Build it up, tear it down.

Uh. I forgot to note the pose again. Sorry. 

I was wondering today, at what point does a conversation go from being a conversation between two adults, to somehow delving into drama? 

Nothing has happened to me, so no need to be concerned or to start ruminating on who Pickle's gotten into a conflict with... calm yer loins dear Spoonies!

But literally 80% of the 'drama' I have had in Second Life has been me saying "Hey, I don't like that. It made me feel this way." and another party going "Well don't you get your drama panties in a twist drama llama, if you don't like this dramatic thing, it's all your dramatic fault."

Now this can be people I've known for years and years (but mostly not, because by that point we've gotten a rapport about accepting the other has feelings, apologizing for whatever we've said or at least discussing it so we understand where the other is coming from), or it is, more likely, someone I have known for days.

Is it really a case of "You're too sensitive, Pickle!" or is it more of a case of any time someones REAL feelings get bought into SL and it's not related to the happy endorphin filled feeling of love or lust, or want or need, it's suddenly backpedal backpedal pushaway?

I realize to some this might sound like I'm one of those people who get offended all the damn time, but I've reached a point in my life where I can accept that different people have thought processes that don't match mine. If you can provide a logical reason as to why you believe something that I find morally wrong, I'll probably come around to the fact that you have a point, but I'll still believe what I want to believe with a greater understanding of the other side. I have friends of all walks of life with very, very different beliefs, Muslims, Christians, Catholics, Trump supporters, Transgender, Gay, Straight, Male, Female, Black, White and Brown. I legitimately have no issues with -people- I have issues with their interpretations of dramatic. But ultimately, I'm responsible for my own feelings... and that too is something I need to remember.

If you're wrong, take accountability and just fess up. Hell, even if you're not wrong, if you've upset someone APOLOGIZE, meaningfully and allow the beautiful parts of that potential friendship to blossom, or walk away with a lighter heart and less of a headache.

xoxo

I thought I'd show you a back view of the pretty hair from Fabia available at the Gacha Garden.

The bow has it's very own hud and you can choose between some solid colours and a few beautiful patterns. Loving this hairstyle so hard!

The Candy Skin from Revoul is available in six tones. RE05, RE10, RE15, RE20, RE25 and RE30. I've chosen to wear RE10 in my main picture today!

It also has six candy coloured lipsticks and a shape, not blogged, so make sure you run over and go demo all the pretties! 

All of the things : 

Body Hands & Feet : Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara

Shape : Kaleidoscope : Revolution Shape.

Skin : Lefort by Revoul.Candy Catwa Applier @ Equal10

Head : CATWA Catya

Eyes : LOTUS. Humanity Eyes @ The Gacha Garden (Opens 1st May)

Ears : L'Etre - Pure mesh ears 

Hair : -FABIA-<Vita> @ The Gacha Garden (Opens 1st May)

Tattoo : DAPPA - Chris Tattoo.@ A+ Event

Top : +MB+ Ellie Top @ Level Event (opens 30th April)

Champagne dreams.

Pose : CW Poses - Right Here

Items used : +Half-Deer+ Dreamrose Princess Bed - Blush Pink

MishMish - My Little Lamb (resized) from a former edition of Luxe Box a million years ago.

uK - Mystic Dew Mist Gold

Jian :: Down on the Ranch - Stone Wall Fence Half

I feel like this picture is a whole entire hashtag for my life. I'm literally exhausted from the moment I wake up, to the moment I go to sleep - and I barely do anything. I can't actually remember what it's like to get off my chair without groaning and today I left a mini tin of vaseline heating up to soften under my boob (shuttup don't act like you don't do that if you have bigger tiddies) for three whole hours because I legit forgot it was there.

Please love me. Please. 

xoxo

All of the things : 

Body  :  -Belleza- Freya

Head : CATWA Kittia

Skin : TRES BEAU MAKEUP CATWA BAE (PEARL)Eyelids : L'Etre - Natural mesh eyelids

Glasses : K{<3}P - Yami Glasses - White

Birthmark : [okkbye] bold birthmarks 

Bandaid & Flower : [Salem] Flower Bandaid

Hair : VCO ~ Sakura [B] Gray (Gacha) @ Kustom9

Tattoo : DAPPA - Daisy Blush.@ Seasons Story

Smexy Pj's : .miss chelsea. Rosi Set For 50L Friday

Slippers : CURELESS [+] Snow Bunny Slippers 

Work it out.

Pose : {PINGPONG} MIMI Bento poses #4 (I don't think this store exists anymore, sorry.)

Background : FOXCITY. Photo Booth - RGB Drive @ Backdrop City

I feel super cute in this whole outfit, go buy it all, immediately, and feel cute with me!

(or don't, but at least tell me I'm adorable.)

xoxo

All of the things : 

Body, Hands & Feet : Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara

Head : CATWA Kittia

Skin : . MILA . Christina Skin [Ivory] CATWA 

Eyes : {S0NG} :: Bubble Eyes 

Eyeliner : Veechi - Scarlett Liner [Catwa]

Ears : L'Etre - Pure mesh ears PIXIE

Hairbase : Tableau Vivant \\ Catwa hairbase 11 - A

Hair : -FABIA- Mesh Hair   < Madeline> @ Tres Chic

Choker : #SHOOK - Identity Choker {SAVAGE}

Shirt : BUENO-NeoTop @ Kustom9

Pants : SPIRIT - Nancy pants @ Kustom9

Shoes : Native - Guetta Sneakers  @ Access

Ok, so this vid is a little weird and I think in an attempt to be edgy they might have cut corners.. but I actually kinda like the song, and the vid was just kinda.. unironically ironic and almost cool. *blinks*.

No apologies.

All of the things : 

Head : CATWA Catya

Skin : TRES BEAU MAKEUP CATWA BAE (PEARL)

Birthmarks :  [okkbye]  bold birthmarks 

Eyeliner : -SU!- Essential Eyeliners /RARE/ (Gacha)

Eyes : LOTUS. Liquid Eyes
Eyebrows : [okkbye] Adumbrate Eyebrows 

Lipstick : REVOUL - Luscious Lipsticks  / Catwa 

Ears : L'Etre - Basic Mesh ears 

Hair : DOUX - Cristal Hairstyle

Necklace : NS::  Fairy kei Rainbow necklace @ Harajuku

Some good.

Pose : K&S - // No chance to be without you 

Swans : Culprit Swan Seat White (BENTO)

Culprit Swan Seat Black (BENTO)

Available at a 100% Donation to Relay For Life @ The Home & Garden Expo

Taken at my homestead.

I spoke to my RL Mum today. She's a stickler for doing things her way, and as I've been slowly inching my way towards health and happiness, she's not always had the most supportive things to say. "Well hurry up and get it done" has pretty much been the narrative.

We've never had the best relationship, we're a lot alike in personality and we'd clash regularly throughout my teens and.. well, until now, really.

I started to talk to her differently. When I call or visit, I make sure I actually engage with her. I ask her how she is and I listen. I might not have a complete handle on my emotions yet and naturally there's still times where I snap, or she snaps, and we sit in silence for a moment.

Most recently she asked if I liked a pair of shoes she'd purchased for my daughter. I probably should have thought through my answer to be a little more mindful of the effort she went to, but my reply was something along the lines of "Not really, they look like special shoes." She huffed, a lot. For a 70 year old lady she can tantrum like a 6 year old... and rather than just letting it go, I snapped "If you don't want my opinion, don't ask."

I reckon I'm gonna feel bad about that interaction for a while, but I also think that maybe that was important, because I've tended to cower in her presence, and finally, at the grand ol' age of 38, I think I stood up to my Mum.

During my musings about my mental health, I've often wondered how hard it must have been for her growing up, so long ago. It's hardly surprising she has issues due to what she's faced in her past, and having an understanding of that will hopefully allow us to connect on a completely different level.

Anywho. Enjoy the contents of today's blawwwg. Be good to yourself, and each other!

xoxo

Revoul tones for the Arabella Genus Applier skin. I'm wearing RE20, which is top right!

In this set of pictures I'm wearing the DOUX - Brianna Hairstyle and my eyes are Lotus Royalty Mesh Eyes.

All of the things : 

Body Hands & Feet: -Belleza- Freya

Head : GENUS Project (Original)

Skin : Lefort by Revoul Arabella Genus Applier (+ Chubby Body Applier for Belleza) @ Collabor88

Eyelids : L'Etre - Natural mesh eyelids

Ears : ^^Swallow^^ Rox Ears

Hair : *ARGRACE* MAYU (Not sure if this is still available!)

Tattoo : DAPPA - Petal Tattoo. @ Access

Bikini : +MB+ Brianna Bikini 

Nails : Ascendant - Pretentious Nails 

Go on girl & Culprit Vlog.

Pose : Go&See * Divine * 6

Background & Props : FOXCITY. Photo Booth - Dance Hall 

Culprit Sonata Baby Grand Piano BENTO @ The Boardwalk Event

[DDD] Twinkling Ivy 

I've had a preeetty busy day today, and although I'm achy and sore, I'm incredibly grateful to just be here to share silly little SecondLife things with you.

I've been working on a vlog, at this moment in time, my editing program is behaving like a complete butthole and I'm struggling immensely!

I'm thoroughly enjoying the whole vlog thing, as it's definitely pushing my levels of personal comfort and feeling a bit like a derp when I talk... and although my editing is basic at best, I'm enjoying learning more each time I try.

xoxo

- Update... for whatever reason, my video editing program was completely ridiculous. After 6 hours attempting to be patient with the lag it was experiencing yesterday, and going to bed annoyed (i like to keep to my self-made deadlines) I decided to attempt a brand new program. Currently, it's worked out pretty well as I've completed the vlog! \o/ Please excuse the animal noises in the background, I shoulda moved from the ground to a platform - and my ground is LITERALLY a farm! 

The Revoul skin shown today is available in 5 tones, my favourite (shown in the main pictures and vlog) is the RE25 tone! ♥

All of the things : 

Body Hands & Feet: -Belleza- Freya

Head : GENUS Project (Original)

Skin : Lefort by Revoul Miami CatwaGenusOmega @ The Skin Fair

Ears : L'Etre - Ringed mesh ears

Hairbase :  Stealthic - Male Hairbase

Hair : KUNI / Alex @ Equal10

Dress : .miss chelsea.  X Oakley Foxtrot - Royale with Cheese Dress V2 @ Kustom9

Nails : Ascendant - Pretentious Nails 

Shoes : [BREATHE]-Kikumi Heels (Formerly @ Kinky Event)

One in a million.

Pose : FOXCITY. Play Ball-6m (Fatpack Exclusive)

Props : *alirium* DownyGrass [Green]

*alirium* PuffyGrass [Green]

LB_FlowersBed{Daisy}

Apple Fall Oxeye Daisy Patch

This picture got me thinking about making daisy chains as a child. I'm kinda old (shh.) so it wasn't unusual to find me in my back garden, sitting cross legged threading daisies from the grass through one another to make long flowery jewelry to adorn my head, neck and wrist, and occasionally my ankle.

That lead me to wonder how to correlate daisies to people... and as I was doing my washing up (ew!) it hit me. When I made the chains in my back garden, some of the daisies would droop while others would thrive. After a few days, I'd replace the droopy, limp flowers with fresh new ones, slotting them in to my creation without even thinking about it. Some times, I would make holes in the stems of the flower using my thumb nail and others, the daisy would be tied tight with a knot.

That is how they relate to people. Our relationships are bound by the slightest thread... the stem of our daisy. Some relationships get tied tightly with the strength of a knot, and other times, we open ourselves up to fit the needs of another. At times, our relationships wilt and we replace old friends with newer, fresher friends that fit our growth pattern.

I guess the only thing that is important in this is reminding ourselves what we want our garden to look like. Which flowers we want to pair with ours that bring the fragrance out as a beautiful medley and enhance our beauty by bringing their own special needs in to our soil. It's also important to weed regularly, because heaven knows how easy it is for someone to suck the nutrients from your roots...

Happy Tuesday, Spoonies.

xoxo

The revoul skin show comes in 5 tones. My favourite being RE20, shown in my main pictures.

All of the things : 

Body Hands & Feet: -Belleza- Freya

Head : GENUS Project (Original)

Skin : Lefort by RevoulChontei CatwaGenusOmega @ The Skin Fair

Eyes : {S0NG} :: Ange Eyes 

Ears : L'Etre - Ringed mesh ears

Hair : Stealthic - Dawn @ Kustom9

Hairpiece : Astralia - Daisy spring wreath 

Shirt & Bag : EVIE - Fanny Spring @ Equal10

Shorts : evani. - Tessa @ Kustom9

Less important.

Pose : FOXCITY. Stairs (Sitting)-4m

Background & Props : FOXCITY. Photo Booth - A Fool's Paradise

{what next} Wall Hanging Plant #1

{what next} Oasis Bloom - Prickly Pear Cactus Planter

{what next} Oasis Bloom - Tall Cactus Planter   

dust bunny . quirky planters . llama

{what next} Oasis Bloom - Succulent Planter

dust bunny . quirky planters . cactus

dust bunny . quirky planters . snail 

dust bunny . quirky planters . hedgehog   

I had a conversation with someone recently that made me think again about who I want to be and where I want to go, and although I feel like without a doubt there have been some positive changes, I do feel like I need to address something that has niggled me for the longest time.

Life isn't fair.

I get that certain people are capable of "playing the game", and therefore they'll be the ones who seemingly succeed, which kinda makes their lives enviable to some... but I can't ever be that person again, if I ever was. The only way I have ever been able to achieve anything is to work my ass off, and as my friend mentioned to me in our conversation, I've worn many hats, especially within SL and whenever I felt like I was heading in a direction that didn't suit me, I think I may have intentionally shot myself in the butt to prevent it from happening. Still, in terms of blogging and photography, no matter how hard I try, how much I think I have improved, my not playing the game hurts me in terms of exposure.

Now, this may seem like I'm sitting here whining that I'm incredibly unpopular, but I'm not. I'm just using this platform as an example of what is changing for me, and how I'm viewing things... and in terms of blogging and many, many other things in my life that I'm not 'there' yet with, I fucking LOVE doing it. Because I love doing this, I will continue to do this. I will not circle jerk and I will stay the eff away from drama surrounding any activity I enjoy. I'm more than happy to work at my own pace now and although that jealousy monster might occasionally rear it's ugly head, it's power is fading daily, and I feel as though each "Congratulations" I pass on to someone else is more genuine than the last.

If others decide to play games, I'll no doubt see it, but it's not my life... it's theirs, and they have every right to live the way they see fit. 

If you love what I do, that's a bonus... but I want to hold my head high and walk with integrity.

So, yeah, life isn't fair, but it does give us a chance to show our worth and I'm finally figuring out what mine is. I'm priceless. And so are you.

xoxo

All of the things : 

Body, Hands & Feet : Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara

Head : GENUS Project (Original)

Skin : . MILA . Neave Skin [Honey] GENUS 

Eyes : -SU!- Medora Eyes /Glitch Wasted (Gacha)

Eyeliner : Veechi - Basic Glossy Liner

Ears : L'Etre - Crystal mesh ears 

Hair :  -Fabia- Mesh Hair   < Andy> @ Rewind (opens 20th March)

Tattoo : DAPPA - Rachel Tattoo. @ Equal10

Shirt : #SHOOK - Thotiana Top @ Level Event

Shorts : BUENO-Spring Shorts @ Kustom9

Sneakers : Native - Another 1 Sneakers 

Sierra & Catwa Layering Vlog.

I may have gotten a little confused with this picture, as I've used me, three times, greenscreened to get this result. For that reason, I don't have any pose credits, so sorry!

There is a bunch of information in this blog, along with a vlog on how to use the Catwa layering options available in all heads, so I'm gonna drop the fact that I'm wearing the Revoul Sierra skin in this picture on three different head brands in different tones, and hop right into all those beautiful credits.

xoxo

Left Pickle things : 

Body, Hands & Feet : Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara

Head : GENUS Project (Original)

Skin : Lefort by Revoul.Sierra Genus tone RE25 @ The Skin Fair

Eyes : LOTUS. Flow Eyes 

Ears : .random.Matter. - Natural Elfie Ears

Hairbase : Just Magnetized - Basic Hairbase - set 14 for OMEGA

Hair : 8.Doe: Makina V1 - Neon (This is a gacha hair, and I'm not sure where it's located as it was a gifty. Ty Cutie!)

Bodysuit : .Enfant Terrible. May Bodysuit (Former BoundBox item)

Middle Pickle things : 

Body, Hands & Feet : Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara

Head : LAQ Bento - Motion Capture - Scarlet 3.05

Skin : Lefort by Revoul.Sierra Omega tone RE40 @ The Skin Fair

Eyes :  Revoul. Revoulutionized Beauty Eyes 

Eyebrows : [okkbye] Eutropic Eyebrows (CATWA/OMEGA)

Hair : -Fabia- Mesh Hair   < Elizabeth> (Style option one) @ Shiny Shabby (Closes on the 15th!)

Bodysuit : .Enfant Terrible. May Bodysuit (Former BoundBox item)

Right Pickle things (& Vlog Credits): 

Body, Hands & Feet : Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara

Head : CATWA Catya

Skin : Lefort by Revoul.Sierra Catwa tone RE15 @ The Skin Fair

Eyes : -SU!- Medora Eyes /Glitch Wasted/ (Gacha)

Eyeliner : -SU!- Essential Eyeliners /RARE/ (Gacha)

Eyebrows *only in vlog* :  [okkbye] Eutropic Eyebrows (CATWA/OMEGA)

Ears : L'Etre - Crystal mesh ears  

Face Tattoo : DAPPA - Brutal Face Tattoo. @ The Skin Fair

Hair :  -Fabia- Mesh Hair   < Elizabeth> (Style option two) @ Shiny Shabby (Closes on the 15th!)

Bodysuit : .Enfant Terrible. May Bodysuit (Former BoundBox item)

Fade away.

Pose : Foxcity. Breezy-1 (edited)

Bag : BUENO-AniBags Gacha - Bunny, Held @ Arcade (Opens March 1st)

Background : [BH9] - BHX V2  

Various Mesh People from Marketplace >Here<

Luggage from Bueno Gachas

I've got a pretty shitty track-record when it comes to walking away from people.

In the past, I have run screaming from those who thoroughly deserved my attention and into the arms of those who didn't. I've seen a side to something I can't quite compute, and walked briskly away, and there's even been a few times that I just walked away because they had told me something I wasn't ready to hear.

I make no secret of the fact I have Borderline Personality Disorder, and apparently this running screaming from the 'right' people thing is something that is quite common for people with BPD. Saying that, I'm also aware that people without the condition (?) also go through this, so then I was left with that "But when is it BPD and when it is RIGHT?" question, pretty much constantly.

Because of that question circling around in my brain, I've learned recently to just let it go. If it doesn't feel right, it doesn't matter if it's my mental illness or if it's a gut decision, after all, if i'm left with a sense of peace when the decision has been made, my life has been altered for the better.

I honestly feel like the amount of people I push from my life has altered dramatically. For a minute, I was chucking bodies left right and centre in an attempt to shovel away that bad feeling, when a lot of the bad feeling was coming from inside me. I've worked on myself (and I admit I'm a very basic work in progress, even after this last year of constant self reflection), and I'm learning my toxic traits and attempting to rectify them to the best of my ability. I will undoubtedly always have traits that certain people consider toxic and I'm never going to be able to please everyone, but for my benefit I feel like I need to leave less of a trail of destruction in my path and aim for more rainbows and butterflies.

Hurt people hurt people, and I don't want to hurt anymore, and I definitely never mean to hurt anyone else.

On that note, have a great weekend, and go grab some quality gear from our favourite SL creators!

xoxo

Revoul have come out with the beautiful Chun Skin. My favourite tone is the RE10, which is the second on the left, but all of these are beautiful! \o/

All of the things :

Body Hands & Feet: -Belleza- Freya

Head : CATWA Magy

Skin : Lefort by Revoul.Chun Catwa Applier @ Kustom9

Ears : L'Etre - Pure mesh ears 

Hair : DOUX - Brianna Hairstyle (This was at an event, but  can't remember which one. Soz!)

Tattoo : DAPPA - Vision Tattoo. @ Mancave Event

Choker : DAZED. Salem Choker

Dress : .miss chelsea. Rebane Dress @ N21