Emptying my lungs.

Pose & Bench : Ana Poses - Isfahan @ TMD

Location : My homestead (kinda public, kinda not.. be nice!)

So yesterdays adventure into the real world was absolutely freakin' exhausting.

I've started getting really, really anxious before something happens that means I have to leave the house, and although I DID manage to go to my parents special Anniversary dinner, it was nothing short of a miracle, 

At around 5am Sunday morning, having not yet slept and knowing I'd be leaving the house at around 10am, I found myself in my kitchen having a bit of a melt-down. I wish I could explain all the thoughts in my head, but anyone who has a tendency to overthink and/or suffers with anxiety will be able to tell you it'll start with something very simple, and end up with your chest heaving while you're clinging on to the kitchen cabinets for dear life while the kettle boils somewhere in the far off distance.

I did consider saying I couldn't make it. Just for a minute, of course... but I knew if I said no this time, it might be a really long time before I said yes again, and I can't have that. I have to do these ridiculously basic things with the people I love, not just for them, but for me.

The advantage of my managing to drag my half-undead body from my flat to the restaurant was that I ate a bloody amazing meal, and my dad got inebriated while my brother, who was driving, sulked playfully at being sober over his rather yummy looking steak.

All in all, it was totally worth the anxiety and I'm glad I didn't miss another family milestone.

xoxo

All of the things : 

Body: [SIGNATURE] Gianni - Mesh Body

Skin : [theSkinnery] Luca (Catwa Applier) 

Body Skin : Clef de Peau.

Head :  CATWA HEAD Stanley

Eyes : HERMONY / EYES OF THE BEHOLDER 

Glasses :  MIRROR - Lamour Glasses @ TMD

Ears : L'Etre - Basic mesh ears 

UNISEX [MANDALA]STRETCHED_Ears_Season2 HUMAN

Hairbase : Stealthic Male Hairbase

Hair : Modulus - Miles Hair @ TMD

Tattoo : *Bolson / Tattoo Cronopios Collection - Knoxx 

Jacket & Shirt : BlankLine Jacket @ TMD

Jeans : GUTCHI - Bandana Denim Premium @ TMD

Sneakers : [ VERSOV ] SHARKOV_SNEAKERS @ TMD

Where my home is.

Pose : Tifa Poses : it's beginning to look alot like christmas 

Decor : hive // christmas tree farm

Mesh peoples : YO_V.boy-004

YO_V.Winter_People

YO_People Talking

HPMD* Dirt Road - snowy

Various Pine Trees from : .:Bee Designs:.  

tarte. @ N21

3DTrees

--ANHELO-T04RD-17CGA :: christmas 2017 (red)

I've had this idea in my head for so ages, but finding a pose was exceptionally difficult... and then when i found the pose, the tree that came with it was all sorts of weird, and i had to resize a massive landscaping tree and OMG all the random oddness. Haha.

Anywho, Durex is back... HURRAY!! I gotta admit I really love how he looks in this! I have no idea why he's shirtless in the cold - some people are just bonkers, and as he's technically me I feel like this goes without saying. 

I've used some mesh peoples in this picture, and the inspiration behind that comes from someone who's pictures I often admire from afar. Geena Carminucci can be found on flickr and on her blog. I thoroughly believe in giving credit where it's due, and if you don't know this amazingly talented lady's work, where the fuck have you been and what are you doing with your life?

I loveeee my facebook at the moment. So much absolute positivity, amazingly talented people sharing their artwork and general a feeling of love and community, and even though I'll always be a bit of a weird loner, I will ALWAYS long for more of these feels. 

Merry Christmas, ya filthy Spoonies (make this a thing, love it, pls).

xoxo

All of the things, Pickle : 

Body : Maitreya Mesh Body - Lara

Head : GENUS Project (babyface)

Skin & Eyelashes : [okkbye] bunnie tone001 

Blush : TS Omega Cold Days Heart Blush Applier @ The Arcade

Blush 2 : Avoixs - Winter Blushes @ B U S A N

Hair & Hat : #Foxy - Teddy. @ Kustom9 

Jacket : Native - Drift Jacket @ TMD

Pants : Native - Groove Pants All Colors

Sneakers : FLITE. Retro Gliders V2 

All of the things, Durex : 

Body: [SIGNATURE] Gianni - Mesh Body

Skin : Not Found - Robert Skin 

Head :  CATWA HEAD Skell

Cap : 10_BlankLine Killer Gacha [Cap] white @ TMD

Ears : [MANDALA]STRETCHED_Ears_Season2 HUMAN

Nails in ear : [CX] Heavily Nailed (Group Gift)

Beard & Scar : IDTTY Faces - Sharp Beard [CUT]

Tattoo : DAPPA -  Shiryo V2 Tattoo. @ Limit8

Jacket : 05_BlankLine Killer Gacha [Hoodie] black @ TMD

Sweatpants : CHUCK'S RENAN PANTS @ TMD

Sneakers : [ VERSOV ] MOUNTOV_BOOTS_@ TMD

Just a hit.

Pose : Ana Poses  - Valencian 3@ TMD

Photo taken at my (potentially forever) unfinished home.

I've been reflecting a lot today, and I just wanna put it out there that I can be an asshole.

By asshole, I mean sometimes I just cannot keep my mouth shut.

For me to make sense of things, I need to vent.. and sometimes my choice of who I vent to can be somewhat uh.. fucked up. 

See, I kind of have this habit of blurting, whether I've just met someone or I've known them for a while, I often scoop myself all the way up onto my high horse and preach to the hilltops about my personal opinions. While I'm much more confident in my opinions lately, that doesn't mean that everyone needs to know them, nor does it mean they care. I need to remember this.

I do have a habit of talking shit, too. Nothing that I can relate to 'gossip' as such, it's more like I'm really trying to work out WHY something happened, why I feel the way I do about a situation, what -I- could have done differently and why someone else reacted the way they did.

If I "talk shit" there's a 90% chance that I have already told the person I'm talking shit about how I feel, but again - that's not really anyone else's business. and it's certainly not my job to point out the flaws of others when I am so un-perfect myself.

I was considering the idea of new years resolutions today, and I think I've decided what mine is. I don't often make resolutions, because I feel like for the most part they are unrealistic, but for 2019, I want to do better at dealing with a situation and moving on. For my own sanity, I need to let things go, confide more in people that genuinely care and aren't just floaters in my life, and I definitely need to mind my own fucking business.

I really want to project positivity, and if I'm concentrated so firmly on other people and how negative they are (to ME), I will never achieve the serenity inside myself that I'm aiming for.

Happy Monday!

xoxo

All of the things : 

Body: [SIGNATURE] Gianni - Mesh Body

Skin : [theSkinnery] Luca (Catwa Applier) @ TMD

Body Skin : Clef de Peau.@ TMD

Head :  CATWA HEAD Stanley

Eyes : HERMONY / EYES OF THE BEHOLDER 

Glasses : MIRROR - Miguel Glasses @ TMD

Ears : L'Etre - Basic mesh ears 

UNISEX [MANDALA]STRETCHED_Ears_Season2 HUMAN

Hairbase : Stealthic Male Hairbase

Hair : Dura-U89  @ TMD 

Tattoo : *Bolson / Tattoo Cronopios Collection - Knoxx @ TMD

Necklaces : [MANDALA]YOLO-Jewelry-set

Coat : Hotdog - Morbid manteaux . @ TMD

Pants : {COLD-ASH} Mens GRAYSON Roll Up Trousers @ TMD

Shoes : [ VERSOV ] MOUNTOV_BOOTS_ @ TMD

It's the rising.

Pose : Ana Poses - Chemnitz1 @ TMD

Bat : [The Forge] CyberBowl 2077 @ TMD

I'm absolutely freaking exhausted today, in the best possible way.

I don't want to share, but today is a good day for real life, and one that will remain in my memory for a very long time.

I hope your Monday brings you just a smidge of the happy I am feeling.

xoxo

All of the things : 

Body: [SIGNATURE] Gianni - Mesh Body

Skin : STRAY DOG - DAVID @ TMD

Head :  CATWA HEAD Stanley 

Eyes : -SU!- Ophelia Eyes Fatpack /ULTRARARE/ (Gacha)

Ears : L'Etre - Basic mesh ears 

Nosebleed : -SU!-Nosebleed 

Hairbase : Stealthic - Male Hairbase

Hair : Modulus -  Raf Hair @ TMD

Hoody & Jacket : GUTCHI - 8Bit Skull Jacket @ TMD

Necklace : amias - CALEB necklace pack @ TMD

Bracelet & Rings : Messiah x .Shi : Emeth / ALL @ TMD

Pants : HEVO - Off Strip Ripped Jeans @ TMD

Sneakers : [ VERSOV ] CHAINZOV_SNEAKERS

I could have done better.

Pose : FOXCITY. Mens - Night Owl-6m (Fatpack Exclusive)

Location : Backdrop Cove Tropical Beach 

Today I've been thinking about the quote "We accept the love we think we deserve" and what that means to me.

For a long time, I don't think I equated "me" with "worthy of love", so every time I found something that seemed to present itself as affection, I gripped it with both hands and attempted to cling on, even when it wasn't right. That, or when it was "too good to be true" I felt like I was undeserving, and found excuses to run away from it, or put obstacles in the way - because why would anything be 'right'?

Another saying that goes along side this was phrased best (in my opinion) by RuPaul. "If you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?" and this has been a bone of contention for me. I'm not saying I'm in love with me, I'm not. I have a long way to go before I think that can happen... but I definitely like myself a lot more than I have for a long while. Before, I thought that this saying was bullshit. I thought that despite me not loving me, or giving myself the attention I need, I was beyond capable of showing love. I wasn't, and I wonder if even now, I'm capable.

I do see a difference, already. In being kinder to myself, it's becoming easier to calm me when I get upset. I'm learning to listen to my gut far more than I have in the past, and if something feels bad I am able to quit out - often before I've worked out why it's bad. It's also easier for me to forgive and understand others. None of us are born perfect, and sometimes we make mistakes. 

I never seem to be able to write exactly what I want to say, or how I want to say it, but my message here remains the same as it always is, be kind to each other - but even more importantly, be kind to yourself.

xoxo

All of the things : 

Body: [SIGNATURE] Gianni - Mesh Body

Skin :  Clef de Peau.Oscar @ TMD

Head :  CATWA HEAD Stanley 

Eyes : -SU!- Ophelia Eyes Fatpack /ULTRARARE/ (Gacha)

Glasses : MIRROR - Carbon Glasses @ TMD

Ears : AITUI - Snake Charmer Ears @ TMD

Hair : Dura-B86 @ TMD

Tattoo : DAPPA - Benson Tattoo @ Output Event

Pants : Lenox - Journey Sweats @ TMD

Sneakers : [ VERSOV ] BALLOV_SNEAKERS @ TMD

Want some?

Pose & Cash : *!R.O!* Assets BENTO Couple Pose w/ Mesh Money

Background & Props : {moss&mink} Deep Desires @ Epiphany

Includes : {moss&mink} Deep Desires - Skybox (White) RARE

{moss&mink} Deep Desires - Dance Pole (White)

{moss&mink} Deep Desires - Toys Shelf (White)

{moss&mink} Deep Desires - Twinkle Gems (Pink)

I'm featuring some of my very favourite sponsors here today, the first being Moss&Mink, and although I'm aware that you can't see much of the detail involved in this Epiphany set on this post - I have all the plans to show off more of this freakin' beautiful set in future pictures.

I was lucky enough to be involved with Cielo's creative process on this set, I listened as she came up with idea's on the fly and am secretly jealous of her amazingly imaginative brain. She's a creator who will actively listen to her customer base, she'll interact and ask for opinions and will try her hardest to apply many of the suggestions she receives in updates and upcoming releases. I cannot sing her praises enough - and yes, I'm biased, because she is one of my best friends.

Dappa! I legit dragged my alt, Paloma, back into this picture specifically to show off two Dappa tattoos and this is down to the fact that the speed at which they are being produced - seriously, he's KILLING it! Not only are Dappa becoming far more prolific in terms of events, but the quality he is producing is actually improving, every time. 

Of course, the pose is from Reve Obscura. I sincerely believe that he is one of the very best bento pose makers in SL. I rarely need to adjust anything to 'fit' (I did unlink the poses here and give them a wiggle, but I think that's down to the fact that both Paloma and Pickle are thicker avatars.) For many poses, I will use animare to yank out a hand from my stomach/leg/other random body part. I can't imagine how hard it is to develop these poses for every body-type, but R.O has always come through for me!

Here - find some things in the info below!

xoxo

All of the things, Paloma.

Body : Slink Physique Hourglass Mesh Body  

Skin : Insol: Lily skin  Former GIFT 

Head : CATWA Lona 

Eyes : CATWA Mesh Eyes

Eyeliner : . MILA . Princess of Darkness Makeup

Hair : Besom~Pixie (Gacha)

Tattoo : DAPPA - Aloha Tattoo. (Now available in mainstore)

Lingerie : Wicca's Wardrobe - Vixen [Bound Box, October 2017] 

Nipples :  !~SV~! Nipples 

Nipple Piercings : [CX] Kinky Cobra 

Rings : (Yummy) Divinity Ring and Nail Set

All of the things, Pickle : 

Body : Slink Physique Hourglass Mesh Body  

Head : CATWA Magy

Skin : Insol: Gemma applier @ Uber

Eyes : CATWA Mesh Eyes

Eye Appliers : Go&See * Boo * Catwa Eyes

Eyebrows : Bossie. sarah eyebrows [catwa] 

Eyeshadow : Bossie. glossy eyeshadows [catwa] 

Moles & Freckles : Bossie.  freckles & beauty marks [catwa]

Lipstick : [PF] CATWA LIPSTICK - Pure Matte (Pinks)

Ears : ^^Swallow^^ Rox Ears 

Earrings : Kibitz - Hailey's pearl heart hoops @ Kustom9

Hair : little bones. Twyla 

Tattoo : DAPPA - Jade Tattoo. @ The Seasons Story

Necklace : Amala - The Alessia Necklace

Nipples : !~SV~! Nipples 

Nipple Piercings : .miss chelsea. Thea Nipple Piercing

Lingerie : BBD - SAVANNAH Lingerie 

Rings : (Yummy) Serena Rings 

Shoes : [ VERSOV ] DINAROV@ Equal10

Too close.

Pose :  Ana Poses - Bergen 01@ TMD

Location : Borneo

Man-Pickle has been suspiciously missing lately, and I can only apologize for his sudden disappearance. However, I'm feeling 34058934% better than I have in weeks, and so hopefully -HOPEFULLY- things can get semi normal except for when I'm doing the whole RL thing which is scary and awesome and amazing and I'll fill you guys in on when there's a substantial change.

In the meantime, please check out all the awesome things from TMD before the round closes!

xoxo

All of the things : 

Body, Hands & Feet : [SIGNATURE] Gianni - Mesh Body

Skin : Clef de Peau.Jasper Skin [CATWA & LELUTKA] @ TMD

Head :  CATWA HEAD Stanley 

Eyes : CATWA Mesh Eyes 

Eye Appliers : Go&See * Space * Catwa Eyes @ SaNaRae (26th June)

Hairbase : Stealthic - Male Hairbase

Hair : Modulus - Joey Hair @ TMD

Beard Applier : Beusame // Beard V42 Tintable

Ears : ^^Swallow^^ Drop Ears 

Ear weight : HAIL Metal Plate Ear Weight 

Shirt : AITUI - Judd Jacket @ TMD

Necklace : [WAZ] Bullet Necklace 18' @ TMD

Pants : TonkTastic - Tapered Pants /@ TMD

Shoes : [ VERSOV ] LASKAROV_CLEARBLUE @ TMD

Enough love.

Pose : The Owl. Touch me

Background/Prop : Inside the Madame Vava Room's Van by Never Totally Dead @ RLD

Everyone wave at Durex again! I'm thoroughly enjoying him right now! I wanted to push myself a little today, so we're featuring a couple of skins from Go&See. I find it kind of cute when couples in SL match, but also sort of don't so I'm hoping I'm pulling that off with this photo.

One thing that means a lot to me in a picture is emotion, and another is telling a story.

The story or the emotion can differ entirely depending on perspective, but whenever I take a picture, those are the things that are important. Things like eye-contact, touch, body-language are big players in this to me, maybe because of my RL situation right now I'm kind of missing some of these things, but I like to at least attempt to portray these in SL.

It's kind of odd to me, because when you develop a relationship with someone in Secondlife, you're not really seeing any of these things from the offset. You have to express these things with your words... which I think is why I enjoy attempting to show relationships so much with the emotion we miss from our barbiedolls.

Still, they are just barbiedolls, and there's no doubt for me about the importance of connecting beyond the mind too.

Let's be good humans today, yeah? 

xoxo

All of the things, Durex :

Body, Hands & Feet : [SIGNATURE] Gianni - Mesh Body

Skin : Go&See * Summer * Theo (See below for more info!)

Head :  CATWA HEAD Skrell

Eyes : -SU!-Delora Eyes Fatpack /ULTRARARE/ (Gacha)

Piercings : -SU!- Piercing Set 06 

Ears : [MANDALA]STRETCHED_Ears_Season2 HUMAN

Nails in ear : [CX] Heavily Nailed (Group Gift)

Hairbase : Stealthic - Male Hairbase

Hair : { Speakeasy } Jamie Hair (Group Gift)

Tattoo : DAPPA - Sick Tattoo @ Men Only Monthly

Claws : [CX] Shredder Claws 

Pants : [ VERSOV ] STEFOV_JEANS

The  Go&See  Theo skin is available in the mainstore in Five tones. Shown here in CalWL on ultra, in firestorm viewer in the tone "Summer" which is around the mid-tone.

Along with the no beard, beard and beard & freckles version shown here with eyebrows, there is the option of no eyebrows, no eyebrows & beard too.

Theo has a catwa and omega applier for your mesh head, which means that omega capable head you own that isn't catwa will be able to support this skin. Just ensure you have the correct relay from the omega store to make it work wherever necessary.

The body is also omega - making it suitable for Signature, Adam, Belleza and any other body with omega support.

All of the things, Pickle : 

Body Hands & Feet: -Belleza- Freya

Skin : Go&See * Emily Gacha * @ Whimsical (More info below)

Head :  CATWA HEAD Magy

Eyes : CATWA Mesh Eyes 

Eye Applier : LOTUS : Intuition Eyes (Gacha) @ Chapter Four

Lashes : :: SAGA :: Freja Lashes/CATWA (More info below)

Ears : .:[PUMEC] :.  - / Mesh Ears\ Bohemian 

Hair : #Foxy - Lovesick. 

Bodysuit : _CandyDoll_ Kala - Bodysuit @ Blush

Shoes : [VALE KOER] HEY TRAINERS RETRO @ N21

I wanted to give you a little more information on the  Go&See * Emily Gacha * @ Whimsical . The skin is the rare and comes available in two packs.

Pack one contains Albi, Summer, Goth and Dark tones

Pack two contains Goth, Pale, Tan and Tropic tones.

You can find more details on the tones available in this blog post >HERE<

Although shown in the photo I'm still using  LOTUS : Intuition Eyes the Go&See gacha has 10 Catwa eye appliers and 8 lipsticks as commons to pull!

Also shown here are the :: SAGA :: Freja Lashes/CATWA available at the mainstore.

There are FOUR packs, with TWO different lashes offered in each, and they all come with black and white (to tint, or not to tint!) options. They are only available for Catwa heads.