“Will you walk into my parlour?” said the Spider to the Fly, 'Tis the prettiest little parlour that ever you did spy; The way into my parlour is up a winding stair, And I've a many curious things to show when you are there.”
- Mary Howlet
This is a theme I had been toying with since I found the Cureless eyes at previous round of Fifty Linden Fridays. I was slightly upset to realize they aren't add-on attachments, but in fact tattoo's/makeup - but they are so beautifully drawn, I am ultimately not disappointed.
Also, please please check out this beautiful skin from Lumae, I haven't been able to showcase it as well as I would like today, but I will definitely be wearing it again, as it is stunning!!
I wasn't entirely sure what I was going to write here today (as usual, I suppose), but I decided to pick up on the Dappa Scars set and open a dialogue that I think is glossed over quite regularly.
There's a pretty big difference between self-harm and masochism.
From a personal standpoint, I find it difficult to understand either of these actions, but I am aware they exist, and where the Dappa tattoos may look beautiful in terms of SL, they would be extremely scary for me to witness on a friend irl.
I'm pretty ignorant to all of this, honestly - and please read the following knowing I am not an expert, but this is merely an opinion.
Self-harm is usually a way to feel, to keep control of a world that is spinning wildly on it's axis. It's about relief or a distraction to stop you from overthinking a certain subject. I'm sure there are many more reasons for hurting yourself, but ultimately it's a means to peace, no matter how brief. I can't say I agree, but I will attempt to be sensitive to those who self-harm while suggesting they seek some kind of help, even if it's just opening up to someone on a regular basis.
With masochism, it's an enjoyment of the pain. It's not about hurting yourself through shame or lack of control, but because the pain is erotic, or serves a purpose. Masochists will often hook up with people who enjoy inflicting this kind of pain, Sadists. The relationship between these two kinds of people can be pretty explosive from what I gather, but please be aware this is entirely different to abuse. Consent will feature highly on the agenda of the couple, and the pain is not inflicted so that the Masochist feels worthless or less than, in fact it's very often a way of showing love and affection.
I realize this isn't for everyone, and honestly, you approach me with a razorblade, a knife or ask no matter how politely, to punch me in the face and I WILL run away as fast as possible, however I do respect that some people need this type of a relationship to function.
The only, only reason I mentioned any of this is because I don't want it to be "cool" to cut.
It's not cool. It's very uncool.
There is also a very fine line between S&M and abuse, and if you feel negatively about the type of relationship you're in, please think carefully before you allow it to continue.
Wishing you a safe, sane and consensual Saturday.
xoxo
Go&See has produced a fantastic new skin for catwa - called "Isla".
It's available in two exclusive tones - Witchy and Moonly along with a usual tone, Pale.
I absolutely love all of these tones, there are very slight differences - pale is definitely more pink, witchy has a slightly greeny-blue undertone and moonly is more luminous.
My whole little mental health journey is taking some interesting turns.
It's become apparent to me that there are far more negative energies in me that I was aware of. I mean, I know I'm not perfect - show me someone who is, but recently I have really begun to notice some disturbing patterns. It's not malicious, but sometimes I am hurting so much because of some ridiculous ideals I have in my head, I end up purposefully causing pain to someone else. Misery loves company, right?
Let me explain a little more.
I am not delusional enough to think that I am always right, but part of me is delusional enough to think that I am always right. That means there's a constant struggle in me, the knowing deep down that 1. I cannot control other people and their reactions to my actions and/or words, and 2. sometimes, I'm the toxic one.
Naturally, that fills me with absolute fear, because I don't WANT to be toxic, ever.
Ultimately, now I have recognized these disturbing bad habits, my goal is to change the way I approach those situations. I'm pretty old now, so undoing that amount of "oops no" is gonna be pretty tough, but it's baby steps! As with everything I am discovering about myself and the world around me, I am going to be taking three steps forwards.. before freewheeling two steps back and then starting again.
I'm grateful for those who see the good in me, regardless of my ew, and have been reminded regularly of the quote;
Plato apparently said "Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination and life to everything."
I have to admit, I kind of agree.
I have never been overly passionate about a particular band or style of music.
At 7 or 8, my next-door neighbour went to a Michael Jackson concert and bought me back a program. Instantly I decided that I was going to marry him, and made it my goal to learn (very basically) the keyboard notes to "Beat it".
At 11, I started to get really interested in learning to make my own music, and eventually was chosen to learn the Viola (instances of that nonsense have been previously spoken about in this blog!).
When I was 16ish (shh), I thought I had a crush on Gary Barlow from Take That - but I didn't really. I just wanted to be accepted by the kids at school who thought Take That were the shit.
It was around the same time I was lucky enough to see The Rolling Stones in concert (admittedly the only concert I have ever been to), and without a doubt it is something I will remember forever, despite not being a superfan. The atmosphere was beyond amazing, all those people of different ages coming together, celebrating the sound of Mick Jaggers impeccable vocals.
Breaking up with my first 'proper' boyfriend at age 18 left me sobbing as I clicked record watching MTV, capturing all the sappy lovesongs I could possibly think of on VHS and then in an act that now leaves me cringing, I passed the video to his friend to give to him. Ugh. I'm pretty sure Britney Spears and BackStreet Boys were prevalent across that awful, embarrassing vid.
When I found out I was pregnant, Pink Floyd's "The Wall" became super important to me - my daughter kicked IN RHYTHM for the entire song when I was in the car... and when she was born Travis' "Flowers in the window" made me cry and Plumbs "In my arms" made my heart explode.
When I broke up with my Fiance, and I thought my world was ending, Leona Lewis and Three Days Grace pulled me through, my bedroom windows open and me singing loud enough to disturb the neighbours #noshame.
More recently, my Daughter performed Adele's "Chasing Pavements" in public, and now I can't listen to that without remembering the pride I felt watching her confidence shine.
What i'm trying to say is that for every important part of your life, there has probably been a song that you can relate to. A memory that is attached, whether good or bad.
I revel in these songs, these moments, and I hope you do, too.
I was gonna write a massive rant about flickr vs blogs today. Again.
But,
I realized I'm just a salty bitch... so you're gonna be left with this, instead.
Whatever you do, do it for love.
Some people are going to accept you. Other people aren't going to understand the importance of what you do... but so long as you aren't doing what you do to specifically to hurt others, keep doing it.
Keep on keeping on until YOU don't love it anymore.
Happy hump day!
xoxo
Note : I'm actually pretty mad at myself at the misrepresentation of the hands for the Dappa Tattoo... there ARE hand tats included - but for whatever reason, I'm a total derp and didn't notice that the "gloves" section of my maitreya body had turned off after a relog... :(
Bag : (OLD! May not be available!) -David Heather-Chiot Bag/Grey
There seems to be a bit of a 'thing' at the moment (again) surrounding Body Positivity... and it's all been kicked off (again) by Tess Holiday being given a cover on a magazine.
The overall consensus seems to be "If supermodels aren't body positive because they're too skinny, how is Tess Holiday any better, because she's too fat?"
Let me preface any more conversation on this matter by saying "Hi, I'm Pickle, and IRL I has The Chubs." So, you're getting my unfiltered opinion now, knowing I am not skinny.
As far as I'm aware, Tess Holiday does work out, and doesn't necessarily eat a bunch of shite, but that's all hearsay and we don't actually know for certain. Just because you see her munching on avocado toast on Instagram, it doesn't mean she's not ordering a major Chinese Take-Out when the camera isn't flashing.
However!
These bodies we are given are the only bodies we will ever have. THAT is fact. There may be ways of modifying the body with some work-outs and ofc the whole plastic surgery thing, but ultimately, we can't bodyswap yet, so the body we're born with is going to remain with us until the day we die and although I wish we had our SL sliders in RL, I'm not mad at my body for being the way it is, it's so far served me very well.
Now, I don't think supermodels OR Tess Holiday are suitable for the role model tags. In fact, I'm incredibly unsure as to who would be, mostly because we don't see people 24hrs a day, 7 days a week, we are all human and sometimes we are going to make mistakes. My opinion on the whole scenario is literally "Fuck 'em". Listen to your body - because no one knows it better than you.
If you want to lose or even gain weight, do it. But do it carefully, and with thought and pre-planning. Set a goal weight, talk to your doctor and once you've reached that weight, STOP. Even when I was skinny I thought I was fat, and that's on ME. No one would tell me I was fat, in fact, quite the opposite. I was told I was too thin around my wrists a bunch and people suggested I should eat more when I was at my thinnest - and it wasn't even THAT thin! Since I have put on a lil more weight and now I have my chunky tummy and my fuller cheeks I've been told quite regularly "You'd be so pretty if you lost some weight." Literally, i'm like, whut bitch? Because I have a fuller figure I'm no longer pretty? K.
I think the goal is to feel content with your body. I would like to be thinner - but I would also like to be healthier, too. I know with my situation being the way it is right now, I'm not going to be able to eat as healthily as I would like, so rather than changing my diet (which I will do in the future), I have decided to change the way I eat. I'm controlling my portion size, and spending more time on actually eating - enjoying the food before I use it to just fill my tummy and the crippling void of self loathing *coughs* yes, I can be an emotional eater! I'm not silly enough to believe this is going to make a massive difference, but it makes me FEEL BETTER about myself, and ultimately, that's the goal.
As an end to this Pickle-Rant, what I would like, regardless of your size, is for you to love yourself.
Your body does not define you. Your actions and your words have far more of an impact on the people that matter than your weight ever will.
Love yourself, because no matter what, you are worthy of your own kindness.
Pose : Foxcity. Mens Play ball 1m (over-ridden by the pipe pose)
Location : Seychelles (Private)
Hi!
Happy Man-Pickle Monday!
I'm not gonna write a bunch of nonsense today, because honestly, my brain is up my backside, and much as it can be amusing to witness my attempts to pull my own head out of my ass, I'd like to be able to do it privately.. maybe with the help of a couple of reliable friends :P
Have a wonderful day, and make sure you check out the awesome items on offer at this month's TMD!
