My inspiration for this is Jamiroquai's "Virtual Insanity".
I'm not entirely sure how I ended up here from that video, but i've included it below so that you can make up your own storyline of my poor Pickled Brain! It does seem like I'm missing a rather large hat...
Man-Pickle is looking a little contemplative today, mayhaps that's because he's a mish-mash of styles in what is essentially a greenhouse.
So let me explain what's been going on in the world of Pickle lately.
Something inside me changed when I posted the "Hold tight" blog (you can find that >Here<).
Part of my issue with leaving the house has been that I was completely caked in guilt and shame. I was horrified that I could be a person who gave up their child, even to family, and that lead to me worrying profusely about how to field awkward questions from people.
I remember vaguely being "okay" enough to leave the house and go to a coffee shop with a friend about 4 years ago. I was fine, until a complete stranger turned to me and said "So what do you do?"
I didn't - and still don't - do anything. I remember not being capable of answering his question. Of sitting there, gripping my latte in my hands, staring intently at the swirls in the milk wondering how I could tell this person I didn't know that I did nothing. That I am essentially a failure. So, being the overly emotional Pickle that I am, I sobbed silently until my friend noticed, and led me out of the coffee shop and took me home. Luckily, she's an amazing, understanding woman who is completely supportive of me.
FLASH BACK TO TODAY.
Until two or three weeks ago, I hadn't left the house for 18 months. When I received the outpouring of support I suddenly realized that although there are people who will no doubt sit and judge, there are also people who will not only completely understand what I am going through, but will also hold me up and cheer me on.
I've always held to the belief that there was a switch in my head that needed to be flipped, that one day I would wake up and want to change... and I can only describe what happened as the switch flipped. Things had got bad. I was dating shitheads in SL that I allowed to abuse me (that's another story, after all, how can you be abused in SL?). I wasn't taking care of myself, or my home. I was ignoring everything that meant anything, because I just couldn't deal with the fact that I was such an epic failure and how could I POSSIBLY be any use to anyone, given the mess I'd already made. Essentially, I was alive - but I wasn't living.
Now don't get me wrong, things haven't magically improved to the point that all the negativity I felt has dissipated. I still harbor a ton of negative thoughts... but now? Now I feel like I need to live. I need to get up off my arse and do something. I need to try and make a difference in the lives of the people around me that mean something - REAL LIVES.
So, I've been making slow changes. I visited my parents and my daughter over the last few weeks, and this weekend I stayed there.
I've been to the doctors. I'm now starting the steps I need to take - steps I have taken in the past, that now feel entirely different - to get myself healthy. I am taking medication. I'm going for blood tests. I'm starting to fight back.
I'm not saying everything has changed - I'm incredibly weak right now, and this is going to be a terribly long journey, a journey I have started and failed in the past... but again, this time, it just FEELS different.
I am not only being honest with myself for the first time in a long time, but I am being honest to people around me, and I hope that in the long run, SL will become less of a crutch for me, and I will be able to use it in a healthier, more productive way. I hope that I'll become a proper, functioning member of society.
I don't doubt that I will have bad days - today especially is emotional, and I think that's just because over the weekend at my parents I was forced to not only socialize, but also to see things in real-time that I had been happily ignoring for a long time.
Once again, I have no idea what the point of this post is, other than to act as a form of therapy for me, so selfishly, that's what I'm doing. Maybe, just maybe, it'll help you too.
xoxo
All of the things :
Body, Hands & Feet : [SIGNATURE] Gianni - Mesh Body
I've been doing a lot of thinking about the different types of masks we wear. I know there's going to be a few of you that don't feel like you wear masks, but if you search deep enough, I think you'll have no choice but to agree that sometimes it's a necessity, even if you're meaning the best for you and everyone around you.
For the most part, I try to remain pretty unguarded. I like to think I see people in their best light - but I am easily affected by the language someone uses and their ways of expressing themselves... and if I get the feeling that there's someone not being 100% real with me, I'll throw a mask up too, and mirror that back to them.
There are also times where we plaster on a smile and act like everything is okay, when in reality, maybe we're not quite as okay as we'd like everyone to believe.
There's been a myriad of losses in the community lately thanks to depression, anxiety, suicide and general negativity around mental health. I feel like it's important to continue to address these issues consistently and constantly, not to shame, but to bring to light the fact that although someone can appear fine, they may be fighting a battle you're unaware of.
I want to throw out a reminder that just because you feel alone, it doesn't mean that you are alone. There is NO SHAME in reaching out. It will not weaken you!
I can't express how saddening it is that we haven't worked out how to support each other through these tough times. How we haven't learned to see the sorrow in someone's smile, or the hurt in their eyes, enough to reach out a hand for them to hold when their pain becomes to much for them to bear.
Please, be as kind as you can to each other.
We are all here for a reason... we're all a little bent out of shape. Let's start today by showing compassion, to ourselves and each other.
xoxo.
All of the things :
Body, Hands & Feet : [SIGNATURE] Gianni - Mesh Body
I love this Foxcity set, and the moment I saw the colours, I knew it had to be done. It's not new, and I know i'm late to the game, but just go with it okay?
I live about 40 miles or so from Central London, and as with most big cities, it's really difficult to get into the middle of the Capital by car. I've had a few experiences with London Transport, and for a while it was a very regular experience when I would need to travel into London to head north to Scotland. Everything about this Photo Booth is familiar to me, from the fabric on the chairs to the vents under the seat and the no-smoking signs. It's been a while since I have traveled into London via Train/Underground now, but looking at this picture I can still hear the automated voice of the announcer stating the name of the next station, and the loud echo of footsteps along the platforms.
The one thing that does seem to be missing that I'm not at all mad about is the worn-out feel of the seats, the scuffing of the floors, the graffiti and chiseled in initials and words along the windows of the train, this is definitely a new carriage, and that's pretty darn rare!
I'm feeling oddly nostalgic now, and I can't help feeling like Man-Pickle is doing the same thing. He might be off to meet the boys for a casual night out (most nightclubs around London have a dress-code, he'd definitely not be allowed in with sneakers and a cap) at a regular pub hangout. He's just chillin' out, getting comfortable, watching the world go by. I only hope that as the carriage becomes busier he's not too much of a dick to stand up and offer his seat to somebody who needs it. Be a freakin' Gentleman, Man-Pickle!
xoxo
All of the things :
Body, Hands & Feet : [SIGNATURE] Gianni - Mesh Body
Hold on to your hats, here's a little extra information about the Go&See * Liam * Skin at Mens Only Monthly
Shown in the Summer tone, you can clearly see the eyebrow options here. I've chosen not to show the freckles version, as they're in the main picture.
One thing I want to bring to light is that just because a skin looks a certain way in an ad, doesn't mean it's going to look the same on YOUR SHAPE, on YOUR HEAD. I feel that with guy-things, it's easy to look at a product and nope it out without giving it enough attention. Many skins, many products will work for you, if you just give them a chance. It's also important to go into demo-ing with an open mind, try things out, expand your horizons, guypeoples! Be a more fashionable you!
OO will ya just look at that package! (Not really. it's stuffed.)
I wanted to show you the hair and no-hair options on the Liam body. On the hair option (Left) you can also see that there's fine hairs along the lower arms too - and if I remember rightly, there's some hair on the legs too.
That's all, folks!
P.S, Adam, this song and WHOLE POST made me think of you. I hope you're homesick! ♥
I've often been tempted to start attending a roleplay area. Usually, I get all the shopping done, create a backstory for my character and then completely wimp out about actually interacting with anyone or creating story-lines. It's not because I'm uncertain about my roleplay abilities... in fact i'm probably disgustingly over-confident in that respect. Again, it comes down to being afraid to actually dip my toe in and get started.
I give full props to Santi for finding the location for this post today. There I was.. all Man-Pickled up and whining mercilessly to him; "I'm so stinkin' cute but I don't know where.." I knew I wanted a fraternity house but I'm so terrible with the search button and so easily distracted!
This sim is set up beautifully. If you're looking to roleplay in a university theme, I would recommend this on looks alone, who knows, maybe you'll even find a Man-Pickle wandering around :P
All of the things! :
Body, Hands & Feet : [SIGNATURE] Gianni - Mesh Body
I've had a complete giggle creating this outfit. I absolutely loved the coat/shirt combo as soon as i put it on, exploring the incredible colour hud, my friend squealed out "He [man-pickle] looks like Santa's naughty son!" and thus, Son-Of-Claus was created.
Most of my items can be found at TMD, a new round opens tomorrow, so grab your wallets, lads!
