Build it up, tear it down.

Uh. I forgot to note the pose again. Sorry. 

I was wondering today, at what point does a conversation go from being a conversation between two adults, to somehow delving into drama? 

Nothing has happened to me, so no need to be concerned or to start ruminating on who Pickle's gotten into a conflict with... calm yer loins dear Spoonies!

But literally 80% of the 'drama' I have had in Second Life has been me saying "Hey, I don't like that. It made me feel this way." and another party going "Well don't you get your drama panties in a twist drama llama, if you don't like this dramatic thing, it's all your dramatic fault."

Now this can be people I've known for years and years (but mostly not, because by that point we've gotten a rapport about accepting the other has feelings, apologizing for whatever we've said or at least discussing it so we understand where the other is coming from), or it is, more likely, someone I have known for days.

Is it really a case of "You're too sensitive, Pickle!" or is it more of a case of any time someones REAL feelings get bought into SL and it's not related to the happy endorphin filled feeling of love or lust, or want or need, it's suddenly backpedal backpedal pushaway?

I realize to some this might sound like I'm one of those people who get offended all the damn time, but I've reached a point in my life where I can accept that different people have thought processes that don't match mine. If you can provide a logical reason as to why you believe something that I find morally wrong, I'll probably come around to the fact that you have a point, but I'll still believe what I want to believe with a greater understanding of the other side. I have friends of all walks of life with very, very different beliefs, Muslims, Christians, Catholics, Trump supporters, Transgender, Gay, Straight, Male, Female, Black, White and Brown. I legitimately have no issues with -people- I have issues with their interpretations of dramatic. But ultimately, I'm responsible for my own feelings... and that too is something I need to remember.

If you're wrong, take accountability and just fess up. Hell, even if you're not wrong, if you've upset someone APOLOGIZE, meaningfully and allow the beautiful parts of that potential friendship to blossom, or walk away with a lighter heart and less of a headache.

xoxo

I thought I'd show you a back view of the pretty hair from Fabia available at the Gacha Garden.

The bow has it's very own hud and you can choose between some solid colours and a few beautiful patterns. Loving this hairstyle so hard!

The Candy Skin from Revoul is available in six tones. RE05, RE10, RE15, RE20, RE25 and RE30. I've chosen to wear RE10 in my main picture today!

It also has six candy coloured lipsticks and a shape, not blogged, so make sure you run over and go demo all the pretties! 

All of the things : 

Body Hands & Feet : Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara

Shape : Kaleidoscope : Revolution Shape.

Skin : Lefort by Revoul.Candy Catwa Applier @ Equal10

Head : CATWA Catya

Eyes : LOTUS. Humanity Eyes @ The Gacha Garden (Opens 1st May)

Ears : L'Etre - Pure mesh ears 

Hair : -FABIA-<Vita> @ The Gacha Garden (Opens 1st May)

Tattoo : DAPPA - Chris Tattoo.@ A+ Event

Top : +MB+ Ellie Top @ Level Event (opens 30th April)

Catwa Catya & Maitreya Basics. Vlog.

Well, this has been a long time coming!

I've wanted to get into vlogs for the longest time, but my confidence was pretty much shot and I really didn't believe I could do it. Yesterday, however, I spent the entire day figuring out how to do this.

It's pretty basic, I uhm and er a lot, I need to work on the volume and there's very light editing and no music... however, I think this is a pretty decent start... the only way is up, right?

All the things :

Skybox : BUENO-Studio Skybox-Pure

Body, Hands & Feet : Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara

Head : CATWA Catya

Skin : Go&See * Anya * (Tropic Tone)

Shape : Kaleidoscope Believe

Eye Applier :  Go&See * Anya *  & LOTUS. Flow Eyes 

Eyeliner : Veechi - Basic Glossy Liner

Eyelashes : Veechi - Lily Lashes @ N21
Hair : TRUTH VIP Kaijah

Clothing : .miss chelsea. X Miaa Rebane - Rebane Set @ N21
Boots : [BREATHE]-Kasume Heels @ The Fetish Fair

Perception.

Pose : *!R.O!* Perspective BENTO Pose (Comes with Mesh Sunglasses - not shown)

Sunglasses : .miss chelsea. Gaia Sunglasses Bold @ The Epiphany

Location : LaZy DaZe Surf Beach

Epiphany opens today at 10pm SLT, and I for one am super excited, as a few of my favourite stores will be participating!

Of course, Miss Chelsea is one of those stores, and they've provided this super cute outfit - from hairband to shoes, and a few extra pieces in between.

I paired that with this Dappa tattoo, because the delicacy appealed to me in terms of boho-ness.

As usual, there's more pictures below, along with landmarks and things!

xoxo

All of the things : 

Body Hands & Feet: -Belleza- Freya 

Shape : Kaleidoscope : Shine Shape

Head : CATWA Catya

Skin : .: fiore :. STACY Catwa Applier 

Eyes :  CATWA Mesh Eyes 

Eyebrows : Bossie. Autumn eyebrows [catwa] 

Freckles : Bossie. freckles & beauty marks [catwa]

Septum : (Yummy) Lotus

Eye Liner : . Veechi  - Matte Winged Eyeliner

Lipstick : [PF] CATWA Lipstick - Queen Palette (From an old Powder Pack)

Ears : .:[PUMEC] :.  - / Mesh Ears\ Bohemian 

Earrings : Kibitz -- Lucia Earring @ Kustom9

Hair & Hairbase : S.E CATWA RED CARPET @ Kustom9

Tattoo : DAPPA - Laced Tattoo. @ Vanity Event

Outfit (includes Hairband, choker, shoes & shirt & shorts) :  .miss chelsea. Festival Feels Gacha @ The Epiphany

Speak to me kindly.

Pose : FOXCITY. Insomnia-7

Decor, Props & Background : 

[sau]Grasshopper[lite][oil stain] (Previously @ TMD)

Turlaccor Custombike Helmet Red Devil

taikou / 2AM backdrop

Happy Tuesday peoples!

I didn't quite make Man-Pickle Monday yesterday and I can only apologize, things got a little hectic and I just brain-farted and then decided to concentrate on today's post, because I promised you ALL THE THINGS on the last one!

So here's all the things!

Can I just OHMYSPARKLES at how cute this flippin' Go&See Hela skin is? Literally every tone looks amazing, and I love love love the new TROPIC tone, it's a much 'warmer' tan, and I adore it! so just in case you can't see the little text i tried to apply, from left to right - Albi, Goth, Pale, Summer, Tan, Dark Tan, Tropic. As usual, there's no effects or photoshopping involved in these pictures except for the obvious lines defining the skin differences... and they're taken in Firestorm, on CalWL, on Ultra settings.

I noticed there was an omega face applier in the pack for the Go&See skin, so being the curious Pickle I am, I threw on my Lelutka Chloe head and gave it a shot.

Now, at first, I was a bit "ARGH WHAT HAVE I DONE!?" about it. But now? I think I really like it, and have actually been rocking this skin on the Chloe head for the last day or so. The picture shown here was my initial shape, and I've tinkered about with it a little more, and although this isn't a bad interpretation, I think what I've come up with is actually even better than this. So, from my experimental experiments, i can definitely attest to the Hela skin looking mighty fine on the Lelutka Chloe head too. At some point, I'd like to try it on the LAQ heads I have, but tbh, that might not happen because I can be quite lazy *coughs*.

It's worth remembering that although Omega appliers may be offered in skin packs, every head has different shading points. Something I noticed with the Lelutka Chloe head was that i needed to adjust my nose a bunch and make the nose as wide as possible along the bridge so that the shading made sense. I understand that many people don't like changing their shape, but again, I'll just make it clear that the teeniest little tweak really can make all the difference between "Oh no bb, wat r u doin'?" and "Oooh. Hello Gorgeous!"

I also want to shout out to Lotus here, because I'm a derp... the eyes I'm wearing in this picture come in the Lelutka Chloe hud, but Lotus DOES in fact provide lelutka eye appliers and you can get the same DREAMY eyes shown on my catwa head for your Lelutka head, too!

Stepping away from the Go&See skin for a minute...

Here's an up-close looksie at the beautiful Lashes supplied by Saga currently out at the mainstore.

There are FOUR packs, with TWO different lashes offered in each, and they all come with black and white (to tint, or not to tint!) options. The pack shown here is "Angy" and I'm sure you'll agree they're stunning.

They are only available for Catwa heads, so i'm rocking them on my Catya, and the eyes are of course the lovely "Dreamy" eyes from Lotus.

More things & Landmarks below!

xoxo

All of the things : 

Body Hands & Feet: -Belleza- Freya 

Skin : Go&See * Hela * Pale @ Blush
Shape : Kaleidoscope : Revolution Shape.

Head : CATWA Catya

Eyes : CATWA Mesh Eyes 

Eye Applier : LOTUS : Dreamy Eyes @ Pocket Gacha

Lashes : :: SAGA :: Angy Lashes/CATWA (Mainstore)

Hair : RAMA SALON - Gina Hair (Gacha) @ The Epiphany

Shirt :  .miss chelsea. Alix Tank @ Uber

Jacket : Jacket :BUENO-Gemma Jacket  @ Uber

Nails & Rings : ~GD~J Star's Ringed(Baddie Claws) - Belleza Bento Hands

Pants :  .miss chelsea.  Alix Sweats @ Uber

Shoes : REIGN. - Abbie Pumps 

All credit to the fabulous Juniface for the music today! Thanks for introducing me to this, Lady! <3 <3

Give me something.

Location : Whole wheat (New LM!)

So this is gonna be a pretty quick post, but I have legitimately got SO MUCH TO SAY about all the things, I fully intend to do a much larger post on a few of the items.

For example! The go&see skin that i'm currently wearing is literally giving me life! Also, Kristyna has added TWO new tones, one paler than her gothic tone, and one darker than the old darkest tone. I will show you, I promise!! The Belleza foot problem is no longer a problem, and in her incredibly detailed hud you can now find three feet options, along with all the breast & bum & *cough* foof options, so she's definitely been super busy - and I hope you agree just from the headshot alone her work is definitely paying off!

The eyes I'm wearing are from Lotus, and i'm in awe of the gorgeous two-tone colours. I cannot heart hands these enough. I feel like eyes are the most under-rated body part in SL, with many people not quite realizing how much they add to the quality of their avatar. Lotus never fails to deliver.

Saga have a bunch of eyelashes available at their mainstore at the moment! I've probably not done these justice, and there are four versions, two black, two white (to tint), and I swear I'll revisit these gorgeous natural lashes and show you in more detail when I'm not doing all the things!

Tableau Vivant have been pretty impressive lately too. I'm not sure why, but with most of their hairs I seem to sway towards white. Especially when pairing it with any go&see skin... I just naturally gravitate towards it. This is slightly more grey toned than my usual white, so I guess that's a little different? :P

Anywho, I'm off to do the Partying with Adam & his Models @ Southern Roots. Who knows, maybe I'll see you there? 

xoxo

All of the things :

Skin : Go&See * Hela * Pale @ Blush
Shape : Kaleidoscope : Revolution Shape.

Head : CATWA Catya

Eyes : CATWA Mesh Eyes 

Eye Applier : LOTUS : Dreamy Eyes @ Pocket Gacha

Lashes : :: SAGA :: Angy Lashes/CATWA (Mainstore)

Ears : ^^Swallow^^ Dragon Ears 

Hair :  Tableau vivant // Vento hair @ Uber

Tattoo :  DAPPA - Umi Tattoo. @ SaNaRae

Necklace : +Half-Deer+ Forest Charm - Deer Necklace (Gacha)

Don't know what I'm doing.

Pose : FOXCITY. Insomnia-1 (Fatpack exclusive)

Background : uK - Mystic Dew Drops

ANTINATURAL[+] Post-Human / Void Bathroom @ Lootbox

As you may have guessed yesterday I've been feeling kinda meh for a couple of days and I decided to get that shit out of my system by taking a picture depicting it.

Little did I know that it would actually become more than I thought it could be.

Let me explain.

Along with being an anxious bunny, I struggle with depression. It's also no secret that I also have borderline personality disorder, which, like anxiety & depression, affects every sufferer differently.

This backdrop is absolutely fudging perfect to express all the feels I've been going through for the last few days. The spilling of the sink is everything I cannot deal with overflowing, my anxiety just running onto the floor as I struggle to cope with general day-to-day tasks as simple as feeding myself, or picking the phone up when it rings. The floor breaking under my feet signifies more of the falling apart I can feel, as though if I don't keep up appearances or plaster the smile on my face and act like a positive human being when I all want is to crawl into my bed, everything will crumble beneath me. Finally the door, the light at the end of the tunnel. It's not far, Pickle. All you need to do is stand the F up and walk a couple of paces and you're there. You've escaped.

But then you get to the bigger picture.

You're not struggling with the environment at all, really. It's the inner you. The monster you become when you can have an episode pushing those people who care for you and you care for far away.

There's expectation, the manacles, tying you to what you think you should be doing compared to the things you need to do to save yourself. Those chains, they're also your fears, if you break them, you have LITERALLY no excuse to not behave like a functioning member of society - but if it's been a while since you functioned, that fear on it's own can keep you locked up.

The collar around your neck, that's extra weight, distraction. Like pushing food around on your plate and never lifting the fork to your mouth you're just not feeding yourself with the positivity you need... another reminder that though you're technically free and you have the key to end your own suffering, you're not yet strong enough to stand up to what is essentially your own self.

So you just sit there, and you watch things fall apart around you, feeling sorry for yourself and rubbing at your temples because of the constant headache you feel, your eyes closed and those monstrous hands wrestling to stay tender as you soothe yourself in the best way you know how - in the safest way you know how.

Alone.

I'm reminded of a situation 10 years ago that has haunted me. I went to a tarot card reader. Something that always, always interested me. I sat down and she read my cards for me, and there is ONE thing that has stuck in my head, and that was... "You'll never be happy because you don't allow yourself to be happy."

To someone like me that's not just a blanket statement. That's something that has smacked me in the face every time I think that sought after happiness is almost within my grasp. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm miserable - the  majority of the time I'm really not, but I am definitely a realist... and I can't help feeling as though that one sentence from that stranger (Who also told me I would have a lovely wedding and go on to have twins - which was actually a totes balls-up), has effectively scrubbed any hope I had for happiness from my future because of ME. Because *I* am incapable of it. Essentially, I have victimized myself.

I don't mean to appear like a victim, I'm well aware that there are many, many people who deal with far more than I ever have, who are still standing tall and adulting effectively. I would love to find out why it is certain people have that ability and why I'm not one of them, but I'm not sure it'll be seen in my lifetime. 

Rest assured, despite this apparently negative post, I am not in an absolutely terrible place. I am not a danger to myself and although I may joke about going on a rampage with a machete, it's not currently on my to-do list. I'm aware this is a phase, and I actually feel a bunch better having succeeded in using this blog and picture as therapy.

I genuinely hope your friday is full of love and laughter and if it's not? There's almost always a tomorrow.

xoxo

All of the things : 

Body :  Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara

Shape : Kaleidoscope : Shine Shape

Head : CATWA Catya

Skin : .: fiore :. STACY Catwa Applier 

Eyes : CURELESS [+] Yuurei Eyes

Eyebrows : Bossie. Annie eyebrows [catwa] 

Eyeshadow :  Veechi - Pulse Shadow [Catwa] @ Uber
Ears : ^^Swallow^^ Ears Elf HD 

Hairbase & Hair : Tableau Vivant \\ Mei hair @ Neo Japan Event (Opens tomorrow, 31st March)

Tattoo : DAPPA - Draco Tattoo. @ Kinky Event

Collar : 21. [CX] Necronomic Mother - Collar - Mono/M/RARE (gacha)

Pasties & Panties : From the Moon Elixir - Gothique Gacha

Hands : ANTINATURAL[+] Post-Human / Monsterhand (Gacha) @ Lootbox

Cuffs : CODE-5 [OLD MANACLES ] 

Foot claws : [CX] Canidae Claws

Over it all.

Pose : FOXCITY. Sass-5

Background : MONS / 3D - Hello World Photoshoot Decor (style2)

I think I woke up okay today, and then just began to slowly deteriorate mood-wise for no apparent reason, and now I'm staring angrily at the PC as though it's my nemesis.

For that reason, I am not going to write anything more, just check the credits k? K. 

xoxo

All of the things : 

Body & Feet: -Belleza- Isis
Shape : Kaleidoscope : Shine Shape

Head : CATWA Catya

Skin : .: fiore :. STACY Catwa Applier 

Eyes :  CATWA Mesh Eyes 

Eyebrows : Bossie. Annie eyebrows [catwa] 

Freckles : Bossie. freckles & beauty marks [catwa]

Eye Liner : . MILA . Princess of Darkness Makeup

Highlight : . MILA . Metallic Highlighter

Lipstick : [PF] CATWA LIPSTICK - Pure Matte (Purples)

Ears : Random.Matter - Haruhi Ears

Earrings :  :: SAGA ::  Leonore Earring DUO @ ULTRA Event

Hair & Hairbase : HoMAGE -- James Joint 

Necklace : Kibitz - Felicia's thick choker - RARE 1 (Gacha) @ Lootbox

Outfit :  .miss chelsea. Yara Bodysuit & .miss chelsea. Yara Pants @ Uber
Hands : Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara (Yes you can wear your Maitreya hands! Activate SLINK FIT on the Belleza body, but be aware you WILL need omega/maitreya enabled appliers for skins & tattoos!)

Nails : Astralia - Compatible mesh nails system

Nail Polish : Hello Dave - Nail Appliers - Astralia - The Bold One

Rings : Kibitz - Adelie rings 

Bracelets : Kibitz - Kayla bracelets & Kibitz -- Olivia Watch (Bracelet only)

Can't fake.

Pose : <K&S> My good girl. Pose 3 @ Limit8

Another quick post today, it seems the last few days has exhausted me, and I'm sleeping longer than usual to try and make up for it! Not complaining, cus I love my bed!!

Santi joined me as a man-dolly today, and I'm hoping he's going to become a regular feature in the blog now. I don't think I want to get rid of him, ever. Never has a guy treated me with so much respect, building me up when I'm low and just being there when I need somebody. Already he credits me with far too much, but has really been the one to bless my life with his understanding and steadfast reassurances. I'm a very, very lucky girl.

Enough gross sappiness, I will try and keep that to a minimum in future. 

Here's what you came for!

All of the things : 

Skin : Essences - RARE #11 Essences [Lydia P01] (Gacha) @ Pocket Gacha 

Head : CATWA Catya

Shape : Kaleidoscope : Believe Shape 

Eyes : CATWA Mesh Eyes 

Eyes :  LOTUS. Orchid Eyes - Catwa (Gacha)

Hair : #Foxy - Lovesick. 

Ears : ^^Swallow^^ Pixie Ears 

Your spell.

Location : de*cid*u*ous

In this photo I'm wearing the new skin from Essences available at Kustom9. I absolutely freakin' love Essences skin, and they have been a staple in my life since my Pickle avatar was created (and before that, too). Needless to say it's an honor to be permitted to blog for the brand. The lips on this skin are EVERYTHING for me, they just look so soft and pouty, and that's something I enjoy immensely. This is the Pale01 tone, and it's the palest of the regular tones which I favour during the winter months. I've previously mentioned the eyebrow colours too, and Essences include black, brown, red, ginger, blonde & no brow options in every release. 

My eyes are by Lotus, I'm using the catwa applier version on my unrigged catwa eyes.

With Lotus, you can absolutely guarantee perfect eyes every time. Her textures are flawless, and the closer you get to the eyes, the more detail you see. There's also an amazing shine on the eye without even using the materials option on the viewer. All her eyes have a different colour-palette and are completely different, in incredibly subtle ways. These Escapism eyes are exceptional and if you can pair them with the catwa eyes with the dilating pupils, it brings them to life in a very special way.

The glasses are from #Shook. I was directed to this store by a friend, and immediately decided I loved the quality. These are the Lunari glasses, and on popping them on my face, I squealed. The frames are SO delicate that I imagine they would feel very light on my head haha.

Lastly, if you haven't visited the "deciduous" sim, you really should. It's beautiful!

All of the things :

Body, Hands & Feet : Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara

Skin : Essences - Cinnamon @ Kustom9

Head : CATWA Catya

Shape : Kaleidoscope : Believe Shape 

Eyes : CATWA Mesh Eyes 

Eyes :  LOTUS. Escapism Eyes - Catwa @ District 20

Hair : *Tentacio* Winter Bunny. Kioky hair (Gacha) @ Kustom9

Glasses : #SHOOK - Lunari Sunglasses 

Ears : ^^Swallow^^ Pixie Ears 

Choker : Burial. Puppy Choker @ Limit8

Scarf : .S&S. Soopascarf

On a completely unrelated note, today is Consent's big "Very Zombie Christmas" Event.

It starts at 5pm SLT and will go until 11pm SLT. I have an absolute TON of pressies to give out, and the Dj line-up is DEFINITELY showcasing some of the best in SL.

Dress up in Christmas Zombie items to be eligible for prizes & surprises!

TP to Consent  > Here <

Just strut.

Pose & Ball : FOXCITY. Play Ball-5 

Background and things : Virtual Decay Basketball Court 

Bueno- Workout Bag

!! Follow US !! Sports bag 

Bazar - Stockholm-Sneakers decor (female)

LISP - Mesh - Water Bottle Pink

Apple Fall Old Stained Bench

Trees on the street >Marketplace<

:Fanatik Architecture: LISBON ROADS

SD - Van 1

Urban Jungle - City Fillers 

All of the things :

Body Hands & Feet : Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara

Skin : Milan - Aileen BB40 Catwa Applier (Comes with body appliers \o/)

Shape :  Kaleidoscope : Bright Shape. (Note: This is a shape I made for the Lona head, but works really lovely with Catya without any edits.)

Head : CATWA Catya 

Eyes : CATWA Mesh Eyes 

Ears :  ^^Swallow^^  Gauged Ears

Eye Applier :Elysian (Vibrant) Catwa

Hairbase : #SIIX // Cambodian Hairbase

Hair : [DUE] Berry //

Earbuds : random.Matter - Wonho Set - Earbuds [White]

Outfit : #EMPIRE - Pop Gacha - *KYLIE  @The Arcade 

Boots :  #EMPIRE - Quince  @ Kinky Event

Redemption.

Pose + Bow & Arrow : *!R.O!* Huntress BENTO Pose

All of the things : 

Body Hands & Feet : Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara

Skin : Essences - Lilo (Catwa) for  Powder Pack July
Shape : Kaleidoscope : Revolution Shape.

Head : CATWA Catya

Eyes : CATWA Mesh Eyes 

Eye Applier : Izzie's - Powder Pack  July 

Face Tattoo : Veechi - Chimera Face Paint

Hair : .Lelutka.HF03 hair

Tattoo : .::Nanika::. Dreamcatcher tattoo Henna RARE @ The Fantasy Gacha Carnival (Open on the 7th!!)

Necklace : Anachron - Fantasy Necklace - Forest Human (Gacha) @ The Fantasy Gacha Carnival (Open on the 7th!!)

Shirt : [[ Masoom ]] Devious Top @ Kinky Event

Fur : [I<3G] Theda - Fur RARE @ The Fantasy Gacha Carnival (Open on the 7th!!)

Skirt :  [I<3G] Merdina Belt [RARE] @ The Fantasy Gacha Carnival (Open on the 7th!!)