Today has been slightly insane. Not only has it legitimately taken 2 days for me to set up a bunch of eggs behind my avatar, but it's also been one of those real life 'family' moments I'd really rather forget.
I've never understood the point in silencing someone when they have something to say, unless it's derogatory to another party. I don't understand how senior citizens can believe it's okay, either.
I think I've expressed before that I have trouble just letting things go, and I'm not entirely sure why it's so troublesome for me. The smallest interactions can leave me examining every little thing I said, and even when I have the best intentions my message often ends up becoming quite mixed.
That being said, I want to make something clear.
I blog because I love it. When it comes to expressing an opinion about blogging, it is always that - my opinion. I don't think I'm any more 'right' than anyone else, nor do I believe that I am above anyone else. Blogging is 100% an art form, and when given the correct equipment for your art, you can excel beyond even your own expectations. If you're not given the equipment, it's your responsibility to find the items you'd like to blog. It's no-one's responsibility to provide you with the tools, but should you decide you'd like to apply for a blogger position, it's entirely my belief that you should grab that opportunity with both hands, remembering during the course of your blogger career with that brand how extremely lucky you are to be granted the creativity of the brand in question.
It's my belief that not only do you have a responsibility to that brand, but also to the applicants to that brand that weren't lucky enough to have access to the products you're now blogging. Suggesting that you'd like to skip over certain items because they don't fit your style is -in my opinion- insulting, because you APPLIED for that position (If you didn't apply and the creators are friends, where the fudge is your loyalty to your friends? Are you still a blogger, or are you always a friend, regardless of your photography talent? Are you taking up a blogger spot as well, or are you just lucky enough to be passed items from your friend? This makes my brain sore.). Other people applied that would wholeheartedly grasp at those products and happily, excitedly show off the amazingly talented creators we're lucky enough to see all over secondlife. If you blog, and find yourself in a position where the product no longer brings you happiness, GIVE UP YOUR SPOT for that blogger team, as there are probably a bunch of people waiting for it.
It saddens me daily that there seems to be such entitlement when it comes to blogging.
Although without a doubt I am extremely lucky, I am by no means one of the best bloggers in SL, despite my passion, despite my attempts at continuing to improve, but I don't have to be the best to enjoy every minute of what I do. I am however, blessed with some exceptionally talented people who are generous enough to grant me their items to attempt to make some pretties with, and damned if i'll sit here while bloggers belittle the beauty and generosity creators show on a regular basis.
Okay I feel better now! Have a beautiful day, Spoonies and never take anything for granted, because there is always someone wishing they had what you have.
Hands : Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara (This was so I could wear the nails from #Shook, I selected the "Slink Fit" option on the Belleza Hud, and then added the Maitreya hands. It's worth noting, there may be the occasional clothing clipping moment with this, as the belleza arms and Maitreya arms are shaped differently)
The tiger is from a Poseidon pose set, as part of a rare.
I seem to have rediscovered my love of the Black Dragon viewer today. I initially loaded it up remembering how smooth it was to cam around and thought maybe it would be a better option for vlogging, but when I adjusted my settings, I remembered how much I adored the crispness for photography, too.
I initially stopped using the viewer because it had become laggy and was cumbersome for me to move around on it, when I took a large picture, it would crash, and i'd have to relog and attempt to rez everything all over again, which had also become difficult. I suppose there's been a few updates since then, as it must have been 6 months or more ago that I stopped, but now everything runs far better, and nothing has changed on my end, except maybe driver updates!
Anywho, here's hoping that the curve of learning continues and my photography only excels!
I had a really, really vivid dream last night. It was so detailed and so much like a movie, that when I was woken up by my alarm (yes, it's Sunday, but fudge, I'm trying to be normal!), I knew how it should have ended. I knew the characters backstories. I knew how they'd gotten to the point I was at when I was disturbed.
It floored me a little, and I remember reading about Stephen King, who is meant to write about his nightmares and a part of me wondered if I should be doing the same.
This wasn't a nightmare, but there were parts that could have been horror/thriller.
I'm considering trying to take an SL Picture to encompass my dream, and maybe I'll tell you more about it in the future. In the meantime, have some pretties from Miss Chelsea, Breathe & Dappa.
Seriously though, I've been seeing a butt-ton of nonsense on facebook lately, which just seems to be pulling people apart, and I was wondering - is that a direct result of social media?
Without the social media thingies, our opinions would be confined to those people in our lives that actually had some semblance of importance there. Now, your next door neighbours best friends cousin can be on your social media account because you waved at her once and when she sent you a friends request you didn't want to decline in case you offended your neighbour.
This whole social media thing is an absolute minefield. You don't share enough and you have the potential to be forgotten (especially if you're a blogger/creator within the SL world), and if you use it too much you're liable to say something eventually that has the potential to piss off an entire clique, thus spinning your 'reputation' into turmoil and potentially causing you to fall off the SL grid.
I really believe that while opinions aren't -usually- harmful, the way other people respond to said opinions can be. Not everyone needs to know your feelings. Not everyone needs to agree with you, and the truth is that if they do, you're probably surrounded by a bunch of 'yes men' that will likely shit talk you behind your back anyway, so sure, give us your opinions via social media, but don't get butthurt or defensive when your opinion isn't shared by all of your followers, and remember just as you seek respect for your opinion, others will be expecting the same for theirs, regardless of the content differing.
I green screened this in a bit of a basic manner, but yay for different things!
I know! two posts in one day? What's going on!
Please don't get used to this. I'm just well rested and currently in advance of my projects, which is awesomeeee and another sign that I'm heading in the right direction!
Today I want to give an absolutely massive shout out to Narcisse. There's no doubt that there has been a massive leap forwards in quality in a fairly short span of time; I find the designs to be inspired yet original, and the textures always blow me away due to the use of materials (Materials are what makes the fabric look kinda shiny, and the shine will move with your camera angle, depending on your windlight. On the dress above, you can also see that certain points of the fabric look raised, and that too is down to the materials.).
Narcisse is in my opinion a brand to watch and I'm super excited to be able to showcase her fabulous products along her journey.
xoxo
I netflix a LOT. Since it came out, I've been watching a show called "Crazy Ex Girlfriend", which pretty much summarizes how I see myself. The main character is a chick called Rebecca, and for the first two or three seasons of the show, she was just absolutely bonkers and although I've never plotted to kill someones parents or moved across country for a guy I knew when I was 12, I have definitely made some irrational decisions and for that reason, I feel a sort of kinship with her.
The program is utterly ridiculous, and I'm completely aware of how ridiculous it is, which only makes me love it even more! Last season, Rebecca was diagnosed with having a personality disorder similar to mine. All the symptoms and even some fixes were mentioned, and it happened at a time that my self awareness hit it's peak. Now we're following her hit her stride and really take care of her mental health. Today's episode had me in my feels. For the entire duration of the show she's fallen for inappropriate guys who made her even more insane than she already was - not because they're terrible people, but because they were somehow broken too and their broken didn't gel together well. This episode, she almost kissed one of her male friends, but stopped... realizing it wouldn't end positively. I absolutely fucking bawled, not even gonna lie.
It's difficult to explain, but the growth in her character resonated so strongly with me, that I just wanted to reach out and hug her, and tell her how completely proud of her I was, and I think that's partially because I really do see a lot of myself in her, and deep down I'm proud of me, too.
I know, I know... Pickle, you're a freakin' weirdo!
Still, today is a good day to reflect, and to see how far I've come - even if there's still a long way ahead of me.
I have a busy day today! I'm quite excited, actually.
Back in around May, I shaved my head. It was something I had considered for about 6 months.Thankfully, it wasn't because I have suffered any kind of physical sickness, but more because my waist length hair had been left uncared for, and the only way I could think of to make everything better and actually begin some kind of self care routine in terms of my hair was to start over. It was around a number 5 when I shaved it, so no, not all the way down to the scalp but pretty darn close!
I have never had hair shorter than my shoulders before, and my hair had definitely become a way for me to hide. I would pull it forward and use it almost like a curtain. If I can't see you, you can't see me... kind of like how I imagine Peek-a-boo works with babies!
Shaving my head was incredibly scary, but also strangely liberating. If you haven't already watched "Nappily ever after" on Netflix, I thoroughly recommend you do, whether you have afro-style hair or otherwise, her journey is inspiring.
Anywho, today my hair has gotten long enough for me to actually get it cut into some kind of style.
I'm hoping for a Pixie-like cut, kind of like Emma Watson from "The perks of being a wallflower", but I'm not a Hollywood actress, nor am I in my early 20's, so we'll have to see exactly how that works out!
The location for today's shoot is a mystery, and will be revealed upon it's completion. I know, you can barely see a barred window, but who doesn't love a little mystery in their life??
Pose : [La Baguette] (Not sure which... it's in my AO!)
Once again, Go&See has produced a stunning new skin. This one will be available today at Shiny Shabby and it's named "Heidi".
There are nine (9) tones available, and here's a preview! :
Between "witchy" and "tan" is the "pale" tone, and you can find a preview of that below with the facial options.
So we all know Pickle can be a bit of a derp sometimes, and today is no exception. I forgot to whack my graphics up for these pictures, so they've all been taken on medium graphics, on CAIWL windlight... but I'm sure you can agree, despite my massive oopsie the skin shows beautifully.
My whole little mental health journey is taking some interesting turns.
It's become apparent to me that there are far more negative energies in me that I was aware of. I mean, I know I'm not perfect - show me someone who is, but recently I have really begun to notice some disturbing patterns. It's not malicious, but sometimes I am hurting so much because of some ridiculous ideals I have in my head, I end up purposefully causing pain to someone else. Misery loves company, right?
Let me explain a little more.
I am not delusional enough to think that I am always right, but part of me is delusional enough to think that I am always right. That means there's a constant struggle in me, the knowing deep down that 1. I cannot control other people and their reactions to my actions and/or words, and 2. sometimes, I'm the toxic one.
Naturally, that fills me with absolute fear, because I don't WANT to be toxic, ever.
Ultimately, now I have recognized these disturbing bad habits, my goal is to change the way I approach those situations. I'm pretty old now, so undoing that amount of "oops no" is gonna be pretty tough, but it's baby steps! As with everything I am discovering about myself and the world around me, I am going to be taking three steps forwards.. before freewheeling two steps back and then starting again.
I'm grateful for those who see the good in me, regardless of my ew, and have been reminded regularly of the quote;
So, I've been trying a couple of new things with my photography lately, and I decided to take the plunge and invest in the LumiPro device that is available in world.
I gotta be honest, I don't really know what the fudge I'm doing it with it yet, and I'm okay with that. So far I've only watched one tutorial, so that's probably a big factor as to why I'm currently incapable of using it! However, this photo and the portrait from yesterday have filled my heart with happy, and I feel like I might be getting to grips with it, at least in regards to how I want my pictures to look, even if I'm not using it in the 'correct' way.
I'll be sure to keep you updated as to how my experiments with the LumiPro move on, and in the meantime you should definitely check out some awesome stuffs from The Fantasy Gacha Carnival!
I've been watching youtube for a while this morning, and specifically, Gabby Hanna. She's kind of well known for dealing with drama in her personal life, she's pretty blatant and I feel an odd sort of kinship with her, because it really does seem as though she's a little further in her personal self-betterment journey. Anyway, she mentioned something in one of her videos that really struck home with me, and she said :
"Find a way to be grateful for your pain"
At the time, she was discussing her 'art', and was just commenting on how she felt like she'd been through a lot, but was glad for those experiences because it had helped her develop creatively, and had become a source of inspiration to her too.
It's not the first time I've heard stories about that, and it's also well known that artists such as Van Gogh, and more recently Robin Williams and various musical influencers used their mental health issues to create masterpieces too, and while many of these beautifully creative people suffered immensely, and oftentimes have passed before their time, the remnants of them are left in their art - and I think that is an amazing legacy.
I know that mental health is probably something I reference a lot in my rantings, but I can't help but feel like it does need to be spoken about more. It needs to become more widely accepted that we are ALL on a spectrum, and just because you feel like you can't relate right now, it doesn't mean that you won't need help at some point later in life.
Your mind is a fragile thing, and I am discovering more every day that it is incredibly important to treat yourself with respect. You can be the sweetest, kindest person in the entire world - but if you're not capable of treating yourself with the same hand you treat everyone else, you're only going to exhaust yourself.
Think positively today, peeps. After all, if nothing else it's nearly the weekend!
