Kaleidoscope: Zoom

Showing posts with label Zoom. Show all posts

Monday, 2 July 2018

Drift by.

Pose : AP - Bergen 04

Location : Elysion (Paid group needed for entry)

Man-Pickle is looking a little contemplative today, mayhaps that's because he's a mish-mash of styles in what is essentially a greenhouse.

So let me explain what's been going on in the world of Pickle lately.

Something inside me changed when I posted the "Hold tight" blog (you can find that >Here<).

Part of my issue with leaving the house has been that I was completely caked in guilt and shame. I was horrified that I could be a person who gave up their child, even to family, and that lead to me worrying profusely about how to field awkward questions from people.

I remember vaguely being "okay" enough to leave the house and go to a coffee shop with a friend about 4 years ago. I was fine, until a complete stranger turned to me and said "So what do you do?"

I didn't - and still don't - do anything. I remember not being capable of answering his question. Of sitting there, gripping my latte in my hands, staring intently at the swirls in the milk wondering how I could tell this person I didn't know that I did nothing. That I am essentially a failure. So, being the overly emotional Pickle that I am, I sobbed silently until my friend noticed, and led me out of the coffee shop and took me home. Luckily, she's an amazing, understanding woman who is completely supportive of me.

FLASH BACK TO TODAY.

Until two or three weeks ago, I hadn't left the house for 18 months. When I received the outpouring of support I suddenly realized that although there are people who will no doubt sit and judge, there are also people who will not only completely understand what I am going through, but will also hold me up and cheer me on.

I've always held to the belief that there was a switch in my head that needed to be flipped, that one day I would wake up and want to change... and I can only describe what happened as the switch flipped. Things had got bad. I was dating shitheads in SL that I allowed to abuse me (that's another story, after all, how can you be abused in SL?). I wasn't taking care of myself, or my home. I was ignoring everything that meant anything, because I just couldn't deal with the fact that I was such an epic failure and how could I POSSIBLY be any use to anyone, given the mess I'd already made. Essentially, I was alive - but I wasn't living.

Now don't get me wrong, things haven't magically improved to the point that all the negativity I felt has dissipated. I still harbor a ton of negative thoughts... but now? Now I feel like I need to live. I need to get up off my arse and do something. I need to try and make a difference in the lives of the people around me that mean something - REAL LIVES.

So, I've been making slow changes. I visited my parents and my daughter over the last few weeks, and this weekend I stayed there.

I've been to the doctors. I'm now starting the steps I need to take - steps I have taken in the past, that now feel entirely different - to get myself healthy. I am taking medication. I'm going for blood tests. I'm starting to fight back.

I'm not saying everything has changed - I'm incredibly weak right now, and this is going to be a terribly long journey, a journey I have started and failed in the past... but again, this time, it just FEELS different.

I am not only being honest with myself for the first time in a long time, but I am being honest to people around me, and I hope that in the long run, SL will become less of a crutch for me, and I will be able to use it in a healthier, more productive way. I hope that I'll become a proper, functioning member of society.

I don't doubt that I will have bad days - today especially is emotional, and I think that's just because over the weekend at my parents I was forced to not only socialize, but also to see things in real-time that I had been happily ignoring for a long time.

Once again, I have no idea what the point of this post is, other than to act as a form of therapy for me, so selfishly, that's what I'm doing. Maybe, just maybe, it'll help you too.

xoxo

All of the things :

Body, Hands & Feet : [SIGNATURE] Gianni - Mesh Body

Skin : Clef de Peau.Jasper Skin [CATWA & LELUTKA]

Head : CATWA HEAD Stanley

Eyes : CATWA Mesh Eyes

Eye Applier : LOTUS : Mirror Eyes (Gacha) @ Access

Beard Applier : Beusame // Beard V42 Tintable

Hairbase : Stealthic - Male Hairbase

Hair : Vango. Aaron @ Men Only Monthly

Glasses : [Z O O M] K-shoot Glasses

Tattoo : DAPPA - Steel Tattoo. @ Signature Event

Necklace : amias - HOVIK

Shirt (over shoulder) : TABOU. Rico Shoulder Top @ Signature Event

Pants : not so bad . mesh . GABRIEL pants .@ TMD (Open 5th July)

Tuesday, 15 May 2018

Reverse.

Kaleidoscope pic template Man-Pickle 14th May

Background : [sau]MC clubhouse @ TMD

Here we have a wild Man-Pickle in his natural habitat.

Yeah I'm not sure where I'm going with that, but this look was fun to put together!

I think almost everything I'm wearing is available at TMD, so once again, STOP TELLING ME YOU CAN'T FIND DECENT CLOTHING, DUDES.

Thanks so much! *skips off into the sunset*

xoxo

All of the things :

Body, Hands & Feet : [SIGNATURE] Gianni - Mesh Body (Updated, should be sent automatically)

Skin : Stray Dog - Liam Skin - TONE 04 @ TMD

Head : CATWA HEAD Stanley

Eyes : LOTUS. Cosmic Eyes 18 (Catwa) MYSTERY RARE (Gacha)

Ears : [MANDALA]STRETCHED_Ears_Season2 HUMAN

Hairbase : Stealthic - Male Hairbase

Hair : Dura-B85 @ TMD

Glasses : [Z O O M] Aviator 2018: Retro @ TMD

Tattoo : *Bolson / Leonardo @ TMD

Shirt & Vest : <Kalback> Denim Jacket @ TMD

Bracelets : [ kunst ] - Skull bracelets @ TMD

Shorts : not so bad . mesh . ADAM denim shorts @ TMD

Boots : Lenox - Rider Boots @ TMD

Monday, 5 March 2018

Take a look.

Pose : <K&S> Bloom Male Pose 4

Background : FOXCITY. Photo Booth - Rose Bathroom @ Backdrop City

I had an entirely different idea for this outfit, I figured "Oh hey, it'd be really ironic to put this hair on, with those naughty pants, and do 'sexy lumberjack'", but the truth is, Man-Pickle just looks far too good to be ironic right now. Instead I'm doing "I'm at my girlfriends apartment, having a quick pee and a last look in the mirror before I go into the bedroom and seduce her". -shrugs-

I chose a Michael Jackson song for this picture. Mainly because the title is "Man in the Mirror." I was apparently 8 years old (shh, I'm getting on a bit), when he performed this at the Grammys in the video shown below. I admit, although I've always enjoyed MJ's music, I've never really watched his older videos. I guess they're all older now, because he's passed and I'm OLD. However, this particular song has always been one of my favourites.

When I was a child I had a keyboard. It taught you how to play popular songs at the time with a little red light on the keys. The light lit up when you were supposed to press down, and the only thing you had to do was to remember the rhythm. This was the only song I knew at the time, and I soon learned how to play the basics on the keyboard by religiously (and probably rather annoyingly for my parents) repeating it. It wasn't until I was older that I actually understood the lyrics, and not even then did I comprehend the massive impact MJ must have been having at the time by bringing world issues to the forefront of people's minds.

I guess we'll never really know the struggles this amazing artist went through, or the truth to the controversial issues we've been privy to, but I can't deny that even now, 30 years on (groans inwardly, 30 years!!), Man in the Mirror still makes my skin break out into goosebumps, and that's a pretty amazing feat.

xoxo

All of the things :

Body, Hands & Feet : [SIGNATURE] Gianni - Mesh Body (Recently updated, should be automatically delivered!)

Skin : STRAY DOG - TREY @ TMD

Head : CATWA HEAD Stanley

Eyes : [JOE SL] CAULIFLOWER MESH EYES

Ears : ^^Swallow^^ Dragon Ears @ Kustom9

Hair : MIRROR - Axel Hair @ TMD

Tattoo :DAPPA - Lost Boys Tattoo

Watch : [Z O O M] Classic Johnson Watch @ TMD

Pants : RIOT / Triton Shorts @ TMD

Monday, 12 February 2018

Trading places.

Pose : <K&S> ~Leonard~ Pose 3 1

Location : Brand New Colony

I'm having immense troubles using my brain today, so this will be quick!

Santi and I were exploring yesterday, after many, many days of me saying "TAKE ME SOMEWHERE NEW!" he stumbled across this sim. Let's be honest, SL has and is becoming a place where we tend to introvert more, standing alone or with friends on platforms has taken over and finding pretty places to hang out, even for photography is more and more difficult because the pretty places are generally kinda private, or involve a heavy fee to get into. This sim... THIS SIM... is someone's home. They have clearly lovingly created a place with exceptional taste, with nooks for cuddles for intimate moments, and areas where you can invite friends and sit and chat. I am beyond flawed by the quality of this sim, and this photograph of the delicious Man-Pickle does not do it any justice. I implore you to visit, the only thing the sim owners request is that you are nice, so don't be a dick, k?

Also worth mentioning, rezzing is open, with a timer... so you can throw a pose down but it WILL get returned to you promptly, unless you're sitting on it. ♥

All of the things :

Body, Hands & Feet : [SIGNATURE] Gianni - Mesh Body

Skin : STRAY DOG - SHIRO @ TMD

Head : CATWA HEAD Stanley

Eyes : LOTUS. Blossom Eyes @ Chapter Four

Ears : ^^Swallow^^ Gauged Ears

Hair : [INK] Hair__ AIFC @ TMD

Sunglasses : [Z O O M] Kaion Glasses @ TMD

Sweater : COMPLEX / OLAF HOODIE @ TMD

Bag : ExalteD - Bag @ The Men Jail

Pants : <Kalback> Original Jeans M4 @ TMD

Sneakers : Bleich - Mesh Musa @ TMD

Monday, 15 January 2018

Graduate.

Pose : <K&S> Bloom Male pose 4
Location : [WoS] Woodcrest University Campus in Wormwood City - Urban RPG
(Please be courteous to RP'ers while visiting this sim & wear the appropriate tag!)

I've often been tempted to start attending a roleplay area. Usually, I get all the shopping done, create a backstory for my character and then completely wimp out about actually interacting with anyone or creating story-lines. It's not because I'm uncertain about my roleplay abilities... in fact i'm probably disgustingly over-confident in that respect. Again, it comes down to being afraid to actually dip my toe in and get started.
I give full props to Santi for finding the location for this post today. There I was.. all Man-Pickled up and whining mercilessly to him; "I'm so stinkin' cute but I don't know where.." I knew I wanted a fraternity house but I'm so terrible with the search button and so easily distracted!
This sim is set up beautifully. If you're looking to roleplay in a university theme, I would recommend this on looks alone, who knows, maybe you'll even find a Man-Pickle wandering around :P

All of the things! :

Body, Hands & Feet : [SIGNATURE] Gianni - Mesh Body

Skin : Clef de Peau.Oscar @ TMD

Head : CATWA HEAD Stanley

Eyes : LOTUS. Lovely Eyes

Hairbase & Hair : Modulus - Scott Hair @ TMD
Ears : [theSkinnery] Human Ears
Glasses : [Z O O M] Luccs Kioto Glasses @ TMD
Jacket & Shirt : not so bad . mesh . MARCO suit jacket @ TMD
Pants : <Kalback> Original Chino @ TMD
Boots : [MSN Design] - Nubuck Boot