Bag : NS:: Belty Trip Backpack @ A+ Event - Note! This backpack comes with straps and is designed to be worn on your back! I photoshopped the arms out. It also comes with a couple of super cute poses, so check it out!
So I had a rant yesterday, but you'll be pleased to know I'm feeling much better today... less bitter and whole lot refreshed and ready to provide some beautiful products from some wonderful creators.
I know I've used this pose before, but it really was perfect. As I was getting ready for this picture, my friend Apple told me "You look like a confused college student, that's there to study rather than party" so, I ran with that for a minute and grabbed some props, until Apple was ready to continue the story to it's thrilling climax.. " But you also want to save the hedgehogs, and the rally is on the same day as your final exam, and you need to pass it or you'll flunk the year, and have to redo it again, but that's just what your nemesis wants, the cool girl from the top table, she's even gone as far as getting someone to let the tires down on your car, so you have to run, hence the sneakers"
The tiger is from a Poseidon pose set, as part of a rare.
I seem to have rediscovered my love of the Black Dragon viewer today. I initially loaded it up remembering how smooth it was to cam around and thought maybe it would be a better option for vlogging, but when I adjusted my settings, I remembered how much I adored the crispness for photography, too.
I initially stopped using the viewer because it had become laggy and was cumbersome for me to move around on it, when I took a large picture, it would crash, and i'd have to relog and attempt to rez everything all over again, which had also become difficult. I suppose there's been a few updates since then, as it must have been 6 months or more ago that I stopped, but now everything runs far better, and nothing has changed on my end, except maybe driver updates!
Anywho, here's hoping that the curve of learning continues and my photography only excels!
I know, I know, I've already posted today! I just couldn't resist showing off these amazing finds for 50L friday from Miss Chelsea and Veechi, plus the super cute thigh high sneakers from Empire at this round of Uber.
The Dox sim has recently re-opened it's doors and it's an absolutely adorable Tokyo styled set up, with many nooks and crannies to explore, plus plenty of photo opportunities for the creatively inspired. Being that I'm just a semi-creative Pickle, I opted for the zebra crossing (not sure what they're called anywhere other than the UK) and the backdrop of the street almost as soon as you enter the sim!
Say hi again to Apple! She's featured once already in this blog, under the name of Kat, but because she's a happy little weirdo, she's changed her name to Apple so that we can be juicy together! Who wouldn't want a thick juicy Pickle and Apple combination?!
I know I've recently had a bit of a weep about my inability to maintain friendships, but Apple has been someone pretty darn constant for a fair few months, and she deserves a bit of a shout out.
When she first messaged me, I was kinda scared of her - I mean, she's gorgeous, right? Not only is she pretty af, but she's also absolutely freakin' hilarious. Legit! There's rarely a comment she makes where I don't LOL or OMG at her.
I think it helps that we have very similar humours, the drier and wittier the better - and she's an expert at one liners.
So, although I'm terrible at friendships, I'm also incredibly grateful for the ones that push through and remain despite my constant weirdness, the ones who hold me up when I'm feeling absolutely at my lowest and who let me obsess and rant and vent and over-talk until I'm feeling like the OGPickle. I only hope that I give you back half of what you guys give me!
For the longest time I thought that SL was all I could do. I mean, I'm not an expert at it, but I've been using it for like, 10 years, which is almost forever. Of course, this isn't my original avatar and there's been several incarnations of 'Pickle' but she's pretty much the longest serving avatar I've had, minus an old *cough* work av *cough* and my child avatar who's just always been a kid (We'll maybe step into the child world sometime, but for now, yes, I have one, no, she's not a pervert and luckily I've not encountered much of that gross crap during her 9 year existence.) I've always wanted to try other games. I've joined in with people doing things for very brief periods - WoW, LoL, Rocket League, Tera, Final Fantasy... that's just a few I've dipped my toe into.
For me, it was never about the game itself (although I do have to be able to 'invest' something into it), but more to do with the people I played with. If they had an interest, it was far easier for me to ease myself into it too. Unfortunately, I'd never met anyone with the patience to actually be like "Hey, you're doing alright.. try this!" which meant that often times I'd make a fool of myself and get told off by some non-noobalicious person in-game and feel like poop and just stop playing all together. I need the motivation of good people, basically, or at least a slight knowledge of how the thing works, through experience.
THIS IS WHERE THE SAP STARTS. Feel free to scroll where necessary lol.
I've never been one to sit and write down a bunch of feels. It's awkward, and I always wonder how genuine it makes me appear, but even with that anxious part of me going "Pickle, this is a terrible idea" another part of me wants to explain the inner workings of uh, well, me.
I've said before that having a positive person in my life has changed me immensely, and the whole playing games thing has changed with it. I can't tell you how lovely it is for someone like me, with all my foibles and weird little quirks to be able to nuzzle into someone so completely tuned in to me, some who squirrels away all the little details I vent/rant/cry/talk about and make all the things actually feel like all the things. His encouragement is a brand new kind of encouragement for me, and it's amazing and wonderful and brilliant and bright.
He's encouraged me to pick up other games, and will contentedly and patiently walk me through even when I'm having my stompy-feet-I-can't-do-it moments.
And it's not just games, either. He's in my head telling me I can do the basics too!
When I'm having a bad day, he's there to say "It's ok."
When I'm having a good day, he'll tell me "I like hearing you smile!"
It's little things, tiny gestures that have always been missing. That I've done for others and they've fallen by the wayside, and linking back to the post I did about "Learning how to love each other", I feel like I've met someone who completely links in to how to love ME. I just hope I can do the same back, because I do not want this one to go anywhere.
Ok. I'm done. Listen to the song today... it made me tear up. <3
I'm a firm believer that when you go into a relationship with a person, you go in with mostly no idea how that person 'prefers' to be loved.
I think there are 5 ways you can show a person affection.
1. Words of affirmation.
2. Quality time
3. Receiving/Giving gifts
4. Acts of service
5. Physical touch.
I actually googled the correct terminology, and this seemed as close as I was gonna get, so we're gonna nod and smile and thank the google gods at this point haha.
Anywho, I'm an anxious little monkey, and whenever I tentatively step into a new relationship, be that romantic or platonic, it takes me a few days to get comfortable with someone's head-space, and then it takes me even longer to really learn about them, and I am highly suggestive to these 5 ways of showing I care.
For me, words of affirmation are difficult. I don't tend to blow smoke up the bottoms of those I care about unless it's a special occasion or I'm feeling especially sappy. For me, while words are lovely and I adore the power of the written word especially, they are just that. Words. I do try to tell people very often how much they mean to me, but i'm not terribly good at it. It makes me more awkward than usual!
Quality time. THIS. I need this. And I need to know when I'm getting it, or when you can't be available to me. I have a massive fear of abandonment, and if you just disappear I will be quite likely to take that badly. There are always exceptions to the rule. In SL if you were to tell me "Hey, so things are going great in RL and I just don't want to be around SL anymore" I'd be fully supportive and tell you I hope I never see you again (In a good way!), but if the reason for your absence is unknown, that's when I start to feel hurt. I fully admit I'm the worst for just needing time for myself though. I might drop away from you for a while because I need the space, and never reconnect because I feel terrible for not being there when I needed to take care of me first.
For me, giving/receiving gifts is a bit odd. It really depends on who it is and what the gift is. I'm all for seeing a gacha and playing it simply because a friend will like it.. but if we're talking something big and fancy, the chances are I'll get uncomfortable again. If I love you, you will get little bits I find that remind me of you. A bloody dolly for my favourite Punk friend, that shirt I wore in a man-Pickle post for a guy friend that I know he will enjoy. I like to make my gifts in RL too, like little jewelry pieces with stones that mean something personal, or birthday cards with private jokes. Not just "Here, I don't want this. You have it." Although sometimes that's appropriate too. I'm almost always awkward when someone makes something/gives me something though! It makes me very emotional!
I feel like the 'acts of service' thing is where I struggle the most. I'm a very giving person with my time, as a natural born people pleaser I have a hard time saying "NO" when someone asks me for my time. For me, the gift of your time is the most important. I don't care if that means we sit and eat Pizza together while talking about our bad days, or if it means I'm popping over to landscape your land, lend you that chair from my inventory, or show you how to do that one thing I know how to do in photoshop. I like being a go-to, and it's taken me a while to accept that sometimes other people like to do things for me, too... I will always be fairly independent, but I am learning to take a back-seat sometimes as well.. I'm just stubborn about that!
Physical touch within SL is obviously the most difficult. In RL I'm a tactile person, but hugging is awkward! I'll probably smack you around a bit if I like you as though I was a 5 year old schoolgirl with her first crush. "Ew, you smell funny!"
In a romantic relationship I like holding hands and uh.. without sounding creepy or pervy, stroking! Haha. I will stroke your hair, your leg, your hand...Public displays of affection again make me cringe, I'm a private person, damnit!
In SL terms this translates to cuddling/dancing I suppose. I don't want to go down the obvious route of "Hey bb, lets prim!" but I guess that's a thing too. Just seeing my avatar with the person I care about is enough for me. I also really like those clingy huds, they're fun for friends & romantic partners!
Welp, I've gone on forever and didn't know when to stop again lol. That's what I like.. I'm sure many of you are very different and have other ways of showing your love & affection. I just have to keep remembering that there are many ways you can do it, and just because I show my love through giving my time eagerly, other people might need more cuddles or more verbal support. Ultimately, we all crave feeling accepted, and I can only hope we give each other the patience to find out how we can accept people's quirks while giving and receiving the things we need as humans too.
Eyelids : Slink Mesh eyelids (No longer available in store, but if you ask really nicely in a note, you MIGHT get them from slink customer service like I did on an alt *coughs*)
Skin : Glam Affair - Milu - Catwa Head Applier - Good Girl ( Polar ) (Note : The polar tone is NOT in your Maitreya hud. You need to purchase the body applier separately - but it does come with this cute freckles version, too! \o/)
