Emptying my lungs.

Pose & Bench : Ana Poses - Isfahan @ TMD

Location : My homestead (kinda public, kinda not.. be nice!)

So yesterdays adventure into the real world was absolutely freakin' exhausting.

I've started getting really, really anxious before something happens that means I have to leave the house, and although I DID manage to go to my parents special Anniversary dinner, it was nothing short of a miracle, 

At around 5am Sunday morning, having not yet slept and knowing I'd be leaving the house at around 10am, I found myself in my kitchen having a bit of a melt-down. I wish I could explain all the thoughts in my head, but anyone who has a tendency to overthink and/or suffers with anxiety will be able to tell you it'll start with something very simple, and end up with your chest heaving while you're clinging on to the kitchen cabinets for dear life while the kettle boils somewhere in the far off distance.

I did consider saying I couldn't make it. Just for a minute, of course... but I knew if I said no this time, it might be a really long time before I said yes again, and I can't have that. I have to do these ridiculously basic things with the people I love, not just for them, but for me.

The advantage of my managing to drag my half-undead body from my flat to the restaurant was that I ate a bloody amazing meal, and my dad got inebriated while my brother, who was driving, sulked playfully at being sober over his rather yummy looking steak.

All in all, it was totally worth the anxiety and I'm glad I didn't miss another family milestone.

xoxo

All of the things : 

Body: [SIGNATURE] Gianni - Mesh Body

Skin : [theSkinnery] Luca (Catwa Applier) 

Body Skin : Clef de Peau.

Head :  CATWA HEAD Stanley

Eyes : HERMONY / EYES OF THE BEHOLDER 

Glasses :  MIRROR - Lamour Glasses @ TMD

Ears : L'Etre - Basic mesh ears 

UNISEX [MANDALA]STRETCHED_Ears_Season2 HUMAN

Hairbase : Stealthic Male Hairbase

Hair : Modulus - Miles Hair @ TMD

Tattoo : *Bolson / Tattoo Cronopios Collection - Knoxx 

Jacket & Shirt : BlankLine Jacket @ TMD

Jeans : GUTCHI - Bandana Denim Premium @ TMD

Sneakers : [ VERSOV ] SHARKOV_SNEAKERS @ TMD

Just a hit.

Pose : Ana Poses  - Valencian 3@ TMD

Photo taken at my (potentially forever) unfinished home.

I've been reflecting a lot today, and I just wanna put it out there that I can be an asshole.

By asshole, I mean sometimes I just cannot keep my mouth shut.

For me to make sense of things, I need to vent.. and sometimes my choice of who I vent to can be somewhat uh.. fucked up. 

See, I kind of have this habit of blurting, whether I've just met someone or I've known them for a while, I often scoop myself all the way up onto my high horse and preach to the hilltops about my personal opinions. While I'm much more confident in my opinions lately, that doesn't mean that everyone needs to know them, nor does it mean they care. I need to remember this.

I do have a habit of talking shit, too. Nothing that I can relate to 'gossip' as such, it's more like I'm really trying to work out WHY something happened, why I feel the way I do about a situation, what -I- could have done differently and why someone else reacted the way they did.

If I "talk shit" there's a 90% chance that I have already told the person I'm talking shit about how I feel, but again - that's not really anyone else's business. and it's certainly not my job to point out the flaws of others when I am so un-perfect myself.

I was considering the idea of new years resolutions today, and I think I've decided what mine is. I don't often make resolutions, because I feel like for the most part they are unrealistic, but for 2019, I want to do better at dealing with a situation and moving on. For my own sanity, I need to let things go, confide more in people that genuinely care and aren't just floaters in my life, and I definitely need to mind my own fucking business.

I really want to project positivity, and if I'm concentrated so firmly on other people and how negative they are (to ME), I will never achieve the serenity inside myself that I'm aiming for.

Happy Monday!

xoxo

All of the things : 

Body: [SIGNATURE] Gianni - Mesh Body

Skin : [theSkinnery] Luca (Catwa Applier) @ TMD

Body Skin : Clef de Peau.@ TMD

Head :  CATWA HEAD Stanley

Eyes : HERMONY / EYES OF THE BEHOLDER 

Glasses : MIRROR - Miguel Glasses @ TMD

Ears : L'Etre - Basic mesh ears 

UNISEX [MANDALA]STRETCHED_Ears_Season2 HUMAN

Hairbase : Stealthic Male Hairbase

Hair : Dura-U89  @ TMD 

Tattoo : *Bolson / Tattoo Cronopios Collection - Knoxx @ TMD

Necklaces : [MANDALA]YOLO-Jewelry-set

Coat : Hotdog - Morbid manteaux . @ TMD

Pants : {COLD-ASH} Mens GRAYSON Roll Up Trousers @ TMD

Shoes : [ VERSOV ] MOUNTOV_BOOTS_ @ TMD

Whenever.

Pose (main) : Ana Poses - Beirut 2 @ TMD

Pose (right) : Ana Poses - Beirut 1 @ TMD

Background : WR - Waiting for something

Welcome to another edition of Man-Pickle Monday!

Today I'm joined by a mystery guest, because he's shy... and the only thing I know he's wearing is the pants, from legal insanity @ Fameshed, so uh, go there if you like them!

In this picture, we're in a waiting room. I'm not really sure what kind of waiting room it is, but we'll pretend it's for something innocuous like... dentistry *nods*.

I'm sure it's not for anything serious, as Man-Pickle has perfect, sparkling teeth akin to a Hollywood movie star. *shrugs*

Anywho, there's details below so check them out!

xoxo

Here's a natural light picture of the skin by Clef de Peau, and the face shape from Cataclasm available at TMD.

All of the things : 

Body: [SIGNATURE] Gianni - Mesh Body

Skin : Clef de Peau.Sean Skin @ TMD

Shape : Cataclasm - Shape 009 @ TMD

Head :  CATWA HEAD Daniel

Eyes : -SU!- Ophelia Eyes Fatpack /ULTRARARE/ (Gacha)

Ears : L'Etre - Basic mesh ears 

Hairbase : Stealthic - Male Hairbase

Hair : Modulus - Nial Hair @ TMD

Glasses : MIRROR - Panther Glasses @ TMD

Earrings : MINIMAL - Marcellus Earrings @ TMD

Jacket & Shirt : COMPLEX / "MIX" JACKET @ TMD

Rings & Claws : L'Emporio::*Damned Claws & Rings*

Jeans : BlankLine StandardJeans

Shoes : Bleich - Warning @ TMD

Truth in my lies.

Pose : Foxcity. Mens Play ball 1m (over-ridden by the pipe pose)

Location : Seychelles (Private)

Hi!

Happy Man-Pickle Monday!

I'm not gonna write a bunch of nonsense today, because honestly, my brain is up my backside, and much as it can be amusing to witness my attempts to pull my own head out of my ass, I'd like to be able to do it privately.. maybe with the help of a couple of reliable friends :P

Have a wonderful day, and make sure you check out the awesome items on offer at this month's TMD!

xoxo

All of the things : 

Body: [SIGNATURE] Gianni - Mesh Body

Skin :  Clef de Peau.Oscar 

Head :  CATWA HEAD Stanley 

Eyes : -SU!- Ophelia Eyes Fatpack /ULTRARARE/ (Gacha)

Beard : YUTH: Brock Beard 

Ears : L'Etre - Basic mesh ears 

Glasses : MIRROR - Oakley Glasses @ TMD

Hair : Modulus - Zander Hair @ TMD

Tattoo : DAPPA - Leon Tattoo. @ TMD

Pipe : [ kunst ] - Hipster pipes @ TMD

Jeans : .: TORI TORRICELLI :. Tribeca Jeans @ TMD

I could have done better.

Pose : FOXCITY. Mens - Night Owl-6m (Fatpack Exclusive)

Location : Backdrop Cove Tropical Beach 

Today I've been thinking about the quote "We accept the love we think we deserve" and what that means to me.

For a long time, I don't think I equated "me" with "worthy of love", so every time I found something that seemed to present itself as affection, I gripped it with both hands and attempted to cling on, even when it wasn't right. That, or when it was "too good to be true" I felt like I was undeserving, and found excuses to run away from it, or put obstacles in the way - because why would anything be 'right'?

Another saying that goes along side this was phrased best (in my opinion) by RuPaul. "If you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?" and this has been a bone of contention for me. I'm not saying I'm in love with me, I'm not. I have a long way to go before I think that can happen... but I definitely like myself a lot more than I have for a long while. Before, I thought that this saying was bullshit. I thought that despite me not loving me, or giving myself the attention I need, I was beyond capable of showing love. I wasn't, and I wonder if even now, I'm capable.

I do see a difference, already. In being kinder to myself, it's becoming easier to calm me when I get upset. I'm learning to listen to my gut far more than I have in the past, and if something feels bad I am able to quit out - often before I've worked out why it's bad. It's also easier for me to forgive and understand others. None of us are born perfect, and sometimes we make mistakes. 

I never seem to be able to write exactly what I want to say, or how I want to say it, but my message here remains the same as it always is, be kind to each other - but even more importantly, be kind to yourself.

xoxo

All of the things : 

Body: [SIGNATURE] Gianni - Mesh Body

Skin :  Clef de Peau.Oscar @ TMD

Head :  CATWA HEAD Stanley 

Eyes : -SU!- Ophelia Eyes Fatpack /ULTRARARE/ (Gacha)

Glasses : MIRROR - Carbon Glasses @ TMD

Ears : AITUI - Snake Charmer Ears @ TMD

Hair : Dura-B86 @ TMD

Tattoo : DAPPA - Benson Tattoo @ Output Event

Pants : Lenox - Journey Sweats @ TMD

Sneakers : [ VERSOV ] BALLOV_SNEAKERS @ TMD

Take a look.

Pose : <K&S> Bloom Male Pose 4

Background : FOXCITY. Photo Booth - Rose Bathroom @ Backdrop City

I had an entirely different idea for this outfit, I figured "Oh hey, it'd be really ironic to put this hair on, with those naughty pants, and do 'sexy lumberjack'", but the truth is, Man-Pickle just looks far too good to be ironic right now. Instead I'm doing "I'm at my girlfriends apartment, having a quick pee and a last look in the mirror before I go into the bedroom and seduce her". -shrugs-

I chose a Michael Jackson song for this picture. Mainly because the title is "Man in the Mirror." I was apparently 8 years old (shh, I'm getting on a bit), when he performed this at the Grammys in the video shown below. I admit, although I've always enjoyed MJ's music, I've never really watched his older videos. I guess they're all older now, because he's passed and I'm OLD. However, this particular song has always been one of my favourites.

When I was a child I had a keyboard. It taught you how to play popular songs at the time with a little red light on the keys. The light lit up when you were supposed to press down, and the only thing you had to do was to remember the rhythm. This was the only song I knew at the time, and I soon learned how to play the basics on the keyboard by religiously (and probably rather annoyingly for my parents) repeating it. It wasn't until I was older that I actually understood the lyrics, and not even then did I comprehend the massive impact MJ must have been having at the time by bringing world issues to the forefront of people's minds.

I guess we'll never really know the struggles this amazing artist went through, or the truth to the controversial issues we've been privy to, but I can't deny that even now, 30 years on (groans inwardly, 30 years!!), Man in the Mirror still makes my skin break out into goosebumps, and that's a pretty amazing feat.

xoxo

All of the things : 

Body, Hands & Feet : [SIGNATURE] Gianni - Mesh Body (Recently updated, should be automatically delivered!) 

Skin : STRAY DOG -  TREY @ TMD 

Head :  CATWA HEAD Stanley 

Eyes :  [JOE SL] CAULIFLOWER MESH EYES

Ears : ^^Swallow^^ Dragon Ears @ Kustom9

Hair : MIRROR - Axel Hair @ TMD 

Tattoo :DAPPA - Lost Boys Tattoo

Watch : [Z O O M] Classic Johnson Watch @ TMD 

Pants : RIOT /  Triton Shorts @ TMD