Emptying my lungs.

Pose & Bench : Ana Poses - Isfahan @ TMD

Location : My homestead (kinda public, kinda not.. be nice!)

So yesterdays adventure into the real world was absolutely freakin' exhausting.

I've started getting really, really anxious before something happens that means I have to leave the house, and although I DID manage to go to my parents special Anniversary dinner, it was nothing short of a miracle, 

At around 5am Sunday morning, having not yet slept and knowing I'd be leaving the house at around 10am, I found myself in my kitchen having a bit of a melt-down. I wish I could explain all the thoughts in my head, but anyone who has a tendency to overthink and/or suffers with anxiety will be able to tell you it'll start with something very simple, and end up with your chest heaving while you're clinging on to the kitchen cabinets for dear life while the kettle boils somewhere in the far off distance.

I did consider saying I couldn't make it. Just for a minute, of course... but I knew if I said no this time, it might be a really long time before I said yes again, and I can't have that. I have to do these ridiculously basic things with the people I love, not just for them, but for me.

The advantage of my managing to drag my half-undead body from my flat to the restaurant was that I ate a bloody amazing meal, and my dad got inebriated while my brother, who was driving, sulked playfully at being sober over his rather yummy looking steak.

All in all, it was totally worth the anxiety and I'm glad I didn't miss another family milestone.

xoxo

All of the things : 

Body: [SIGNATURE] Gianni - Mesh Body

Skin : [theSkinnery] Luca (Catwa Applier) 

Body Skin : Clef de Peau.

Head :  CATWA HEAD Stanley

Eyes : HERMONY / EYES OF THE BEHOLDER 

Glasses :  MIRROR - Lamour Glasses @ TMD

Ears : L'Etre - Basic mesh ears 

UNISEX [MANDALA]STRETCHED_Ears_Season2 HUMAN

Hairbase : Stealthic Male Hairbase

Hair : Modulus - Miles Hair @ TMD

Tattoo : *Bolson / Tattoo Cronopios Collection - Knoxx 

Jacket & Shirt : BlankLine Jacket @ TMD

Jeans : GUTCHI - Bandana Denim Premium @ TMD

Sneakers : [ VERSOV ] SHARKOV_SNEAKERS @ TMD

Where my home is.

Pose : Tifa Poses : it's beginning to look alot like christmas 

Decor : hive // christmas tree farm

Mesh peoples : YO_V.boy-004

YO_V.Winter_People

YO_People Talking

HPMD* Dirt Road - snowy

Various Pine Trees from : .:Bee Designs:.  

tarte. @ N21

3DTrees

--ANHELO-T04RD-17CGA :: christmas 2017 (red)

I've had this idea in my head for so ages, but finding a pose was exceptionally difficult... and then when i found the pose, the tree that came with it was all sorts of weird, and i had to resize a massive landscaping tree and OMG all the random oddness. Haha.

Anywho, Durex is back... HURRAY!! I gotta admit I really love how he looks in this! I have no idea why he's shirtless in the cold - some people are just bonkers, and as he's technically me I feel like this goes without saying. 

I've used some mesh peoples in this picture, and the inspiration behind that comes from someone who's pictures I often admire from afar. Geena Carminucci can be found on flickr and on her blog. I thoroughly believe in giving credit where it's due, and if you don't know this amazingly talented lady's work, where the fuck have you been and what are you doing with your life?

I loveeee my facebook at the moment. So much absolute positivity, amazingly talented people sharing their artwork and general a feeling of love and community, and even though I'll always be a bit of a weird loner, I will ALWAYS long for more of these feels. 

Merry Christmas, ya filthy Spoonies (make this a thing, love it, pls).

xoxo

All of the things, Pickle : 

Body : Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara

Head : GENUS Project (babyface)

Skin & Eyelashes : [okkbye] bunnie tone001 

Blush : TS Omega Cold Days Heart Blush Applier @ The Arcade

Blush 2 : Avoixs - Winter Blushes @ B U S A N

Hair & Hat : #Foxy - Teddy. @ Kustom9 

Jacket : Native - Drift Jacket @ TMD

Pants : Native - Groove Pants All Colors

Sneakers : FLITE. Retro Gliders V2 

All of the things, Durex : 

Body: [SIGNATURE] Gianni - Mesh Body

Skin : Not Found - Robert Skin 

Head :  CATWA HEAD Skell

Cap : 10_BlankLine Killer Gacha [Cap] white @ TMD

Ears : [MANDALA]STRETCHED_Ears_Season2 HUMAN

Nails in ear : [CX] Heavily Nailed (Group Gift)

Beard & Scar : IDTTY Faces - Sharp Beard [CUT]

Tattoo : DAPPA -  Shiryo V2 Tattoo. @ Limit8

Jacket : 05_BlankLine Killer Gacha [Hoodie] black @ TMD

Sweatpants : CHUCK'S RENAN PANTS @ TMD

Sneakers : [ VERSOV ] MOUNTOV_BOOTS_@ TMD

Holler!

Pose : *!R.O!* Dayum BENTO Friend Pose

Background : BellePoses - Backdrop Fire Escape

Mal is wearing Sleepy Eddy_Hoodie&Cardigan @ TMD

Today I was reminded about a thing that happened back when I started SL over 10 years ago.

Back in the day, you were warned consistently about the dangers of the internet. "You might be talking to an axe murderer, a pedophile, a rapist." it was scary to me to log in and speak to people who might be absolutely terrible. I was also in the middle of a big ol' break up, 500 miles away from home with a small child and no way to get back. I didn't like myself very much and because of that, when I joined SL, I gave out pictures of a person that was not me.

Over time, it became harder and harder to tell fibs to people I cared about. because you really don't expect to start feeling real feels for people on a game when you first start using it, do you? You don't understand that these people you meet aren't imaginary, they're real... with real lives that they might share with you, while you're sat there telling a porkie pie to them. You get to know them, and all the while you have this big black cloud hanging over you,  "What if they work out I'm not me?".

I'm incredibly lucky. Of course, when I came clean there were a few people who dragged me, and rightly so - however, they didn't actually know me, and I had always felt a little off around them. 

The people I DID care about (and some that I had no idea even knew who I was), were incredibly supportive, and now I realize that my outer shell is what it is, and I can't change that - but my inner shell... that's the important part, and if I can find people who love me for my insides, those are the friendships and relationships I need to nurture.

To anyone going through something similar, keep your head up and be proud of who you really are. You are not your body. You are a combination of every experience, every feeling you have and every feeling you have allowed others to feel.. you're a beautiful, interesting, original and unique soul. No one is you (even if they claim to be by using your pictures!), and try to remember that everyone is going through something, and while being a catfish isn't right, there are often underlying issues that need addressing and as with most situations, it should be bought up and talked about with mindfulness & kindness.

xoxo

Here's a slightly better picture of the Birth skin still available at TMD for a little while. Hurry up, before this round closes! 

All of the things : 

Body: [SIGNATURE] Gianni - Mesh Body

Skin : *Birth* 'Benjamin' Catwa @ TMD

Head :  CATWA HEAD Daniel

Eyes : -SU!- Ophelia Eyes Fatpack /ULTRARARE/ (Gacha)

Ears : L'Etre - Basic mesh ears 

Beard : [MF] Daniel Bento Faded Hipster Stache & Beard @ TMD

Hair : Modulus - Nial Hair @ TMD

Tattoo : { Speakeasy } Bloodthirsty Tattoo @ TMD

Jacket : BlankLine Shirts+High-necked  @ TMD

Pants : RIOT / Bronn Chino Jeans @ TMD

Where you at?

Pose : AP - Wellington 4 @ TMD

Location : Netherwood

I didn't even realize today was Monday, that's how completely lost I am right now lol.

I have two girl-posts ready to blog, but when I came-to and figured out it was time for Man-Pickle I admit, I had a bit of a freak-out. I mean, I'm not prepared! Where has my weekend gone? What the fudge did I do? WHY WAS THERE NO ALCOHOL INVOLVED?!

Anyway, turns out that this look was actually fairly easy to put together with thanks to items from TMD. I know, I know, I say this every single week, but really... it's all you need. That and a little patience when it comes to things like editing your shit. Seriously guys, don't just put a necklace on. Put a necklace on and make it fit around your neck and above your clothes. It might be a little extra effort, but that five or ten minutes (or thirty for some of you), is really going to make the difference on your avatar!

I'm kind of in love with Man-Pickle right now. I've always liked guys with long hair, and dreadlocks have appealed to me forever. I also adore this skin from Modulus, along with the combination of the eyebrows and beard from Unorthodox, all available at TMD this round.

For those not in the know, TMD opens on the 5th of every month, and runs for the duration. That means there's maybe just over a week left for you to get shopping for this round. Next round I believe is a Birthday round, so I'm super excited to see what happens and the offerings for the man-av SL community!

xoxo

All of the things : 

Body, Hands & Feet : [SIGNATURE] Gianni - Mesh Body 

Skin : Modulus - McKinley Skin @ TMD

Head :  CATWA HEAD Stanley 

Brows & Beard : Unorthodox Cali Brow & Beard @ TMD

Eyes :  LOTUS. Cosmic Eyes 18 (Catwa) MYSTERY RARE (Gacha)

Ears : [MANDALA]STRETCHED_Ears_Season2 HUMAN

Hairbase : Stealthic - Male Hairbase
Hair : booN MWO577 hair 

Necklace : [VEX] The Leaf 14inch @ TMD

Outfit : BlankLine LayerSweatShirts/Jeans @ TMD

Rings : MINIMAL - Chevaliere Rings @ TMD

Counting to fifty.

Pose : <K&S ~Leonard~ Pose 1 1

Location : Consent (Adult)

Man-Pickle Monday has become one of my favourite days of the week.

It's a chance for me to throw myself into the deep end and attempt something completely different. Many times I've bought an item and thought "That'd look amazing on a guy!" or "This says it's for men, but let me just throw it on my girl av anyway."

When dressing a girl, it's fairly easy. Our choices are far less limited than the males of SL, and that's kind of how Man-Pickle was born.

He's been a semi-regular on this blog for a while now, and he's even featured in some friends pictures & blog posts. The only thing that is mildly irksome is that I can't be both Man-Pickle and Girl-Pickle at the same time, so there's no pictures of us together as yet! I think I'll work on that, maybe in the future I'll be talented enough to make it happen!

I'm never sure if I've made him look "Manly" enough. I mean, sure, he's obviously a dude, but for a long time I struggled with his facial features... particularly the eyes. They just never looked like man-eyes and always had an air of femininity. This skin, however.. let me just say I would!!

A few of these items are at TMD (The Men's Dept), and that's closing within the next few days, so make sure you hurry and grab the goodies!

All of the things :

Body & Hands : [SIGNATURE] Gianni - Mesh Body (updated to 4.4 sent automatically)

Head Skin : [theSkinnery] Ralph (Catwa Applier) @ The Mens Dept.

Body Skin : Clef de Peau.Body 

Head :  CATWA HEAD Stanley 

Eyes :  -SU!-Delora Eyes Fatpack /ULTRARARE/ (Gacha)

Ears : [theSkinnery]  Human Ears 

Piercings :  -SU!- Piercing Set 05 

Beard : Beusame // Beard V29 

Hair base : Stealthic - Male Hairbase 

Hair : Stealthic- Hunter

Necklace : [VEX] 24inch Herringbone Necklace @ The Mens Dept.

Tattoo : DAPPA - Da Vinci Tattoo.

Shirt : DAPPA  - TDC - Trip. @ Men Only Monthly (Note: Check out the other designs available!)

Bracelet : Kenvie - Lion Bracelet @ The Mens Dept.

Pants : BlankLine TightColorPants @ The Mens Dept.

Sneakers : [VALE KOER] HEATUP SNEAKERS 

Close up! ♥

Blow us all away.

Pose : RKPoses_Finn_2

Background : anxiety %83

All of the things :

Body : [SIGNATURE] Gianni - Mesh Body

Skin : Stray Dog -ARTHUR

Head :  CATWA HEAD Daniel

Eyes : CATWA Mesh Eyes 

Eye Applier :  :Conviction: Albino Eyes

Eyebrow & Scar : VYC - Slash  (Previously @ Men Only Hunt 9)

Beard Applier : Unorthodox Superb Facial Hair

Beard Hair : Unorthodox Blitz Facial Hair

Mask/Face Straps : Messiah x .Shi : Qavah Face Harness 

Ears : : ^^Swallow^^ Drop Ears @ Shiny Shabby

Hairbase : Stealthic - Male Hairbase

Hair : Stealthic - Haunting @ Men Only Month

Scarf/Cuffs/Bandage : TABOU. Wrap my Body Set 

Tattoo : *U-Design* Tree of Life @ Bodyfy

Shirt : ::GB::Strap open shirt @ The Mens Dept.

Pants : BlankLine Ripped pants @ The Mens Dept.

Shoes : -NU- Patagonia Sneakers Night @ Men Only Month

High like me.

 

 Pose : {pose maniacs} 6Men - 8

 Props : Urban Jungle Store & Apartment

Soy. Velvet Daybed with lamp

Mesh figures - RAYA

All of the things :

Body & Hands : [SIGNATURE] Gianni - Mesh Body 

Skin & Facial Hair : ..::SAMURAI HQ::.. Cesar Basic Tones

Eyes : Clemmm - Unwanted Fog,  .ID. Gentle Eyes / Gift Set @ The Mens Dept.
Lashes : FATElashes v2.0
Ears : [MANDALA]STEKING_EARS_Season 5
Face Tattoos : Izzie's - Hangover Face Tattoos, Corvus : Eye Scar, Clemmm - Tired Glitter Lips / Burnt Red, [theSkinnery] Freckles!

Septum : [whatever] Septum

Teeth : [ PXL ] OpenMouthPRO Basic Pack

Hair & Hairbase : YUTH: Jayce Hair @ GEN-Neutral (Open 12th at noon) 

Tattoo : AITUI TATTOO - Crown the Crow @ The Mens Dept.

Necklace :  [MANDALA]YOLO-Jewelry-set

Hoody : BlankLine Zip-up hoodie @ The Mens Dept.

Bag & Paraphernalia : ![ NikotiN ] Cocaine Bag & Knife

Pants : AMERIE M - Denim Pants @ The Mens Dept. 

Shoes : [VALE KOER] THE VASIFORMS GROUP GIFT