I'm kind of struggling to think coherently today, it's like I woke up with my head up my butt!
I even took a nap, but I woke up feeling like my head was even further lodged up there!
Anywho, as you may have noticed, I'm featuring more lovely Dappa things. I really loveeeee the colour tattoo's that are being produced at the moment and this one can be found at Limit8. There are two available at the event, and this one show is the limited edition version. I think the event opened a couple of days ago, so hopefully there's still a few copies to grab, but I haven't had the opportunity to check yet.
My theory for this picture was based around creepy dollies (Thanks, Punky! Once again, you have inadvertently inspired my spookfest!).
Imagine a pretty pink dolly, loved and adored, abandoned by the side of an old car accident... just minutes away from the main building of an abandoned Mental Asylum. She's tattered and torn, and covered in dried blood. You drive past slowly and as your headlights brighten up the morbid scene, the dolls head turns, her eyes flashing in the dark and her face contorting into a feral scowl.
Or, yanno... you could just drive past singing "baby shark" and never notice. :P
Whenever I feel like I can't people successfully, I pet.
It doesn't usually happen for long periods of time, mostly just a couple of hours, but recently, I've kind of started to absolutely adore being a puppy.
I know there's a D/s term for this nonsense, but I don't have a Dominant, nor am I looking - mostly because I have a Jake, and having a Jake (luckily with a Punky attached) has been far more successful for me than having an official Dominant!
When I'm a puppy, or a kitty, or a faun, or any other kind of animal-style-thingy-ma-bob, it's entirely probable that I'm feeling slightly more vulnerable. There doesn't have to be a particular reason for my vulnerability and often, there isn't ONE reason for it... it's a culmination of things that just make me want to retreat slightly and stand at the edge of the crowd rather than finding myself central to the action. It's my time to reflect.
Where many true Babygirls may have 'little space', I find myself to be better suited to 'pet space'. I suppose both are a bit weird if you don't understand the concept!
Oddly enough, when I feel in a 'pet' kind of mood, I also feel more creative - which leads on from what I was saying a couple of days ago. Somehow being vulnerable, or allowing myself to feel the way I need to in order to heal myself, I am far more able to feel like 'me' despite the fact that my avatar might run around with a tail and ears.
I'm a bizarre little Pickle, and ultimately, I suppose I'm just glad I'm able to have this outlet to throw out my random ventings and occasionally pretty pictures!
I have never been someone who felt like they needed to be friends with everyone, all the time.
As I grow older, it seems as though I might be taking that a little too seriously. I'm not friends with everyone, at all. In fact, my patience wears so thin, that often I'm not even friends with the people who think they're friends with me.
I suck at reaching out. I'm absolutely crap at small talk. I struggle to maintain surface level 'friendships' and when I feel overwhelmed, I will retreat and curl up in a ball barely speaking until I can see clearly again.
I have a habit of making ridiculous assumptions that my brain claws at and makes up reasons why they're correct rather than just letting them go, and I get frustrated, because who actually WANTS to be a loner unless they're content in their own unhappiness?
I'm awkward and say the wrong thing at the wrong time. I over-think literally everything and I remove people from my life without giving them the chance to put up a fight, and then expect them to put up a fight! I'm an absolute freakin' nightmare!
However, if you can hold on through all my negatives, through all the ridiculous rantings and unnecessary judgments and occasional irrational situations... you might just find the best friend you ever had. I am loyal. I am honest - brutally so. I'm pretty funny, I can spin a negative into a positive in the blink of an eye and I can make something out of nothing like a magician... if you need the shirt off my back - it's yours, without question and I will never intentionally ignore you unless I need to sort my own thoughts out.
Relationships are a minefield, and I strongly believe that just because you're 'bad juju' to one, you're another's perfection. It's all about fitting personalities together and listening to your gut - my gut just tends to be a tad more sensitive!
I do intend on working on acceptance, and even if I remain in the position I'm in now, I know I have the strength to understand that perceptions differ depending on personal situations.
So, about this spell - anyone wanna give it a go?
xoxo
For a more detailed look at the Lumae Ethesi skin, you can check out this older post >Here<!
Background : [Azuchi] Azuchi Castle Photo Studio (Former Gift)
I often look at my photographs and literally see the ebbs and flows of my moods.
Right now, I'm in a good place. But it seems like the work I do when I'm at my lowest is the work that I end up most proud of.
I wonder why that is?
Howeverrrr. I'm obviously going to keep attempting to improve, and hopefully work out why my state of mind affects my "art" (or whatever you wanna call it) so decisively. Maybe I just overthink when I'm good, and when I'm low, I don't care? Haha. FUDGE.
