Taken in the Apple Fall Country Hall @ my homestead.
Ok so my brain has well and truly been up my backside today, and I've neglected to think of a subject to write about, also, tomorrow I will be going out with family for my first 'public' meal since I've been feeling better... so that's possibly weighing on my mind a little. I mean, who wants to sit a freakin' restaurant with a bunch of people they don't know, feeling super self conscious while celebrating a 40th Wedding Anniversary?
I actually asked my Dad how he felt about being married to my mum for that long, and I was hoping/expecting for some beautiful sentiment or maybe at a push, something flattering about his children (eg, me.) but no. The response I got was "To be honest, I'm kinda numb to it now."
Now I'm remembering and giggling to myself like a plonker!
In other news, TMD is open, Lads! Go grab your new things!
I'm sorta kinda loving this picture! Durex and Pickle make the most adorable couple!
I wanted to talk quickly about the use of animare on poses.
If you don't know what animare is, you can find it listed on MP >HERE< and though I'm sure there's many things you can do with the version linked, all I use it for is to modify poses slightly.
For example, in the above picture, Durex's hand was pushed into Pickle's head far too much, but with a couple of animare tweaks, it popped out and the pose was saved.
Please note, this doesn't mean that the pose is broken, or doesn't work... each pose is made with the specific body-type of the pose maker & advertiser in mind and you as a consumer are expected to modify your shape to fit or not buy the pose at all. Demoing poses IS important if you are unprepared to do this! Being that in SL we are all now capable of having a variety of shapes and a myriad of bodies are used, tools such as Animare come in very handy for photography and modelling purposes, and on investigating marketplace it seems like there's a new option that will allow you to modify a models pose too... so I might look into that for the future!
Anywho, go explore the things!
xoxo
I'm not entirely sure if Durex is dragging Pickle away to save her, or if he's got his own murderous plans... either way, avoiding those creepy looking hands will be beneficial!
Ok, so I want you to hold on to your pants, because this might take a while to get through!
Go&See has released this absolutely stunning "Aria" Skin, available at Blush. It comes in 9 tones (you can find the tones >HERE< and include the exclusive shades Witchy, Moonly and Light), and as shown above, white brows, white brows & freckles, dark brows & freckles, and dark brows. There's also a no eyebrow version I couldn't squeeze in, so you can add your favourite brows!
I'm wearing my personal favourite shade "Pale", but I guarantee each tone is just as beautiful as the next!
I like to imagine that Pickle and Durex have crept into an old, abandoned house in this photograph.
I'm not entirely sure where they've strewn their clothing, or what possessed them to run around such a creepy place with their pants down, but we all do crazy things sometimes, and maybe this is one of those times!
Culprit has once again stunned me with their magical bento Piano.
Don't get me wrong, it's not going to perform card tricks, or pull a rabbit from a top hat, but that doesn't make it any less spectacular! I'm adding another little gif whatsit below so that you can get a glimpse of the wonderful animations included - but please do demo the item for yourself so that you get the full effect!
I'm struggling to keep up with the awesome that Dappa is producing lately! It continues to warm my heart that brands I love who are still supporting me after a long time, manage to push their way into mainstream events one by one. There's no doubt in my mind that Dappa is entirely deserving of his current status, and he is always among the first tattoo brand that I will recommend to anyone looking for new art, not just because he's kind enough to allow me to review his items, but because the quality is always absolutely spot on.
xoxo
Man-Pickle is looking a little contemplative today, mayhaps that's because he's a mish-mash of styles in what is essentially a greenhouse.
So let me explain what's been going on in the world of Pickle lately.
Something inside me changed when I posted the "Hold tight" blog (you can find that >Here<).
Part of my issue with leaving the house has been that I was completely caked in guilt and shame. I was horrified that I could be a person who gave up their child, even to family, and that lead to me worrying profusely about how to field awkward questions from people.
I remember vaguely being "okay" enough to leave the house and go to a coffee shop with a friend about 4 years ago. I was fine, until a complete stranger turned to me and said "So what do you do?"
I didn't - and still don't - do anything. I remember not being capable of answering his question. Of sitting there, gripping my latte in my hands, staring intently at the swirls in the milk wondering how I could tell this person I didn't know that I did nothing. That I am essentially a failure. So, being the overly emotional Pickle that I am, I sobbed silently until my friend noticed, and led me out of the coffee shop and took me home. Luckily, she's an amazing, understanding woman who is completely supportive of me.
FLASH BACK TO TODAY.
Until two or three weeks ago, I hadn't left the house for 18 months. When I received the outpouring of support I suddenly realized that although there are people who will no doubt sit and judge, there are also people who will not only completely understand what I am going through, but will also hold me up and cheer me on.
I've always held to the belief that there was a switch in my head that needed to be flipped, that one day I would wake up and want to change... and I can only describe what happened as the switch flipped. Things had got bad. I was dating shitheads in SL that I allowed to abuse me (that's another story, after all, how can you be abused in SL?). I wasn't taking care of myself, or my home. I was ignoring everything that meant anything, because I just couldn't deal with the fact that I was such an epic failure and how could I POSSIBLY be any use to anyone, given the mess I'd already made. Essentially, I was alive - but I wasn't living.
Now don't get me wrong, things haven't magically improved to the point that all the negativity I felt has dissipated. I still harbor a ton of negative thoughts... but now? Now I feel like I need to live. I need to get up off my arse and do something. I need to try and make a difference in the lives of the people around me that mean something - REAL LIVES.
So, I've been making slow changes. I visited my parents and my daughter over the last few weeks, and this weekend I stayed there.
I've been to the doctors. I'm now starting the steps I need to take - steps I have taken in the past, that now feel entirely different - to get myself healthy. I am taking medication. I'm going for blood tests. I'm starting to fight back.
I'm not saying everything has changed - I'm incredibly weak right now, and this is going to be a terribly long journey, a journey I have started and failed in the past... but again, this time, it just FEELS different.
I am not only being honest with myself for the first time in a long time, but I am being honest to people around me, and I hope that in the long run, SL will become less of a crutch for me, and I will be able to use it in a healthier, more productive way. I hope that I'll become a proper, functioning member of society.
I don't doubt that I will have bad days - today especially is emotional, and I think that's just because over the weekend at my parents I was forced to not only socialize, but also to see things in real-time that I had been happily ignoring for a long time.
Once again, I have no idea what the point of this post is, other than to act as a form of therapy for me, so selfishly, that's what I'm doing. Maybe, just maybe, it'll help you too.
xoxo
All of the things :
Body, Hands & Feet : [SIGNATURE] Gianni - Mesh Body
