Hair : VCO HAIR _ Wonnie (Gacha) @ Kustom9

Tattoo : DAPPA - Damaged Scars. (Fresh version) @ Hentai Fair

Tank & Chain : .miss chelsea. Alva Tank 

Stole :  .miss chelsea.  Saga Stole 

Skirt & Panties : evani. - Millena skirt @ Kustom9

Boots : #EMPIRE - Sissys @ Collabor88

 Hey, have you seen how interactive the Evani Skirt is? Ok, so it's also a reason to stare at my butt, but hello! How cool is this? It comes with a hud so you can black/whitelist the avatars you actually want to be able to use your skirt, or you can keep it public and let anyone lift the skirt. Kinda love it!

Tuesday night.

Pose : FOXCITY - Me Time-4

Background & Foodthings : FOXCITY. Photo Booth - Crescent Room 

Coffee & Toast : {yumyum}Today's toast (Strawberry)

I'm super sleepy in the face today, I think maybe the weekend is catching up with me.. so maybe it's early nights for Pickle for a while? I mean, probably not, but I'll lay it out there and pretend like I'm sensible.

xoxo

All of the things : 

Body, Hands & Feet : Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara

Head : GENUS Project (babyface)

Skin : Essences Nari @ Kustom9

Eyes : LOTUS. Flow Eyes @ Access

Hair & Hat : [RA] Ary Hair @ Collabor88

Choker : [VO.Z] Simple Strap Choker

Dress : #SHOOK - Kyrie Corset Dress @ Access

Boots : [BREATHE]-Kasume Heels @ The Fetish Fair

This could be perfection.

Pose : Created by the amazing PotatoMan. It's not on Marketplace yet, but you can find his other pose >Here< 

I don't have a lot to say today.

Potato is wearing the Poruka Tattoo by DAPPA @ Equal10

All of the things : 

Body, Hands & Feet : Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara

Head & Eyeliner : GENUS Project (babyface)

Skin : Insol: Lika applier @ Collabor88

Eyes : LOTUS. Royal Eyes @ Vanity Event

Ears : L'Etre - Basic Mesh ears 

Septum : (Yummy) Selene Septum 

Tattoo : DAPPA - NotUrBB Tattoo.@ Equal10

Romper : -Narcisse- Taylor Romper @ Sultry

Shoes & Socks : [BREATHE]-Sayako Heels @ Sultry