Drift by.

Pose : AP - Bergen 04

Location : Elysion (Paid group needed for entry)

Man-Pickle is looking a little contemplative today, mayhaps that's because he's a mish-mash of styles in what is essentially a greenhouse.

So let me explain what's been going on in the world of Pickle lately.

Something inside me changed when I posted the "Hold tight" blog (you can find that >Here<). 

Part of my issue with leaving the house has been that I was completely caked in guilt and shame. I was horrified that I could be a person who gave up their child, even to family, and that lead to me worrying profusely about how to field awkward questions from people. 

I remember vaguely being "okay" enough to leave the house and go to a coffee shop with a friend about 4 years ago. I was fine, until a complete stranger turned to me and said "So what do you do?"

I didn't - and still don't - do anything. I remember not being capable of answering his question. Of sitting there, gripping my latte in my hands, staring intently at the swirls in the milk wondering how I could tell this person I didn't know that I did nothing. That I am essentially a failure. So, being the overly emotional Pickle that I am, I sobbed silently until my friend noticed, and led me out of the coffee shop and took me home. Luckily, she's an amazing, understanding woman who is completely supportive of me.

FLASH BACK TO TODAY.

Until two or three weeks ago, I hadn't left the house for 18 months. When I received the outpouring of support I suddenly realized that although there are people who will no doubt sit and judge, there are also people who will not only completely understand what I am going through, but will also hold me up and cheer me on.

I've always held to the belief that there was a switch in my head that needed to be flipped, that one day I would wake up and want to change... and I can only describe what happened as the switch flipped. Things had got bad. I was dating shitheads in SL that I allowed to abuse me (that's another story, after all, how can you be abused in SL?). I wasn't taking care of myself, or my home. I was ignoring everything that meant anything, because I just couldn't deal with the fact that I was such an epic failure and how could I POSSIBLY be any use to anyone, given the mess I'd already made. Essentially, I was alive - but I wasn't living.

Now don't get me wrong, things haven't magically improved to the point that all the negativity I felt has dissipated. I still harbor a ton of negative thoughts... but now? Now I feel like I need to live. I need to get up off my arse and do something. I need to try and make a difference in the lives of the people around me that mean something - REAL LIVES.

So, I've been making slow changes. I visited my parents and my daughter over the last few weeks, and this weekend I stayed there. 

I've been to the doctors. I'm now starting the steps I need to take - steps I have taken in the past, that now feel entirely different - to get myself healthy. I am taking medication. I'm going for blood tests. I'm starting to fight back.

I'm not saying everything has changed - I'm incredibly weak right now, and this is going to be a terribly long journey, a journey I have started and failed in the past... but again, this time, it just FEELS different.

I am not only being honest with myself for the first time in a long time, but I am being honest to people around me, and I hope that in the long run, SL will become less of a crutch for me, and I will be able to use it in a healthier, more productive way. I hope that I'll become a proper, functioning member of society.

I don't doubt that I will have bad days - today especially is emotional, and I think that's just because over the weekend at my parents I was forced to not only socialize, but also to see things in real-time that I had been happily ignoring for a long time.

Once again, I have no idea what the point of this post is, other than to act as a form of therapy for me, so selfishly, that's what I'm doing. Maybe, just maybe, it'll help you too.

xoxo

All of the things : 

Body, Hands & Feet : [SIGNATURE] Gianni - Mesh Body

Skin : Clef de Peau.Jasper Skin [CATWA & LELUTKA]

Head :  CATWA HEAD Stanley 

Eyes : CATWA Mesh Eyes 

Eye Applier : LOTUS : Mirror Eyes (Gacha) @ Access

Beard Applier : Beusame // Beard V42 Tintable

Hairbase : Stealthic - Male Hairbase

Hair : Vango. Aaron @ Men Only Monthly

Glasses : [Z O O M] K-shoot Glasses

Tattoo : DAPPA - Steel Tattoo. @ Signature Event

Necklace : amias - HOVIK 

Shirt (over shoulder) : TABOU. Rico Shoulder Top @ Signature Event

Pants : not so bad . mesh . GABRIEL pants .@ TMD (Open 5th July)

Too close.

Pose :  Ana Poses - Bergen 01@ TMD

Location : Borneo

Man-Pickle has been suspiciously missing lately, and I can only apologize for his sudden disappearance. However, I'm feeling 34058934% better than I have in weeks, and so hopefully -HOPEFULLY- things can get semi normal except for when I'm doing the whole RL thing which is scary and awesome and amazing and I'll fill you guys in on when there's a substantial change.

In the meantime, please check out all the awesome things from TMD before the round closes!

xoxo

All of the things : 

Body, Hands & Feet : [SIGNATURE] Gianni - Mesh Body

Skin : Clef de Peau.Jasper Skin [CATWA & LELUTKA] @ TMD

Head :  CATWA HEAD Stanley 

Eyes : CATWA Mesh Eyes 

Eye Appliers : Go&See * Space * Catwa Eyes @ SaNaRae (26th June)

Hairbase : Stealthic - Male Hairbase

Hair : Modulus - Joey Hair @ TMD

Beard Applier : Beusame // Beard V42 Tintable

Ears : ^^Swallow^^ Drop Ears 

Ear weight : HAIL Metal Plate Ear Weight 

Shirt : AITUI - Judd Jacket @ TMD

Necklace : [WAZ] Bullet Necklace 18' @ TMD

Pants : TonkTastic - Tapered Pants /@ TMD

Shoes : [ VERSOV ] LASKAROV_CLEARBLUE @ TMD

Memories are fresh.

Pose : FOXCITY. Mens - The Journey-6 (Fatpack exclusive)

Backdrop :  FOXCITY. Photo Booth - Destination:London

I love this Foxcity set, and the moment I saw the colours, I knew it had to be done. It's not new, and I know i'm late to the game, but just go with it okay?

I live about 40 miles or so from Central London, and as with most big cities, it's really difficult to get into the middle of the Capital by car. I've had a few experiences with London Transport, and for a while it was a very regular experience when I would need to travel into London to head north to Scotland. Everything about this Photo Booth is familiar to me, from the fabric on the chairs to the vents under the seat and the no-smoking signs. It's been a while since I have traveled into London via Train/Underground now, but looking at this picture I can still hear the automated voice of the announcer stating the name of the next station, and the loud echo of footsteps along the platforms.

The one thing that does seem to be missing that I'm not at all mad about is the worn-out feel of the seats, the scuffing of the floors, the graffiti and chiseled in initials and words along the windows of the train, this is definitely a new carriage, and that's pretty darn rare!

I'm feeling oddly nostalgic now, and I can't help feeling like Man-Pickle is doing the same thing. He might be off to meet the boys for a casual night out (most nightclubs around London have a dress-code, he'd definitely not be allowed in with sneakers and a cap) at a regular pub hangout. He's just chillin' out, getting comfortable, watching the world go by. I only hope that as the carriage becomes busier he's not too much of a dick to stand up and offer his seat to somebody who needs it. Be a freakin' Gentleman, Man-Pickle!

xoxo

All of the things : 

Body, Hands & Feet : [SIGNATURE] Gianni - Mesh Body 

Skin : Go&See * Liam * (Summer Tone) @ Mens Only Monthly (more info below)

Head :  CATWA HEAD Stanley 

Ears : ^^Swallow^^ Rox Ears

Hair base : Stealthic - Male Hairbase 

Hair : Modulus  - Matt Hair @ The Mens Dept.

Cap : Beusame //  Zaddy & Wasted Hat

Necklace : amias - ONUR @ The Mens Dept.

Outfit : :PARKER: KEVIN Outfit @ The Mens Dept.

Sneakers : not so bad . mesh . BOJAN sneakers . red @ The Mens Dept.

Hold on to your hats, here's a little extra information about the  Go&See * Liam * Skin at Mens Only Monthly 

Shown in the Summer tone, you can clearly see the eyebrow options here. I've chosen not to show the freckles version, as they're in the main picture.

One thing I want to bring to light is that just because a skin looks a certain way in an ad, doesn't mean it's going to look the same on YOUR SHAPE, on YOUR HEAD. I feel that with guy-things, it's easy to look at a product and nope it out without giving it enough attention. Many skins, many products will work for you, if you just give them a chance. It's also important to go into demo-ing with an open mind, try things out, expand your horizons, guypeoples! Be a more fashionable you!

OO will ya just look at that package! (Not really. it's stuffed.)

I wanted to show you the hair and no-hair options on the Liam body. On the hair option (Left) you can also see that there's fine hairs along the lower arms too - and if I remember rightly, there's some hair on the legs too.

That's all, folks!

P.S, Adam, this song and WHOLE POST made me think of you. I hope you're homesick! ♥

Counting to fifty.

Pose : <K&S ~Leonard~ Pose 1 1

Location : Consent (Adult)

Man-Pickle Monday has become one of my favourite days of the week.

It's a chance for me to throw myself into the deep end and attempt something completely different. Many times I've bought an item and thought "That'd look amazing on a guy!" or "This says it's for men, but let me just throw it on my girl av anyway."

When dressing a girl, it's fairly easy. Our choices are far less limited than the males of SL, and that's kind of how Man-Pickle was born.

He's been a semi-regular on this blog for a while now, and he's even featured in some friends pictures & blog posts. The only thing that is mildly irksome is that I can't be both Man-Pickle and Girl-Pickle at the same time, so there's no pictures of us together as yet! I think I'll work on that, maybe in the future I'll be talented enough to make it happen!

I'm never sure if I've made him look "Manly" enough. I mean, sure, he's obviously a dude, but for a long time I struggled with his facial features... particularly the eyes. They just never looked like man-eyes and always had an air of femininity. This skin, however.. let me just say I would!!

A few of these items are at TMD (The Men's Dept), and that's closing within the next few days, so make sure you hurry and grab the goodies!

All of the things :

Body & Hands : [SIGNATURE] Gianni - Mesh Body (updated to 4.4 sent automatically)

Head Skin : [theSkinnery] Ralph (Catwa Applier) @ The Mens Dept.

Body Skin : Clef de Peau.Body 

Head :  CATWA HEAD Stanley 

Eyes :  -SU!-Delora Eyes Fatpack /ULTRARARE/ (Gacha)

Ears : [theSkinnery]  Human Ears 

Piercings :  -SU!- Piercing Set 05 

Beard : Beusame // Beard V29 

Hair base : Stealthic - Male Hairbase 

Hair : Stealthic- Hunter

Necklace : [VEX] 24inch Herringbone Necklace @ The Mens Dept.

Tattoo : DAPPA - Da Vinci Tattoo.

Shirt : DAPPA  - TDC - Trip. @ Men Only Monthly (Note: Check out the other designs available!)

Bracelet : Kenvie - Lion Bracelet @ The Mens Dept.

Pants : BlankLine TightColorPants @ The Mens Dept.

Sneakers : [VALE KOER] HEATUP SNEAKERS 

Close up! ♥

I don't wanna die today.

Pose : FOXCITY. Mens - Play Ball-4

Background & Props : [Bad Unicorn] No Parkin' Backdrop @ The Mens Dept.

[Bad Unicorn] No Parkin' Helmet @ The Mens Dept.

Ra Ya Designs : Drunk Boy 2

.:revival:. empty beer bottles

All of the things : 

Body & Hands : [SIGNATURE] Gianni - Mesh Body (UPDATED!! v4.3!! Delivered Automatically!)

Skin : Clef de Peau.Gaston [CATWA] @ The Mens Dept.

Head :  CATWA HEAD Stanley (UPDATED!! 3.0!! Visit a redelivery terminal!)

Eyes : Go&See * MOH10 * Catwa Eyes Hunt Gift

Ears :   ^^Swallow^^  Rox Ears

Hair base : Stealthic - Male Hairbase 

Beard : Beusame // Beard V49  @ The Mens Dept.

Cap : Beusame //  Zaddy & Wasted Hat @ The Mens Dept.

Hoodie : .::S::.: Raw Cut Denim  @ The Mens Dept.

Pants : :PARKER: ADRIEN JACKET @ The Mens Dept.

Boots : fame femme: Leon Boots @ The Mens Dept. 

Something good.

Pose : FOXCITY. Mens - Solitude-3

Background stuff : taikou / 2AM backdrop @ Kustom9

[NikotiN] Cigarette Butts 

{Imeka} Bottle with natural juice

///BENJAMINZ//MYST JACKET -BOMBER @ The Mens Dept

All of the things : 

Body & Hands : [SIGNATURE] Gianni - Mesh Body

Skin : STRAY DOG - LEWIS - TONE 02

Head :  CATWA HEAD Stanley

Eyes : CATWA Mesh Eyes 

Eye Applier :  LOTUS. Freedom Eyes 

Ears :   ^^Swallow^^  Rox Ears

Earrings : [CX] Internal Wiring

Beard & Scruff: Beusame // Beard V42 Tintable @ The Mens Dept

Hairbase : Stealthic - Male Hairbase

Hair : Stealthic - Narcotic  @ N21

Cigarette : [ kunst ] - Cigarette 

Shirt : etham - Shane Tee @ The Mens Dept

Watch : [VEX] Oyster @ The Mens Dept

Jeans : ::K:: Slim Fit Jeans Homme @ The Mens Dept

Sneakers :///BENJAMINZ//MYST SNEAKER 

When it all falls down.

Pose, Phone & Smoke : FOXCITY. Mens - Night Owl-6 (Fatpack Exclusive)

Location : Elysion (Adult & Group Only)

All of the things : 

Body & Hands : [SIGNATURE] Gianni - Mesh Body

Skin : STRAY DOG - MARVIN - TONE 02 @ The Mens Dept

Head :  CATWA HEAD Stanley

Eyes : CATWA Mesh Eyes 

Eye Applier :  LOTUS. Freedom Eyes @  The Chapter Four 

Ears :   ^^Swallow^^  Gauged Ears

Beard : Beusame // Beard V47 Tintable @ The Mens Dept

Hair & Hat : Stealthic - Psycho @ The Mens Dept

Glasses : [Z O O M] Vardoone Glasses @ The Mens Dept

Tattoo : -Endless Pain Tattoos @ Bodyfy (Open 8th August)

Shirt & Tie : //Ascend// Eric Bow tie Shirt @ The Mens Dept

Watch & Bracelet : -NOeditiON DweelerWatch w/ Fortune Bracelet @ The Mens Dept

Jeans & Underpants : Lenox Disruptor Jeans @ The Mens Dept

Sneakers : [VALE KOER] LUNAR STRIDERS @ The Mens Dept

My mind plays tricks on me.

Pose : RKPoses_Cody_6

Props : Chair, Can Table, Rug -DRD- The Trashy Executive Collection @ The Mens Dept

Polaroids&Camera, Headphones, Tapes, Record Player -  BUENO OnewayorAnother Gacha

[Z O O M] Don Draper Glasses @ The Mens Dept

All of the things :

Body & Hands : [SIGNATURE] Gianni - Mesh Body

Skin : STRAY DOG - LEWIS - TONE 02 @ The Mens Dept

Head :  CATWA HEAD Stanley

Eyes : CATWA Mesh Eyes 

Eye Applier : LOTUS. Summer Eyes @ Applique 

Ears :   ^^Swallow^^  Rox Ears

Hair : Dura-B&G79-BROWN @ The Mens Dept

Beard : Beusame // Beard V23 @ The Mens Dept

Necklace : [VEX] Aviate Necklace 12inch @ The Mens Dept

Shirt & Cardigan : /Ascend/ Hiroshi Cardigan w/Shirt @ The Mens Dept

Bracelet : MINIMAL - Panzer Bracelets @ The Mens Dept

Joggers : REPRESENT - Washed Combat Joggers @ The Mens Dept

Sneakers : [ VERSOV ] NICEOV_SNEAKERS_@ The Mens Dept

What you gonna be?

Pose : -{fM}- Gaming - Just like Dad

Props & Background : anxiety %goodnight @ SaNaRae

[Bad Unicorn] Shoreditch Startup @ The Mens Dept

.Birch Neon Gamer Wall Display @ The Mens Dept

!six o'clock! chair 05 (Gacha)

+Half-Deer+ Fast Food Clutter @ Collabor88

[high v.] pizza tony open

[Bad Unicorn] 'No Text' Heart Pizza (Gacha)

Lufen (Little Man) is wearing :

Body & Hands : ~ToddleeDoo - Baby (v.3.8a) with the Nappy Shrinkeedoo

Head :  ~ToddleeDoo Baby Mesh Head #Bento - ALICE

Hair : [taketomi]_Tama

 Jumper : [Toasty] - Hoodie 

Pants : Enchantique. Payton Jeans

Socks :  :BoWillow: Lounge Socks

All of the things :

Body & Hands : [SIGNATURE] Gianni - Mesh Body

Skin : STRAY DOG - LEWIS - TONE 02 @ The Mens Dept

Head :  CATWA HEAD Stanley

Eyes : CATWA Mesh Eyes 

Eye Applier : LOTUS. Breeze Eyes @ The Toddleedoo Fair

Septum : MONS / MESH - Mystic Collection 

Ears :   ^^Swallow^^  Gauged Ears

Hair & Hairbase : Modulus - Valdes Hair @ The Mens Dept

Beard : Beusame // Beard V22 @ The Mens Dept

Tracksuit : fame femme: Dilan Sport set @ The Mens Dept

Sneakers : [VALE KOER] HEATUP SNEAKERS @ The Mens Dept