I feel like this picture is a whole entire hashtag for my life. I'm literally exhausted from the moment I wake up, to the moment I go to sleep - and I barely do anything. I can't actually remember what it's like to get off my chair without groaning and today I left a mini tin of vaseline heating up to soften under my boob (shuttup don't act like you don't do that if you have bigger tiddies) for three whole hours because I legit forgot it was there.
My local corner shop is offering Flaming Hot Twisted Cheeto's, so I purchased two packs, and watched a huge amount of the Great British Bake Off today. I really feel like this picture is an entire mood!
The idea for this picture came from a photo that Clara posted on Facebook. You can find the original version >Here<. I often collect Clara's posts, because they're either visually inspiring or uh, lyrically inspiring? I'm not wordy enough today!
I'm still exhausted, although I feel a billion times better than yesterday, so my hopes are high! I thought I might be coming down with a virus, but maybe I just skirted that, fingers crossed, eh?
I've had this picture done for a little while, and often when I go back to seeing a photo i'd edited a while back, I hate it.. with this one, I'm not having that feeling with this, so that's a bonus!
I don't have anything fancy to say, so i'm just gonna give you some credits, okay?
I know there'd usually be a man-Pickle or at least a Durex in this post, but obviously today they're both missing, and you're left with some nude Pickle butt. Not sorry!
I think I may have discussed this previously, but I have -diagnosed by a therapist- Borderline Personality Disorder and lately, I've been watching some online videos regarding this uh.. condition? Personality? I don't even know what to call it because "Mental Issue" just sounds eeky and like I'm ready to stab someone with a machete at any moment, which really isn't the case... (mostly).
I'm not sure how many of you will identify with this disorder, but I'm sure there will be a few of you that even though you don't have this condition, you may relate on some level, because let's face it, you don't have to be bonkers to feel some type of way sometimes. Anywho, specifically referring to the issues I've always experienced with maintaining healthy friendships and relationships, I've learned that the a lot of the traits I have there are actually borderline traits, and I'd like to talk about that a little. Now, don't for a moment think that just because I'm talking about this, and you potentially identify with something similar that you have Borderline, but if you do your own research and feel like you might, I highly recommend talking to your doctor or therapist and finding out for certain. don't diagnose yourself for lawds sake!
So according to my research, as a person with Borderline, I'm unable to stay in a grey area when it comes to people and their actions... and this has proven to be true a LOT recently. I have a tendency to be either "Yep, they're awesome" or "Nope, avoid", and people that sit within that grey area for me are kinda irrelevant and I am unable to focus on.. but honestly, that grey area is TEENY TINY in the grand scheme of things, I'll either decide immediately that I like or dislike you, or I'll fold you into the grey area of "I don't mind you.. BUT."
There's also the huge issue of being unable to see past black and white, like "Hey I like you today" but when your actions don't match your words, I can't quite compute that, and suddenly you're a terrible person and now I'm ranting and trying to understand why it is I think you're a terrible person when actually, you've only done one minor thing that isn't -perfect- but I can't unsee it and now I'm spiraling and OMG!
So I knew I did these things. More recently, I have been desperately trying to understand why I have always felt like this, and it was only thanks to the accidental youtube binge I went on that I discovered it was most definitely a borderline trait.
Now, I'm not saying that because it's a part of my 'mental illness' it's something that I (or you by proxy) should just deal with - I really don't feel that way at all. However, it does allow me to forgive myself for the past issues I've had with friendships and relationships, and now I'm fully aware that it is part of my brain malfunctioning, I will hopefully be in a position to correct it as it happens.
That being said, it does leave me in a bit of a tizz when I think about it, because now I really do second guess myself, but as I said to Potato a couple of days ago, "When I get that bad feeling in the pit of my stomach about a person, does it really matter if it's just my borderline?" I guess I'll keep you updated!
I may refer to my "Midlife Crisis" fairly often, but it really is a journey of self-discovery, and of self acceptance and improvement. I am not perfect. I will never BE perfect... but I can be better and I really feel like the greater the understanding I have of my mental illness, the more facets of it I can work on, and ANYONE who is mad at personal improvement is just not worth worrying about.
This picture was inspired 100% by the absolutely adorable Culprit FuzzyWuzzy!!
Culprit currently has a storewide sale going on, so for a while you can grab this gorgeously fuzzy, cuddly kitty for 50L.. along with some equally as amazing items. The sale is in order to provide the Culprit creators with a brand new roof for their house, and in light of the recent forays into go-fund-me's and other awkward fundraisers, in my opinion this is beneficial for everyone. Low-cost, quality SL items which will equate to real life help. Shop your little hearts out, grab some unique Holiday gifts and have a blast in the process. Lovely jubbly!
Sometimes, mental health just creeps up on you and finally, for the first time in almost 10 years, I decided to distance myself from SL for a while.
Some of you will know that this is incredibly difficult for me. For a long time, SL has been somewhat of a crutch, but in recent months it's also become more of a beast in need of caging.
I can't help but see how SL is a boiling pot of people, all coming together to suit their own agendas, and in theory, that idea is beautiful. In reality, what seems we have discovered is that when our masks come off, humanity doesn't seem to care too much about others. We don't have the time to find ourselves, and we're all so hurt that hurting others is an easy alternative to focusing on our issues and building ourselves up. The society of validation has become ridiculous.. no one is responsible for your happiness other than yourself. I can't compete with social media likes, and I refuse to be one of the sheeples that incessantly kisses ass in order to become a someone.
This isn't linked JUST to SL and the internet, but the whole world is in a really crazy state of turmoil, and if you can't see it - I pity you the most.
I am tired.
We are ALL tired.
Plans for the future? Well, I'm going to continue to work on myself. I really do have everything I could possibly need in terms of material items and emotional support. I have a good group of friends that understand me and can kick my ass if needed, but will also lift me up and be legitimately proud of my accomplishments.
The whole idea of someone blowing smoke up my arse in order to make themselves feel better fills me with horror, and I can no longer be a party to allowing those people in my life.
I hope to continue to take a step back away from SL. I think it's going to be a very slow process, but I can see what a negative distraction it can become, and while I'm involved, I'd like my experiences to be filled with positivity, beauty and creativity.
Have a fantastic Wednesday, guys... and rest assured, although this may have been a bit of a downer to read, this is positive for me, and I hope it stirs something within you, too.
Whenever I feel like I can't people successfully, I pet.
It doesn't usually happen for long periods of time, mostly just a couple of hours, but recently, I've kind of started to absolutely adore being a puppy.
I know there's a D/s term for this nonsense, but I don't have a Dominant, nor am I looking - mostly because I have a Jake, and having a Jake (luckily with a Punky attached) has been far more successful for me than having an official Dominant!
When I'm a puppy, or a kitty, or a faun, or any other kind of animal-style-thingy-ma-bob, it's entirely probable that I'm feeling slightly more vulnerable. There doesn't have to be a particular reason for my vulnerability and often, there isn't ONE reason for it... it's a culmination of things that just make me want to retreat slightly and stand at the edge of the crowd rather than finding myself central to the action. It's my time to reflect.
Where many true Babygirls may have 'little space', I find myself to be better suited to 'pet space'. I suppose both are a bit weird if you don't understand the concept!
Oddly enough, when I feel in a 'pet' kind of mood, I also feel more creative - which leads on from what I was saying a couple of days ago. Somehow being vulnerable, or allowing myself to feel the way I need to in order to heal myself, I am far more able to feel like 'me' despite the fact that my avatar might run around with a tail and ears.
I'm a bizarre little Pickle, and ultimately, I suppose I'm just glad I'm able to have this outlet to throw out my random ventings and occasionally pretty pictures!
“Will you walk into my parlour?” said the Spider to the Fly, 'Tis the prettiest little parlour that ever you did spy; The way into my parlour is up a winding stair, And I've a many curious things to show when you are there.”
- Mary Howlet
This is a theme I had been toying with since I found the Cureless eyes at previous round of Fifty Linden Fridays. I was slightly upset to realize they aren't add-on attachments, but in fact tattoo's/makeup - but they are so beautifully drawn, I am ultimately not disappointed.
Also, please please check out this beautiful skin from Lumae, I haven't been able to showcase it as well as I would like today, but I will definitely be wearing it again, as it is stunning!!
I'm hoping this photo reminds you of a modern day fairytale. That was kind of what I was going for. Maybe a Snow White or Sleeping Beauty (pre-needle to her finger), wandering contentedly through the forest in relative innocence before any bad-things occur.
I've always struggled to take photo's with softer windlights, but I'm exceedingly happy with this one. The only thing I did differently was take my time, so I guess I need to stop being impatient!
I'm not going to do a giant Pickle rant today, so I'll just stop here long enough to wish you a very happy Wednesday! Love and light!
Pose : FOXCITY Stairs (Standing)-1m (edited slightly in animare)
Background & Props : See below.
Hey!
Today might be a mishmash of crazy, because I've really, really been working on this post on and off all day (two days now. Shh), while being slightly distracted by other things. Mainly friends, and hot chicken wings, and the occasional netflix... today has actually been a really nice day.
For the most part, I feel like I explain myself quite well. Sometimes, however, I'm certain that my words get misconstrued and the quote "I'm responsible for what I say, not what you understand" comes to the forefront of my mind. I try to be clear and concise at all times, but even then when I am being my very plainest, there can be unanswered questions.
I feel as though if you (the collective you, not you personally), have questions, you should seek answers to them. If you feel something, you should express it. I believe in attempting to be unequivocably honest with yourself and others so that you can get to know you, and everyone around you knows where they stand.
Yet somehow, there's still room for questioning your motives, or 'people' (again, collective, not personal) can make you question yourself.
I think I might be slightly sleep deprived right now, and I'm not 100% that I'm making sense. Haha.
Ultimately, be human, be open, be honest.
xoxo
Find your pretties :
There are literally so many things here, I'm a little bit nervous to begin adding a list. Most items are Moss&Mink, and should be available either at the mainstore, or at the event listed. If you need clarification at any point, please don't hesitate to reach out either by comment here, or by IM in-world (LollipopLace Resident)
